- Gender and Relationships»
- Relationship Problems & Advice
Survive An Affair-Getting Past The Jealousy
To survive an affair and start the healing process means certain actions need to be implemented and sustained on a consistent basis. These actions form the foundations of rebuilding the marriage not to what it was before but something a whole lot stronger.
For instance your unfaithful husband should do everything possible to overhaul his attitude and change the behavior patterns that led to the extramarital affair. No more lying whether outright or by omission. No more secret doors that keep you locked out from their world and the emotional connections that go with it.
If he has not already apologized he should but it cannot be just words. Your husband needs to prove his sincerity and commitment by making sure what he is doing lines up with what you need to start healing yourself and the relationship.
Of course there are things you must deal with right now to put the marriage back on track. One essential component of how to survive an affair is dealing with negative imagery from the affair. More than likely it is running on a never ending loop inside you head. There are a number of techniques that can help you with this such as drastically transforming the original images to something different. This can help considerably when it comes to turning that loop off for good. However like anything else it will take time so be patient with yourself.
Another is your feelings of self-esteem. Learning your unfaithful husband has cheated can easily get you asking questions such as:
- What was it about the other person that was better than me?
- What could you have done differently to prevent the affair?
- What did you do wrong this time?
There are unfortunately plenty more questions like the ones listed but the bottom line is all of them get you to doubt your self-worth.
But one other issue can become a significant barrier to restoring the relationship and that's jealousy. Now in many ways it is justified. Your unfaithful husband betrayed you and in so doing destroyed the trust that the two of you once shared.
So even though you want to survive the affair and save your marriage the odds are you are on alert to anything that could indicate your spouse is back to their old ways.
The problem is this can quickly get out of hand. Jealousy can have you chasing shadows that aren't there. It is one thing to be on guard against a woman who is acting too familiar with you husband or vice-versa but it is another thing entirely to fly into a rage because he said in a non-flirtatious way thank you to the waitress at the restaurant.
Blind jealousy can literally drive you crazy and cripple any opportunity to survive an affair. If your spouse senses what is happening or you give him a no holds barred sample then they may start asking themselves what's the point?
They did wrong to be sure but no one is going to want to stay in a relationship where their significant other won't every now and then give them the benefit of the doubt. Yes they have to earn it back but the jealousy you're displaying tells them they never will.
Look inside yourself and examine what is triggering these feelings. You don't trust your unfaithful husband completely. That's a given yet understand why you feel threatened by just about any and every woman who crosses his path. Part of you comprehends that the majority of these women are no threat however it doesn't stop you from being jealous whenever they pass by. Pinpoint when this is happening and why.
Learn to get control of yourself physically. When these emotions surface take a few deep breaths. Start putting together a daily routine of meditation. Also exercise can assist greatly in calming the body and mind.
Above all talk to your spouse and let them know what you are feeling. To survive an affair requires that your husband really hears your concerns and takes the appropriate steps to alleviate your worries. But understand it has to be within reason. He can't shut himself off from the world until you feel better.
However he can take the necessary steps of being more open in his relationship with you . Be specific when you talk with him. The more detailed and precise you can be in expressing yourself the more he can respond to you positively and with care.