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Updated on November 3, 2012


I have been married for 33 years. Not all 33 were good years. Both my husband and I came into our marriage - bags already packed with all of the old clothes we thought we would need. I wore my old stuff everyday and he wore his. I thought his clothes made him appear hard, controlling and confrontational. He thought my clothes made me appear remote and unreachable. Both perceptions were true...what were we to do? We grew increasingly uncomfortable, but could not seem to find a way to convience each other to discard our rags. So, we wore them for almost 20 years, knowing that they were worn out...thread bare...ugly. Our pride, mistrust, and fear of rejection had paralyzed us. We felt trapped in our rags like two dusty mannequins standing in the window of an old abandoned store.


The Masquerade

The eyes open yet again.

They see the world from within.

Into place the mask will fall,

A stranger presented to one and all.

Time never ends for this traveler weary.

Nights and days – forever dreary.

A journey long - this path of lies,

Weight a soul with the tears it cries.

God in heaven knows this travelers sin,

Behind the mask and the eyes within.

Perfection viewed by passersby.

Compliments attest the lie.

And promises made exact a cost.

A heart and soul together tossed.

For just awhile – for honors due,

Perceived as one, in truth is two.

Heavy lies the burden of deceit,

Upon the heart of ones defeat.

The soul cries out for its release;

And only grace will grant it peace.

Truth - in – truth, its price is pain,

For the one whose heart will forfeit gain.

So the eyes behind the mask must keep

Dark the Secret till they sleep.

Until this stranger in torment flees,

Before the Lord on bended knees,

Where the truth is free to say,

It’s me O Lord, please hear me pray.

This masquerade has wearied my soul,

And longs to escape the story now told.

Pray make this mask I chose to wear,

The truth my heart can gladly bear.


The truth is often difficult to unearth, especially when buried for a very long time, and you are working with a spoon instead of a shovel. Shedding our old clothes and unveiling ourselves was not easy. There were days spent in agonizing darkness and days when the light of discovery illuminated our world. True love proved to be stronger than our fears.

We came to an understanding - my husband and I.

This understanding required me to expose myself and trust that he would not ridicule or reject who I was. I had to open doors locked to him (and others), for more years than I could remember. I had to face my fears.

He had to relinquish control, be still and quite his objections - and listen. He also had to face his fears, as he unveiled them to me, trusting that I would love him still.

We learned to communicate and began to utilize its power as we put our faith to the test and put our trust in each other, even when we doubted its existence.

We learn more every day as we work together. sometimes we stumble along the way, but our relationship grows deeper and stronger. Love contains a conquering power when allowed the freedom to grow, and the room to open its many faceted petals to touch every portion of our lives.

Does this mean that our marriage/relationship is perfect? Not at all. Nothing is ever perfect. And to expect perfection only opens the door to dissapointment; and feelings of dissapointment allow negative thoughts, resentments, and self pity to override the positive...the good things that are happening in a relatioship.

Building a marriage - a relationship is like a bulder undertaking the construction of a house. Sometimes he will recieve a shipment of material and find boards that are not perfectly straight, or sheet rock that has flaws or goughes. A good builder can usually pull out the bows in the wood, and correct the flaws, and never comprise the structure.

The stability and appearance of our house depends on our ability to utilize and improve on the material we have to work with.

The secret here is - if you are an inexperienced builder, get advise and help from someone who has already learned and applied the things you need to know. And always remember this rule of thumb: A good relationship is not a 50 -50 proposition, it is always a 100 -100 proposition. If you are only investing 50% of yourself toward its success, it can never be more than 50% successful.

Copyright © C.A.Rolyn 2012 All rights reserved with the exception of digital image and video


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    • Ana Louis profile image

      Ana Louis 4 years ago from Louisiana

      Thank you so much Kenneth for your wonderful comments, and your vote of confidence. Your words mean so much and I appreciate them immensely. A hub a day? A best selling novel? Wow. Now that would be awesome. I promise I will try.

    • kenneth avery profile image

      Kenneth Avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama


      Simply amazing. Great piece of writing here. Voted up and all the way across. If they had a Fantastic button, that would be pushed too. Loved this and how it touched my heart. I urge YOU to keep up the great work. Write one great hub a day and soon, you will have a best-selling novel. OK?

    • Ana Louis profile image

      Ana Louis 4 years ago from Louisiana

      So happy for you mermaid. May your future be the one of your dreams. God bless.

    • red mermaid profile image

      red mermaid 4 years ago

      Thankyou for sharing your personal experiences with me Ana. I've forgiven him but now I'm wiser, I never hold grudges, life's too short. I've now met a man who is loving , caring and kind, when one door closes another door opens :-)

    • Ana Louis profile image

      Ana Louis 4 years ago from Louisiana

      I know what you mean Sparrow. It is a truth that has to be experienced before you can appreciate its power to change your life and set you free.

    • profile image

      SparrowMinistries 4 years ago

      You are so right Ana! Forgiveness is the key to releasing power and blessings into our lives. When we choose unforgiveness we stop the flow. When we have been hurt it is like a seed is planted. It starts sending out roots to all parts of our being, wrapping itself around things we never thought it could touch, and eventually it bears fruit we never wanted. Pulling out that giant tree by its roots becomes extremely painful. Yet, on the other side of that is freedom. Once a person has gone through that it becomes a practical reality to let go of offense before it takes root. I read that somewhere.....NOT! I lived it.

    • Ana Louis profile image

      Ana Louis 4 years ago from Louisiana

      Hi mermaid. I am so sorry that the person you chose to make such an investment in hurt you. We all make mistakes about people. Not everyone is honest about who they are, and what they really want from the other person. My first husband said all the right things...did all the right things before we were married. Within weeks after the “I dos” were said I realized the man I married was someone I had never met before. He was an abuser and a cheater. My pride and shame kept me married to him for 7 years. When I finally left him he tried to kill me. It is a long story and usually I never share that information with people I don't know. I would be glad to tell it to you if you think that it might be of some use

      Every relationship has its own unique dynamics, as does every person’s experience. We are human with flaws and misperceptions about ourselves and those around us. If I have learned anything it is this - without the willingness and a concerted effort to forgive ourselves and those who hurt us we cannot heal, we cannot learn, we cannot grow, and we will never be free to move forward. Without forgiveness we drag all our past injuries around with us like a bag of festering bones, rattling around and stinking up our lives. And we will believe that our condition is normal and acceptable.

      There is so much more to be said, but I just wanted to share these morsels with you. Never give up – your story is still being written.

      Many blessings

    • red mermaid profile image

      red mermaid 4 years ago

      I always thought I should only put 99% into a relationship and keep 1% to rebuild my life if things didn't work out always keeping that part of me back to start again. When I met my recent partner he persuaded me that this was holding our relationship back and I should give 100%. I decided maybe he was right , so put everything i had into this relationship, after 3 years I found him with another woman and my life and trust in men was destroyed yet I wish I hadn't listened to him.

    • Ana Louis profile image

      Ana Louis 4 years ago from Louisiana

      Thank you so much. Of course there is always so much more to the story. You could be right about a ministry. I guess we will see what God has planned.

      So nice to meet you and I am sure we will be meeting each other around hubpages often.

    • profile image

      SparrowMinistries 4 years ago

      Oh yes, Ana. Finding yourself and dying to self - that is indeed a paradox only God can make work. It can be a painful process, too, but not as painful as staying hidden and lying to yourself as I did for too many years. Definitely still working through it, but it is much nicer knowing I'm holding His hand rather than resisting, running, and hiding. Again, your hub is truly inspiring. I see a powerful ministry here!

    • Ana Louis profile image

      Ana Louis 4 years ago from Louisiana

      Good morning Sparrow. Thanks for stopping by. I am sorry that things did not work out in your case, and I am glad to hear that what you went through made you stronger. I must say that without God as the guiding force, we may not have made it either. Finding yourself and dying to self at the same time is a paradox that only God and can make work, and believe me I was holding on to His hand all the way - still am.

      His blessings always.

    • profile image

      SparrowMinistries 4 years ago

      Wow, that was amazing. I am so glad your husband was also willing to take off the mask. In my case that was never to happen, and sadly, I had to walk away. What I learned in an effort to save my marriage is what I will take with me. The courage to look at myself and see who I am. The courage to look at someone else and see who they are and make a decision based on that naked truth.