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Succeeding In A Long-Distance Relationship
Long-Distance Relationships are Never Easy
I met my fiance through Facebook three years back, in my final year of high school. Yes, we are happily engaged since almost six months. Whether you meet your partner online or in real, sometimes you may have to move away for college or work. That sets the "distance" in your relationship.
Your heart yearns to see your partner. Be it a normal day, or a special occasion like your birthday, sometimes you just wish for your partner to be there by your side.
However, this physical closeness is not possible everytime. We have to learn to cope up with the separation. Believe me, it's very hard to do so. But don't fret it's not impossible. Let us first look at all the things that are needed to be faced in this relationship. Or to put it simply, what should we expect from an LDR?
What Should you Expect From a Long Distance Relationship?
The most difficult thing about an LDR is the distance. You love your partner so much but you can't stay by his/her side everyday. Sometimes, you just feel so bottled up. Even a song playing on the TV or a couple holding hands and walking by you, is enough to get on your nerves at times. Yes, we all have those bad days. Even the smallest of things remind us of our partners and we feel like bursting into tears. Mind you, surviving the distance isn't a piece of cake.
2. You Always Stay Glued to your Mobile Phone
You will be found constantly checking your mobile phone for a text from your lover. Then, finally a buzz catches your attention and you leap to catch your phone; only to find it to be a message from a regular friend. You groan and switch it off. But when you get notified by a text from your lover, your heart swells and two hearts replace the orbs of your eyes (well, not literally, but the feeling is overwhelming). This is what happens to lovers over the distance everyday.
3. Priorities will Change
I know it sounds hurtful, but it's the truth. You won't be always your partner's first priority and vice-versa. Sometimes, they might need a nap, or have to study for exams. Even a night out with besties may be planned someday. Your partner isn't going to be there online always. Don't expect them to answer your texts right away. In the beginning it might hurt, but you will be adjusted to it eventually.
4. You Have to be Patient
There will be lots of waiting in an LDR. Waiting for their call, waiting for them to come online. Waiting to share all your day's good or bad points. You have to be very patient in this relationship. At times, you might be frustrated and saddened, but this is how things will remain until you meet.
5. You May be Jealous at Times
You might be jealous of the people that get to see your partner everyday. Obvious isn't it? When your friends or family talk about their romantic dates with so much excitement and animated gestures, you are likely to be jealous. The people close to you get to be with their partners while you don't. They spend their time loving and being loved while you sit there and listen to all their talks with a sigh. You aren't the only ones feeling that way. There are so many other couples out there, including myself.
6. You will get Lots of Time for Yourself
Since it's a long distance, you have all the time for yourself apart from chatting with your partner obviously. You can use this free time to watch a movie, indulge in your hobbies, focus more on your career or studies, meet new people and make new friends.
7. You May have to Fight off your Doubts About this Relationship
There might be times when you get doubts about your relationship. Hey, we are humans, we are bound to be negative at times. Mostly it will go on like this:
"Will my relationship work out?"
"Does he/she love me as much as I love him/her?"
"Won't our love decrease if we stay apart?"
"What if he/she finds someone better?"
"What if he/she cheats on me?"
These are a few examples of the questions invading in the minds of those who live apart. But, you have to fight them off and remove negative thoughts from your head. Always remember why you held on and why you chose to be with your one in a eight billion.
Expectations vs Reality in an LDR
How to Make a Long-Distance Relationship Work?
Well, there aren't any right or wrong ways in making an LDR work. This type of relation requires a lot of hard work, time and effort from both partners to let it stay sweet, full of love and happiness. Let us look at the important components needed to make this relationship work. Read below to find out...
Trust is an essential part of any relationship. It is like a basic building block. Without it your relationship breaks or falls apart. In an LDR, trusting your partner is all the more necessary for your relation to work. Basically, you should do the following things:
- Stay honest with each other.
- Do not do things which they don't like behind their back.
- Do not keep secrets from them.
- Never lie to your LDR partner thinking how would they find out the truth. If they do find out, your dishonesty would hit them in the face and they would probably have a hard time trusting you again.
- Trust in your love for each other. I know it's hard to stay away, but keeping trust and hope helps you stay positive and happy.
Communication is a major key to this relation. Sometimes, when partners are together, they don't have much time to communicate deeply. On the other hand, LDR couples have communication as their only means of staying together. So, they can converse deeply and get to know about each other a lot more. Here are some things that you should talk about with your partner:
- Talk about mundane, boring, day to day activities. It lets your partner know what you are doing.
- Share little details with them even if they aren't that important.
- Talk about your fears, likes, dislikes and hobbies.
- Set your expectations about each other. Let them know what is right and wrong for you.
- Set aside times for both voice and video calls. There is nothing sweeter than seeing your lover's face and hearing their voice. It makes you feel connected to them and loosens all your worries.
- If you have a doubt ask them right away. Do not keep things to yourself in the hope of avoiding a fight. If a doubt is uncleared, it will bother you and give rise to more doubts.
- Whenever you fight, stay to the point. Don't bring past matters in between today's quarrels.
- Listen to their point of view and try to see things from their side too, if you don't understand what they want to say.
- Say "Good Morning" and Good Night" to them everyday.
- Say "I Love You" on a daily basis.
- Spice things up by sending them romantic quotes, praising them and also doing special things for them.
- Take videos and audio clips of yourself and send them time to time. It will surely leave your partner grinning and feeling loved.
3. Send Gifts to Each Other
Sending gifts to each other lets them know that you are thinking of them. It is a very sweet gesture and gives immense pleasure in receiving a gift from your S/O. What type of gift should you send?
- Remember their likes and dislikes about material things. Gift them accordingly.
- Are they always talking about a particular thing like a leather jacket and how much they would love to have it? But they never get to buy it. Gift them what they had been thinking of. It will show that you pay attention and think of them. This will bring a huge smile on their faces and all your efforts will be worth it.
- Gift a ring, chain or watch which they can wear everyday. It will remind them of you whenever they see it. Personally, I have been gifted a ring and a pink bunny teddy. I wear the ring everyday and it makes me feel connected to my partner. The teddy bear gets my morning and night hugs and kisses. Sounds cheesy I know, but I imagine showing affection to my partner. Likewise, I have gifted my partner a belted watch which reminds him of my presence all the time; even if it's a gift.
4. Plan a Future Together
A long distance relationship won't stay forever. Eventually, you or your partner have to move and settle down. It is imperative to talk about when and where you plan to live together. Also, it is necessary to stay at the same page in your relation. Be firm in your decisions and share them with your S/O. An LDR without a goal or purpose is of no use. When you plan to be together, make sure you are heading towards the same goal. If it doesn't end in marriage, what is the use of all the separation and wait?
5. Visit Each Other
After waiting for so long, a visit sounds very exciting and makes you nervous at the same time. Visit each other whenever you can. All the days of sorrow and separation seem nothing when you get to see your lover. It makes all the waiting and distance worth. It seems so surreal and beautiful. If you feel nervous, just think about how much you love them. They would probably be nervous too! Once you see them, just give them a tight hug and your nervousness will vanish quickly. You might also feel like you are living in a dream. Make the most of your visits, takes lots of pictures, videos and do fun activities together. All these sweet memories will be cherished so lovingly after you have been separated.
An Amazing Video Depicting Five Ways in Making an LDR Work
Sure, an LDR is difficult to maintain and requires lots of effort. Some days you may cry, laugh, miss each other terribly and feel frustrated. But, if you love your partner, you can overcome any obstacle that is thrown in your way. Always remember why you fell in love with that person. Never give up just because there is distance. Your hearts are together that's what matters. Be strong, believe and stay in love always as true love conquers all. One day you won't say goodbye, only good night.
Do you Think Long Distance Relationships Work?
© 2017 Sakina Nasir