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Taking a leap of Faith
I was born in Sheffield England in 1976 to a South African Mother. My mother was training to be a nurse at the time and so for the first few years I lived with foster parents. After five years my mother took me to Africa where I was raised and spent my early adult life.
In 1998 at the age of twenty two I got married and three years later I had a little baby girl. These were some very trying and yet good times of my life. My now ex and I had talked about going to the UK and because I was born here, it wasn’t going to be a problem. For six years I would talk about it but never made any solid plans to make the move.
In 2004 a lot of things happened in my life that made me redirect my attention to my life. My family and I lost a very close family member. At the same time my marriage was rocky and I found out I was pregnant again. It seemed as though everything was falling to pieces. I remember after the funeral, some months later, packing mine and my daughters belongings and walking out of our family home. Things had been really hard. We were barely making it financially and we were arguing all the time.
My sister welcomed me with open arms and it was at her home I miscarried. I was taken into hospital and was told that I was loosing the baby at 16 weeks. So much had happened in such a short space of time I didn’t know whether I was coming or going. The DNC also caused an infection which sent me back to the hospital. A few weeks after my recovery I woke up one morning at my sister’s house, got a pair of scissors, went into the bathroom and cut off all my hair. I guess it was the only way I could express my grief. But it also felt as though I’d shed the old and was allowing the new.
I began to search for healing, my sister organised a Reiki session for me and this was the beginning of my healing process. Even though the things around me weren’t making any sense, internally I was beginning to find peace.
One evening my sister asked me if I was still thinking about going to England. I hadn’t thought about it up until that point. I wasn’t sure what I wanted anymore. She said that if I ever did consider it she would help me. I took that thought with me to bed that evening. It took me a while to decide and then I decided it was something I wanted to do so I got it in motion.
Once you set your mind to do something things begin to fall into place, it’s amazing. The idea had been to take my daughter and hopefully my then husband. At the time I thought it would’ve been a good idea for us to start over in another country so I set about applying for our passports. I applied for a British passport and my daughter automatically got hers as my child. It was at the last moment when I was trying to get a resident’s visa for my ex that he pulled out. He didn’t want to come. I let that go; I couldn’t force him to come along if he didn’t want to.
I went to visit a friend of mine and I mentioned that I was planning to go to theUK. She told me that her husband was already there and if I needed a place to stay I could stay with him. She gave me his phone number and he was very welcoming to let me stay. Everything seemed to be falling into place, my life felt as if it was going somewhere again. The only thing that blocked me was my ex. I had wanted him to come; I was afraid to go to a country where none of my family were and rely on my friend’s husband. I was terrified that I wouldn’t find a job and I’d have to go back. So many things haunted my mind that it froze me for a couple of months. I spent the next few months talking myself out of it. I also didn’t want to take my daughter without knowing what lay waiting in the UK.
So my life carried on, I wasn’t working just living from day to day wondering what to do with my life. I spent a lot of time reading and during this period of time my inner self began to grow stronger. I began to feel like I could do things, that if I just took a leap of faith, things would be just fine. One evening with a bit more confidence about possibly leaving South Africa and going to the UK I spoke to my sister. I asked her what she thought about what to do with my daughter. I didn’t want to take my two year old to a foreign country without much of a plan. My sister suggested I leave her, find out what was going on then fly back to pick her up or come back home. My heart ached just thinking about it. I just couldn’t leave her, it would break my heart but her father would be with her, so I spoke to him to find out what he thought. He agreed to look after her while I was gone.
Even after this, my heart still wasn’t sure so I spent more time talking myself out of it. But in December 2004 very close to Christmas I woke up early on a Monday morning with a feeling that it was time to make a move. I just knew it. I was so sure without a single doubt in my mind that it was time to go. I remember getting out of bed and going downstairs to speak to my sister. I told her I was ready, ready to go. I think she knew it too because about four hours later she rang me from work to tell me she’d booked a flight for me for the coming Friday.
I panicked for a bit, it felt too soon, but I also knew that if I didn’t take this leap of faith, knowing how I felt, I would never do it and I would miss an amazing opportunity. I was still terrified but there was still this knowing that everything was going to be alright. That I would make it work and that in good time I would have my daughter with me. I guess that was the hardest part, saying goodbye to my two year old and not knowing when I would be back. I remember just walking away, it tore my heart apart but I kept hold of my vision that things would be better and I would make it. And I did!
Stepping onto that plane was the best thing I did for my daughter and I. There is a story in between when my ex decides he wanted to join me which I will share some other time, but it all turned out well. Would I do it again? Honestly I don’t know, possibly. It takes a lot of courage to step out on faith but I feel you will always be rewarded.
It’s been seven years since I decided to step onto that plane and start a new life in England. My daughter and I now reside inYorkshire and we are very happy and very blessed. I hope this story encourages you, I hope it will help you realise that just because certain things are happening it isn’t a dead end. And sometimes you just have to take a leap of faith and believe it will take you somewhere you never expected or dreamed.