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Sweet little lies
Now would you call me a liar if I say an elephant stepped in front of my car?
Read my book on relationships
Find out how Fenella escapes from her lying husband
How do you escape from a stalker?
Living with a liar
Why do we tell lies?
Most people lie. No, let me change that. All people lie. I know George Washington bragged that he never told a lie, but I think he’s lying. We lie like a flat fish every day of our lives. Some are sweet little white lies, others are giant whoppers. There are many reasons why we lie. For some people, these are untruths, not lies. In their eyes, it makes it sound better. So, why do we lie? We lie to avoid conflict, protect someone’s feelings, to try and avoid the consequences of our actions, to procrastinate and put off doing a task we don’t really want to do, to hide something we did wrong or forgot to do, to avoid facing rejection, to manipulate others and take control, to avoid making a fool of yourself, to make yourself appear better than you really are, you can’t help yourself it’s a disease you have and lastly, some of us lie for the hell of it. It’s a game, pulling the wool over other’s eyes, it makes us feel good. Seriously, there are some strange people in the world. Pathological liars are the most dangerous, as they believe their own lies and often struggle to distinguish between fantasy and reality. In a way, they create their own reality. A lying spouse is cause for grief, and an indicator of serious relationship problems looming ahead.
Sometimes we think someone is lying and they aren’t. They might just have a muscle spasm in their cheek that appears to look like a nervous tic. But by and large, people give off non-verbal clues when they’re lying. If you look out for them, you’ll soon know when they are lying. If you suspect someone of lying, ask them questions to clarify matters. There’s a good chance that their responses will be lies, but if you watch them carefully, you’ll see when they’re lying. I reckon that nine times out of ten, your gut instinct will step in and identify a lie. Trust your gut.
Tell-tale Signs of Lying
- Ears go red
- Unable to maintain eye contact
- Stroke their chin
- Play with their hair
- Become defensive and even start to attack you
- Volunteer too much information
- Keeps crossing and uncrossing arms and legs
- Break out in a sweat
- Keeps contradicting themselves
- Rubbing nose with finger
- Use lots of pauses, eg. Um
- Voice changes pitch
For an honest relationship, you need to confront your partner when you catch them out lying. However, in an abusive relationship, it’s best to bite your tongue and not say anything. Pick your moment carefully. You don’t want to get hurt.
Top FIVE lies women tell
· I don’t have any problem with you going out on the town with the boys.
· I’m not mad at you.
· You’re the best lover I’ve ever had
· Don’t worry, I’ll pay tonight as you always pay.
· I’ve just ended it with my last partner and don’t think a rebound relationship is fair on you.
Top FIVE lies men tell
· I don’t believe in sex on the first date.
· I’ll call you.
· You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.
· I need some space.
· I’m not looking for a mother
Lies are hurtful and far too easy to say. They just roll off your tongue without a thought as to how the other person might feel about being lied to. But, self-preservation is a strong enough reason for people to lie. Unfortunately, one sweet little lie leads to another and another, until you’ve built this whole huge fairy tale. One small lie turns into a big lie. You might think a lie is justified, but it’s still a lie. Don’t call it a fib. That sounds cute, but it’s still a lie. How many lies have you told today?