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Rules for Surviving a Breakup

Updated on December 20, 2013

I know that you must be going through some very difficult times. You separated with somebody that you loved. I know what you are going through. It is one of the worst feelings in the world. The heartache can send you into a depression, all you think about is getting you ex back. You are willing to do anything to get them back.

When you feel this way, you are not thinking logically, but emotionally and that is damaging to your pursuit of trying to win you ex. back or even moving on.

Please!!Stop drunk dialing your ex, stalking them or leaving hundreds of messages (voice and txt). In reality you are making the situation worse for yourself.

You need a step by step plan to help you.

I know right now its a painful slow process, but the future is bright. You will overcome your heartache and sadness even if all you feel right now is sadness and depression.

1) Occupy your mind with other things, new things that interested you before you were in a relationship.

2) Remove all pictures, gifts from the relationship and temporarily avoid places you went together.

3) Get a support system, friends and family. Surround yourself with people who are positive and who truly listen to you. Get outside help if you need it, counseling or a support group. Meet new friends, join groups get involved.

4) Nurture yourself each day. Go for a walk, read, take a yoga class or a hot bath. Pay close attention to your needs right now. It takes time to process the change in your life.

5) Do not make any major decisions right now, like moving to a different country. Take time to heal and until then keep things as simple as you can for yourself.

6) Avoid Alcohol, drugs and over eating. I know you want to get out of pain, but lets try to do it in a healthy way, besides that drunk call/text to the ex wont help the situation and will make you feel even worse.

7) Write your feeling down. Every time, I went through a breakup, I felt much better to get everything out on paper as if I was sending the letter to my ex. I tore the letter up after I completed it, but it felt amazing to get it all out.

8) Exercise! Did you know that exercise improves your mood and helps lift depression? Not to mention that it's an amazing distraction.

9) Avoid the rebound. You need time to get over this ex before you create another one.

My Break up

Relationships ending, no matter how you cut it, it just sucks. Now I am not talking about abusive relationships that need to be celebrated when they are over.

We have all been there. My last ending was the worse, I ever went through. Lets step back a few months before it happened. I would say to myself there has to be more to life then this. I was not happy, but I knew I was the sole support of “G” who had no place to go. "G" had a horrible relationship with her family and she just quit her job because she was miserable.I actually thought "G" was Bi-polar, but she would never go to a doctor. I was the problem (per G) I decided to give it my best and see if we could work through things. We did not at that point have sex and “G” was more like my daughter then a partner. (turn off) I worked, cooked, cleaned and did whatever else was needed while “G” was finding herself. She found herself all right. Right with someone else (who she married). I knew things changed, I saw all the signs including the strange number on the one caller id she forgot to erase.

Finally, I confronted her and the lies flew out of her mouth. The funny thing about lieing so much is that you can not keep your your story straight. There was nothing straight about this story "G" through she would live with me when she was in New York but be in Boston the rest of the time. I laughed and threw her out. You want to be single, poof you are, this is not a hotel. The lies continue. “G” actually had me believing I was abusive,controlling, and host of other things. It took me a while to figure things out. In the process, I realized that I lost touch with all my friends because I was so absorbed in trying to fix things with her when we were together. I later found out that my friends distanced themselves because they did not like “G”.

I was a mess, I was very alone. I read books and tried to get out of pain. I reconnected with friends, a slow process and I did my best not to call or send hate txts to “G” who truly moved on with her life, while I was home devastated.

Why was I so devastated, I was not happy for sometime. My ego was hurt and she moved on to a life she began before finishing with ours. My pain was great, I would do anything to get out of pain. I figured out that I had to live life, "G" sure was living, loving, going out and having fun. There are millions of people in the world and I am sitting here being sad and lonely for the one who did not want me. I woke up and everyday, i got stronger and stronger, i would do things alone, call friends, i made the effort for me.

Whats funny, once I began living my life “G” wanted me back, HA, and I told her to go jump, the best thing that happened was that we broke up. I realized that I did not want her back I moved on with my life and realize “G” was not what I wanted I was happy again, very happy. I reconnected with friends, I had money again, I was in good shape, lost weight and I met someone who is truly the love of my life. We been together 8 years and are planning our wedding and future.

I know right now you do not think things will ever get better, you do not think you will ever be happy again and you think you will be alone forever. I am here to tell you that is not the case. One day you will look back on all this and say wow, what was I thinking, then laugh.

Good luck and let me know how you are making out.

I know it does not seem like it now, but eventually, you will either be reunited with your ex or on to an entirely new chapter.

Good luck, your perfect person is looking for you too!


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