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THE RULES OF A LOVE ENGAGEMENT

Updated on July 26, 2016

Get your man engaged

Before getting a man to propose to you, there must be a relationship that should have been built up over time. It must begin with friendship first. It is not everyone that comes into your life that you should think about getting married; just make them your friends. Do all you can to spend time being friends first of all because without this, you wouldn’t know those who are supposed to cross the line to the next level.

There are many rules most ladies break as they journey in the levels of relationship with the opposite sex, mostly the ones they are interested in. This chapter contains the keys to unlock the sweetness of any relationship with the person you are in love with. The woman who will apply this principles, let me say, a woman at the age of fifty could possibly get married before an eighteen year old girl, if this principles are applied wisely in her relationship. There are few people who luckily get married breaking these rules and they could possibly experience a hard time in their marriage. They could get taken for granted. The man in question may become careless about your affairs as his wife and this will hurt you. After going through these rules, you will not just end up getting the attention of one man, but you will attract every man that comes your way, even those who never had the intention of getting serious with you could change their mind towards you. Once you have them on your finger tips, and you apply them when necessary, any man that shows interest in you will fall in love with you, for real.

There are principles for managing dating within the work place. Let’s take for instance, if you’re in your office, and you notice that there’s this particular colleague that shows some interest towards you, there are principles for sealing it into an engagement. There are things you don’t do to make a man, not only to come after you, but to stay. Many women pray endlessly for a life partner and give all they can to attract a man towards them. Many give their bodies to the man they love and they think sex will make him stay forever; NO DEAR, HE WONT!

Men are like babies; if for example you’re a nursing mother, and you give your child an excess of breast milk, the baby will spew out the milk and become uncomfortable. This is similar to men, if you feed him with an excess of what he want and desire and you’re not yet married to him, he will spew them out and become uncomfortable with you. You may be wondering what’s happening to your relationship, without knowing your breaking a rule. Knowledge reduces frustration in prayer. Knowledge reduces a lot of confusion that comes to your faith.

Now let’s take a look at these rules to take you the right direction in your relationship;

You Have To Be Seen To Be Shown Favor

Even if you are the most beautiful girl in the world, and you have all you need for a life time, nothing will change until men see you. The problem of being alone without a partner is as a result of isolation. People isolate themselves from the public and from gatherings where they could possibly meet people and become friends with them, exchange contacts and get to know more about them. As a lady, who needs the company of an opposite sex, you need not shut the door behind you and remain in your room, or “comfort zone” if I should say, and expect the man of your dreams to locate you. Even a GPS device can’t do that for you. You need to get up, take your shower, put on a nice dress, do some light and simple make-up and wear good cologne. When you step out, you attract attention beginning even from your neighborhood.

There was a girl named Esther, an adorable damsel, beautiful to behold. She had no parent, she was an orphan. Her beauty was covered with the veil of rejection and poverty and she had no one to look up to. Thank God for Mordecai, a relation of hers, who came and took her as his own daughter. Now the late father of Esther was an uncle to Mordecai, and he had the fear of God within him. Mordecai trained Esther and brought her up in the way of the Hebrews. They were utterly rejected by many nations and many from the various tribes of Israel had been carried away captive.

In those days, there was a king by name Ahasuerus, very rich and powerful. He reigned over one hundred and twenty-seven provinces, from India to Ethiopia. His queen, by name Vashti, always sat beside him. She was radiant in beauty and she was adored by everyone, but she disobeyed the king. As a result of her disobedience, the king was raged and furious at her and relieved her of her duties as his queen. When these things had happened, and some days were gone, the wrath of the king had subsided, the king remembered his queen and her disobedience, and the judgment he had passed against her. The kings servants noticed his mood and said: “Let beautiful young virgins be sought for the king; and let the king appoint officers in all the provinces of his kingdom to bring them before you, and let beauty preparations be given them. Then let the young woman who pleases the king be queen instead of Vashti.” The king was pleased by the idea of his servants, and he sent a decree throughout all the provinces, according to what his servants had suggested to him.

Now Mordecai heard of the king’s decree and without delay, he got Esther ready for the beauty contest. Esther had the right to decide not to go for it, but she heeded to the wise instruction of her uncle and got ready for the contest. When she got to the place where the beautiful virgins were being taken care of before they presented themselves before the king, her beauty pleased the care taker in charge of the virgins, and she obtained his favor, so that he readily gave her a special attention. He brought to Esther seven choice maid servants directly from the king’s palace to specially take care of Esther and moved her and her maid servants to the best place in the house of the women.

Now let’s assume that Esther had remained indoors, she wouldn’t get all the favor she got. The kind would have chosen someone else. Thank God for her uncle who was alert to get the news of what was happening. This one principle you must apply, first, to be shown favor.

I believe you’ve heard or seen the Cinderella movies. She lived with a woman, I wouldn’t know if she was her step mother or aunt. The wicked woman in question had two daughters, who were mates with Cinderella, maltreated her in so many ways that she almost gave up everything, but she stood strong and believed on herself. There was a prince who was in search of a girl to be his princess. When her wicked aunty heard it, she made sure that Cinderella never showed up in the beauty contest. There was a shoe made of diamond, a pearl so beautiful to behold, that the prince would use to know his princess wherever she was, and anyone who had the exact fitting of the shoe will be his princess. After a great battle the wicked lady fought to hide Cinderella from wearing that shoe, but she failed. Cinderella succeeded and out of all the ladies in that kingdom, she was the only person the shoe fitted. She got married to the prince and they lived happily ever after.

As a lady you are, the worst thing that could happen to you is for someone or something to hide you from been seen. That is the strategy of the enemy of your destiny, he fights hard to keep you from being shown favor, but nothing can stop you. No one has the power to stop you; the one that has the power to decide to stop you is you.

If you are involved in a public service, always make sure to put on a bright smiling face and be nice to people you meet every day, not just the men alone, but also your fellow women. In fact, I would advise you get involved in activities that would make people see you. For example, in your church, there are services you could render that can make people see you, like the ushering and choir. Do it with joy and gladness of heart, coupled with a welcoming and accommodating gesture. You will be marveled at the outcome. It gives you the opportunity of being chased and desired.

Men don’t light a lamp and hide it under a table; it has to be put on the table for everyone to see. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. You’re that light that the best of men is yet to see. Leave your comfort zone and show yourself, the king needs to see you.

Be Different From Other Women

If you’re dating a man who has a high profile socially, for example, if he’s a music artist, if he plays football, if he’s a pastor or he’s into politics, try as much as possible not to spoil him. What would make a man marry you is that you’re different from the average girl he meets every day. There are men who are wealthy and handsome, but they find it hard settling down because girls are all over the place, so they find it hard to make a choice, because to them, almost every woman is the same, believe me, that’s how we think.

When a man is established, and has a good relationship with top men in the society, women throw themselves at them every day. What distinguishes you from others is one word, Wisdom and good character.

Make Him Desire You The More

In your mind you love this man, but try as much as possible not to show it to him or tell him. Be good looking to attract his attention, when he makes advances towards you, welcome his advances and make him feel comfortable talking with you, smile when you need to, talk when you need to, and maintain an eye contact.

Don’t give a man the impression that you have nothing to do with your time. Men love busy women. If he asks you out for a date, don’t be on the rush to say yes. Turn him down calmly by saying something like, “dear I would have love to, but I have something do in school for my HOD (head of department), can we fix it by weekend or so?” with a gentle look on your face, making him see that you’re serious to go, but you already have a scheduled appointment before his proposal. If he then says he’ll call you, gladly say ok. If you’ve waited for his call, and you’ve not seen it, please do not call him asking him about the date. If you do, you will give him the impression that you are more interested in the relationship than he is.

Now listen, if he offers anything like money or a gift at first, gently refuse it with a calm response, don’t make him feel bad about it, just tell him you’re okay. Be the first to end the conversation and tell him words like, “I have an appointment in the next five minutes, and I need to be there before then”. He will give you the respect and value you. Such a man would love to keep your contact, and you know what, you’ve just signed in for what you wanted.

Men have this character of wanting to see you every minute, always calling to hear your voice, they are always desperate from the onset of the relationship, and it’s natural with us. We fall in love with our eyes once we see what we like, but what keeps men with you is making him desire you more. Make him predict what you can do next. Always be first to end up a discussion on phone with a laugh or a chuckle, and bid him bye. When he falls in love with you, he’s ready to take you to his house. But beware of this fact about men, they way the fall fast in love, they fall quickly out of love. They get fed up very easily. One key that gets a man that shows interest in you to arrive to a conclusion which is proposal and marriage is this, don’t give him too much, and always slow him down.

Don’t Live With Him Before Marriage

A lady came and cried to me in my office and she wept so bitterly and said, “I’ve been taking care of him, I’ve been washing his clothes, I keep his house clean, I cook for him and give him sex whenever he wanted, and this is five years with him in our relationship and he has never said anything or made a proposal to me. Now he met this lady and just within five months he married her and left me, how can this be?” I was really sorry about that, but then I told her she was breaking the rules of engagement and never understood the nature of men. When you spoil a man, he will leave you and marry another girl. You are supposed to spoil your husband, not your date. When you’re dating a man, privacy should be respected. Don’t cook for a man you want to marry. Even if you must do it, let it be just once in a very long while.

Every Man Has The Hunter Spirit

All men are hunters when it comes to the game of relationships. He loves challenges, so you need to be challenging. Play hard to get and easy to live with. Don’t appear to be cheap in his eyes, if you do, he will take it for granted.

When I watched a documentary on TV, I came to learn that lions don’t eat dead meat. If they come across a dead animal, they back off. Do you know what they go for? The fresh animals, those ones that are still alive, they pursue those ones, and the chase continues, until they succeed in catching one alive. That’s how men are, they love challenges. They treasure the lady they chase after, and not the lady that chases after them. When you’re challenging and hard to get, you arouse his interest.

What makes a man stay is how you presented yourself in the initial stage of the relationship. Though you may make some mistakes as time goes on, but it doesn’t leave much impression on him as the initial one. When his mind registers that you’re cheap to get, he takes it for granted.

Take Him To People You Respect

When the relationship has grown to a certain level, and he has intentions of sealing it with an engagement, introduce him to people that matter to you. When doing this, don’t make your intentions known to them, just make it vague. Let him appear to them as a friend. Once you start talking about going to see your parents, if he’s someone that came to play with your feelings, he will find an excuse and flee. If he follows you to see them, he will be very careful about playing with you.

The average modern girl today may think she’s able to handle a man all by herself, thinking she doesn’t need the approval of anyone who has had the experience of a relationship, or married precisely. You need to introduce him to the right people.

Keep The Box Closed

Don’t meet a man and start telling him how bad your parents are, or how bad your guardians are. If you make that mistake, you are simply giving him a weapon to harm you with tomorrow. Always respect your parents in the presence of whosoever you’re dating. Even if there are some other things that you want him to know, let him know then after marriage. Make your parents respectable in his sight. Don’t meet a man and start telling how you hate your dad and everything, that’s a quick way to losing him. Be simply honest, but at the same time mysterious. You mustn’t answer every question a man asks you. Don’t open up too fast. Don’t say what you will regret later, maybe out of desperation.

This is one of the means many ladies have lost the man God sent to them. They think that honesty means opening your secretes to a man. In fact, the fourth law in the 48 Laws of power, written by Robert Greene says “ALWAYS SAY LESS THAN NECESSARY”. He says “the more you’re trying to impress people with words, the more you say, the more common you appear, and the less in control.

Until There Is A Proposal, Keep Dating Other People

Until he shows commitment, don’t stop dating other guys. This is one most powerful way of getting him to propose, because he’ll be afraid of losing you. You don’t get a man to propose by moving into a serious commitment, you get him to propose by getting away from commitment. You don’t get him by going to his house, doing his chores, sleeping with him…no! You’re making a huge mistake, and you’ll lose him quickly. For example, tell him you just got an admission that you’ll be travelling to the United Kingdom, then watch his reaction. Even if you are looking for a job, and he offers to give you a job in his company, don’t take it, because he’ll be seeing you every day and get fed up. Instead, let him find one far from his own company or you find it yourself.

If another guy asks you out, don’t hesitate to go for it. It will make him jealous and do what he can to have you to himself, which is to propose, before he loses you.

Don’t Ever Mention Marriage To Him When Dating

Don’t make him feel you’re more interested in marriage than he is, or else you’ll spoil everything. If you show him signs that you’re more available to him than he needs, you’ve broken a major rule. At this point he knows that he can do anything and get away with it, because you were desperate for him in the first place. Now check your life, if you’re observant, it is those guys that you do not want to have anything to do with that is coming after you. This is because you’re obeying the law on them, but it’s the one that you’re in love with and desperate about that is frustrating you, if you’ve noticed.

Know That Virtue Is Stronger Than Beauty

Most times, it takes beauty to get a man attracted to you, but virtue is stronger than beauty. Most times people wonder why a very handsome man gets married to a lady who isn’t beautiful, and it marvels them. Here is the secret; virtue is the only tool to keep him with you, even if you’re not so beautiful like other ladies. But if you have a facial beauty, then work on the area of building your virtue to keep your man around you and getting him propose to you. Don’t show him that you love him; show him that you respect him. You don’t keep a man with your love; you keep him with your virtue. It’s only the man that should keep a woman with his love. Don’t see him more than once or twice in a week; don’t be too available to him.

Don’t Be The First To Call

If you meet a man you like, make sure to leave your number with him. You shouldn’t be the first to give out the number, he should ask for it. like I stated in one of the principles above, if after a while or some days he calls, then I believe he’s interested, but if he doesn’t call that same day or next, then I doubt if he’s interested in you. If after a day or two, you don’t see his call, then you can call him with the notion that you just wanted to say hello. Then if he had an interest at first, he could rekindle it and keep the friendship going. But if he’s not interested, he won’t bother calling you, and please, don’t call the second time after your first call.

For someone you’ve been into a relationship with, don’t always be the person to place the call. Call him once for every three calls he makes. When you call a man once in a while, that call becomes very special to him.

Don’t Give Him An Advice If He Doesn’t Ask For It

You cannot be the mother of a man who already has a mother somewhere. If he’s confused about something and he complains to you, don’t give him any advice. You should only sympathize with him, not advice him on what to do, unless he asks you to. Don’t tell him what to do, just give him a listening ear.

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    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 

      2 years ago

      "Do all you can to spend time being friends first..."

      There are many people who subscribe to that philosophy. However it should be noted there is no such thing as being "exclusive friends".

      In other words while you're being "friends" he has every right to date other women and possibly end up in a relationship with one of them.

      Secondly when anyone tells you: "Lets be friends first and see how it goes." Essentially they are telling you: "I don't see you as being (the one)." Trust me if they did they wouldn't risk leaving you out on the "open market" for too long.

      Lastly being in the "friend zone" can be a total waste of your time and emotion along with any money spent on dates if it turns out she runs off with another guy who actually does (sweep her off of her feet).

      My advice to anyone man or woman if you don't sense there is a (mutual) interest in pursing a romantic courtship move on! Life is too short!

      "Never love anyone who treats you like you're ordinary."

      - Oscar Wilde

      If someone automatically puts you in the "friend zone" it's because they don't see (you) as being all that "special".

      One man's opinion! :)

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