Talking to others about your relationship
Gifts for significant other
Talking to others about your relationship
I know some of you know this person. He or she goes around talking to everyone and anyone about their personal relationship. Trying to get different opinions on what to do or trying to find out whatever he or she can find out on or about the significant other. In my opinion this is not a good Idea.
Here is why: If you go around talking about your spouse or significant other to any and everyone, nothing good will come from this. Some people have their on agenda sometimes when giving advice. Not all but some and what may have worked for them may not work for you. Here is what I mean: Say you tell one of your co-workers or someone you see around town a lot about you personal problems and She or he suggests something they did when they were in that situation. If you try it 9 times out of 10 it won't turn out the same way for you as it did for them. Or you go to another co-worker or just anyone hanging around that has ears, and You tell them about the same thing then they tells everyone else your business. It gets back to your spouse or significant other and it causes even more problems!
Talking to someone you know you can trust is always better,then talking to any and everyone that has an opinion.
I'm not saying co-workers are not trustworthy. All I am trying to say is talk to someone you trust. Someone who knows you and you know them as well. Now, I am not saying some stranger don't give good advice, because some do. All I am saying is don't go ask your significant's other co-workers, running buddy, friend of a friend for advice. I think you know what I mean. That running buddy may want him or her to run with them that night and he or she tells you anything just to get you angry and the significant other is free for the night. You're angry, don't want to be bother and there! He or she is out for the night. Then a few days later that person tell you, "oh! that advice I gave you ignore it" Or "What I told you the other day is not true". Then you've wasted a night from your significant other and I don't know how many mad days you spent being mad because of something someone else told you.
A person may have an interest in you or your significant other and would like to see you two at ends with each other or even would like to see you two break up with each other. You can never know what is on in the minds of others. What I am saying is that talking to others can hurt your relationship sometimes more then helping it. Know who you are talk to, know that the person cares about you and your happiness.
It's not smart to expose personal problems in a relationship for many reasons. One reason is those very words can come back to haunt you. For instance, Say you told everyone about how your significant other cheated on you and How he or she just has no respect for you. How he or she just dogged you Out! during that bad period of your life. Then months even years later, you and your significant other are doing so good together now. Everything is going well! then someone you haven't seen in years that you told all that bad stuff to, comes back and sees you two together and start ranting and raving asking you why are you still with that person? After what you told them about he or she?! All that stuff they did to you! How could you be stupid enough to be with this person to this day?! Pow! Thrown back in your face! awful, just awful.
So it may be wise to talk only to someone you trust. So many things could go wrong by talking to too many people about your personal relationship.
Some people trust a Pastor, or a Priest or someone like that to talk about the relationship. This is all good, but make sure it's ok with your significant other before hand and don't just spring it on them. Talk over the fact that you think it will served the relationship for the better, if you two were to speak with someone. If you two agree then go for it. If not, Don't try to force your significant other to go talk with the Pastor or someone. It's not going to work. If your significant other is embrassed to talk about personal problems with anyone else, it won't work to try to force them to do so.
Look, once a friend told me; she took her significant other to church and on a whim, decided to ask the Pastor to talk to the both of them about their problems. She knew this man didn't want to talk with anyone, because she had asked him many times before and he always said he didn't feel comfortable doing that. Well, they were called by the Pastor after church to meet him in his office. The significant other went into the office with her, but he had no idea what was going on. They sat down, She talked about their problems and She said he was silent throughout the whole thing. The Pastor asked questions and he did not answer them. She had to answer. He did not contribute to it at all. So the Pastor set up another date and time they both agreed and it was over. I mean it was over! When they got home that night he lefted her. He waited until she went to sleep. He packed all his things and he left her! She never heard from him again! She was devastated! but, this is the results of her trying to force him into counseling.
My advice is to talk to your significant other and try to work it out. I know it's hard. I know some people don't even want to sit to listen. Just keep trying to talk it out. If both agree to talk with someone about it together, this is all good. If not, You will just have to keep trying to solve the problem, if you think the relationship is worth it. If you don't think so let it go, just let it go.
There's a saying Strangers are better to talk to about your problems and in some cases they are and sometimes not. Let's say semi-strangers if you will... The people you run into but don't really know. I call them semi-strangers. You're at the laundry mat and you see a woman which you seen shopping at the same Grocery store as you. You see her again maybe a the pizza joint and again at church. You wouldn't necessarily go to her and start talking about your relationship, would you? Well I'm not saying you can't or you should not but is it wise? This semi-stranger only know you about as much as you know her. She maybe a good listener or maybe not. She may just be you significant others ex, or a friend of a friend of a friend of his girlfriend that was never introduced to you. Now you go blabbing to this semi-stranger. Then you forget about you even had a conversation with someone out of your ring. Months passes years and talk began to swirl. You don't know where it is coming from. You are under fire with your signficant other once again. This time he says this is enough you have done this way too many times. He ends it with you.
Now you are along but hopefully you have learned something. Hopefully you finally get the picture. So when you get a new person in your life you may trust him or her better or maybe you will figure out ways to get talking with him or her instead of others.
I believe you should be able to resolve your problems any problems you may be having in your relationship with talking to each other. Not by bringing others in. Well in most cases this is what I believe. So try to be more creative in feeling out the other person, to get he or she to talk. There is a way to do this. You just have to be patient and try to figure it out.
Being in a relationship takes work. It's not easy. Noone has the quick and easy solution. All are different. Each relationship is different. So just work hard at it. If the relationship is really worth it to you and you will see the pay off over time. Counseling can help in some cases but please make sure it is a joint decision.
Oh, and sometimes you may not be a good match for each other. Finding a good match for yourself maybe hard to do. Match sites are a good start. Just hanging out at your usual bar, church, Nite club, Atheletic club, the beach. Just keep your eyes open. Most importantly Keep your mind open.
© 2009 Lori