- Gender and Relationships»
- Advice & Tips for Men in Relationships»
- Dating Tips for Men
Ten Dating Mistakes Men Make that Drive Women Away
First off I want to start this hub on a warm note. I am writing this as a young adult female in her twenties and I will write it very honestly. When it comes to behaviour and attitude, women pick up on things that you may think are small or are romantic which to her are seen in a very different way.
Now I know a lot of men like to jump to the conclusion that "she's crazy" or "she just likes guys that will treat her like dirt" or, my personal favourite "she put me in the friendzone for no reason!" A lot of the time men don't completely understand the situation and overlook certain actions and phrasing that frightens women away.
In no way am I "slamming" you men, nor am I criticising you. I am writing this to help you understand how to behave properly towards a woman.Ready for your date? Let's get started :)
1. Mr Narcissistic.
Nothing turns women off more and gets our running shoes on faster than Mr I Love Me. Men who do nothing but brag, flaunt themselves and talk about how incredible they are, how many women want them, how many women have slept with them and how good-looking they are definitely have something to hide. Us women call it a lack of personality.
Imagine a woman you're dating always flipping her hair, telling you how amazing she is, telling you that all men adore her, she is a goddess and the sun only rises to grace her life. That is what men that are full of themselves sound like to women.
Women much prefer the genuine guy, you don't need to flaunt your looks. If she's on a date with you, she thinks you're attractive, she doesn't need to be told how manly you are or how much you look like a famous model.
That girl that's beautiful but she doesn't know it? Us girls like guys that are just the same, handsome but he doesn't know it.
Mr Middle Ages
1. Mr Middle Ages.
There is nothing wrong with being a gentleman... from this modern day and age. Women utterly despise a man who says "you sound have a man for that" or "you shouldn't be carrying heavy things" and another one of my favourites "why don't you get your man to do that, it's not for the fairer sex to do"
First off, women are not made from delicate rose petals. We are perfectly capable of doing things, some women enjoy playing the feeble princess because she wants you to impress her. She does not, however, want you to treat her like she is incapable or in any way "fairer" or beneath you. A man that does not view a woman as an equal will never have a happy relationship life.
This isn't a problem for many guys, but for the men that say they want a traditional housewife that cooks, cleans, doesn't work and raises 5 children, it is a different story. The majority of women do not want that and they want things split 50/50 as it should be. Treat her how you wish to be treated with respect, trust and love and she will return it.
Mr Sex Offender
3. Mr Sex Offender.
I don't necessarily mean a convicted sex offender, I mean someone that is overly interested in sex. Someone that wants sex on the first date, five times per day and expects it as much as he likes. Men like this come across as very forceful and immature and women want a man they can trust, depend on that is mentally and physically matured. Men that are too touchy-feely tend to be the ones with the hand print on their faces. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be intimate with her, but please respect her space and be safe.
As humans we are an evolved species, supposedly more so than mating every female (or male) that moves. Humans are born with a highly developed brain capable of logic and reasoning and therefore we are perfectly capable of making good choices and controlling ourselves. If sex is a constant problem or it interferes with your daily life, please seek professional advice.
If you intend to date a woman and you are highly sexual, the conservative girl that isn't too interested, or doesn't want it that often is not going to be a good match for you.
4. Mr Stalker
Let's face it, regardless of gender we have all been in that relationship with a girlfriend/boyfriend, family member or even just a friend that seems to be a little too enthusiastic. There is nothing wrong with complimenting the woman you're seeing, or sending her a text letting her know you care, or even asking a few questions. However the line should be drawn somewhere. A guy that is persistently asking questions (especially the same or similar ones) continually compliments her on a date, wants to know everything she does, or that finds himself on her Facebook profile more than he should each day, comes across as a stalker. Women do not like to be harassed by men, there is a difference between romance and harassment. If you have ever complained about a girlfriend ringing you, texting you, sending you emails, calling you at work or overly complimenting you/ being too clingy, then you know the sort of thing I'm talking about. Yes, men do this too.
Do you really need to text her every hour? Is it wise to check up on her in the middle of the night or when she's out with some friends? Is showing up at her house uninvited romantic or creepy?
Limit the amount of times per day you speak to her, especially in the beginning. Women like their space and if one thing makes us run, it's a guy that could be a potential stalker. It makes us feel threatened. If you do find yourself doing this, relax and just stop for a while and give her the chance to respond positively before you go in for more.
Mr Emotional Wreck
5. Mr Emotional Wreck.
Remember that one kid at school that was always sobbing, causing a huge drama scene, problems every day? Women really don't like men to be a mess. While there is NOTHING WRONG WITH SHOWING EMOTION, you do not need to burst into floods of tears over the slightest thing, fly off in a rage and threaten to batter the next guy that looks at her, become possessive, jealous or falls in love on a regular basis. These men are often emotionally unstable and emotionally immature and should seek professional help before entering the dating world.
If you are one of these men that calls her up in the middle of the night upset, begs for her forgiveness after cheating/ otherwise causing upset, shouts at her or other people over slight things or expresses emotion in an overly expressive manner, you should stop and think. Please seek some professional help if you feel it would be beneficial to you. Trying to date after going through a long marriage, dealing with grief, stress or a mental health issue may not be the wisest choice for you. Take some time, resolve the problems and then enter the dating world when you're sure you're ready.
It is good to show emotions, women love men that are manly enough to cry, to laugh, to show annoyance, a tiny amount of jealousy and anything else human. The saying boys don't cry but men do is a valuable one.
6. Mr Moneybag$$
Is it really true that women love money? Yes, women love money the same way men do. Who doesn't? It's no secret. But women are turned off by a man with money and too much time on his hands to flaunt it. While most women don't actually care if you're rich or broke, some of them do, and some men take it upon themselves to think that all women want a man that can buy her designer bags, diamonds and restaurant meals every week. Most mature women are not interested in how much you have. Guys that drive cars with blacked out windows, blaring music, gold rings on every finger, gold teeth and bragging about how much he can spend on her (or anything else) are not what the majority of DECENT women want.
Not all guys are like this, the majority of people are the honest worker, unemployed or just a regular average Joe. This is perfectly fine. I'm also not saying it's wrong to have money or want to buy nice things for you or for her, but when you're dating her and you're flaunting money, splashing the cash or gloating about yourself, you really need to stop and think. Is this really going to attract a decent woman that you can take home to your mother or even marry? I seriously doubt it.
Put the gold teeth away and stuff the wallet in your pocket. Just be yourself, she will be more impressed by honesty and a good personality than how many designer bags you can buy for her.
7. Mr Nothing-In-Common-With
Not everyone is a grown, mature, deadly serious adult. It's fun to be a little immature sometimes and perfectly harmless. But when you're throwing tantrums, pouting or preaching things you have seen on Tumblr or Facebook (especially in Meme's) that's a different story. I have completely lost interest in men in the past because they have said "she friendzoned me" and "she doesn't know how much of an amazing guy I am, she wants to date the badboy" and going on about how women don't like decent men.
If you're a regular guy, working a regular job at e.g. waiter, you don't have too much money, you've got okay looks and you're a kind person but you see a beautiful super model walking by and ask her out and she says no, will you be the one to scream that she likes to be beaten and treated like dirt? Women are attracted to people with things they have in common with. If she is a 21-year-old super model that loves fast cars, expensive holidays, diamonds and male models, she isn't ever going to be interested in an average guy no matter how nice she is, because the model guy is who she wants. The same way you feel threatened by outstandingly beautiful women, women feel the same about men so both genders will revert to choosing someone they deem to be on the same level as themselves both physically and intellectually.
Try to find someone you have something in common with. You may score the perfect 10 with a woman's looks, her intellect and everything else. You may be very lucky and have everything in common with her and ride off into the sunset, but the majority of the time this isn't the case. Both men and women want to be with someone safe. Someone that is attractive inside and out that they can talk to, laugh with and enjoy similar things with. If you're the type to only date 10's and value a female purely on looks (or a male for that matter) you may never live a happy relationship life. You have to be able to click with someone and bond to get a relationship.
8. Mr Immature
Like what I said above about the whole preaching Tumblr and Facebook things in real life, Mr Immature is the type of person to take immaturity to a whole new level. There is nothing wrong with liking a few kids films, enjoying a stuffed animal or collection action figures, but when it comes to the real world you can't be excessively immature emotionally or physically.
Imagine a woman of 50 dressing in a leather skirt, baseball cap, converse and a band t-shirt. The first thought is a teeth sucking hiss and "she is too old for that" The same thing applies to men of all ages. Laughing at a poop joke or making farting noises may be funny once or twice, but to do things excessively and preach everything you see online is not a very mature thing to do and it drives women away in a heartbeat. I have personally spoken to men that were just fine until they started talking about "friendzones" and "screw society". These things are very immature, mid-teen Tumblr fads and have no place in the adult world.
Failure to commit, excessive sexual behaviour, that "yolo" attitude and too much partying is not what a mature, grown man does and women do not like this. I'm talking regular women, not club hoppers.
If you are a grown man that behaves like a teenager, it's time to stop.
Women want a mature, sensible man that they can rely on and have an intelligent conversation with. If you are behaving in a way that is making her avert her eyes, heave a heavy sigh or otherwise seem unimpressed by something you've said/done, it's more likely that your behaviour is not socially acceptable rather than that she is boring.
Now I understand a lot of grown men don't behave this way, but I have seen them in public talking loudly, copying what they've seen online or behaving in an excessively outlandish way e.g. dressing "emo" in their thirties. There's a time and place for these things and it's online and in your "selfies" rather than the dating world. A woman that wants a mature relationship isn't going to be impressed by your adult teen angst.
9. Mr Disrespectful
Mr Disrespectful is a man that falls into one of the following categories; Disrespectful to women (knowingly or unknowingly), the "I hate everything" guy, the sort of person that says things without thinking, has no respect for other people's opinions and behaves in other socially unacceptable ways.
There are lots of disrespectful men out there that make the fatal mistake of telling "woman jokes" or making wise cracks about women in the kitchen, women being stupid, women being crazy. The moment these jokes slip from your mouth the word will spread like wildfire and any woman you could take home to marry will run a mile. If she were to start cracking jokes about your endowment, your skin colour, religion or anything else you'd take offense to, you would be extremely upset. Think of it from her point of view, she will see you as not valuing women.
The other sort are the men that blurt things out, making rude comments or behave in a manner that is embarrassing or unacceptable. If you don't like the dress she has on, you don't need to tell her she looks ugly, if you don't like something her mother says, you don't need to start calling her names and if you don't agree with her opinion you don't need to shout at her and fall out with her over it.
Disrespectful men (Especially if they treat women as inferior, fragile or crack those sexist jokes) do not get anywhere in the real world of dating. While some women may laugh along, they will also go home and spread the word that you are sexist and to women, a sexist man is an abusive one.
Do you really believe the things said in those jokes? Are they really funny? Would you get away with walking into a mosque and cracking racist jokes about people? No you wouldn't, so you can't get away with cracking them out to a woman (or anyone) A racist joke is still racist even if it's intended to be funny. If you don't truly believe that a woman's place is in the kitchen and she has been a problem since she could vote, don't say it, and if you do believe it, don't say it and leave the dating world. You won't find a woman behaving this way.
Men that don't know when to quit are another problem because they say and do things that otherwise upset the majority of normal people. Don't make rude comments to people, don't yell people down and don't treat people with disrespect because you feel you are superior or it makes you look good in front of your friends. It makes you look like you have serious problems.
10. Mr Communication.
Have you ever been to a friend's house and they've sat there whilst you're talking, texting on their phone? Ever been out with someone that was more interested in taking pictures of you all together to post on Facebook than what is actually going on around you? Or perhaps that one person that interrupts normal conversation to talk on the phone.
Women are offended by men that seem more interested in what someone else is saying, how much more important this phone call to your best friend's dog is or those fake "business" calls a lot of men pull to men themselves seem more important in their job. It doesn't impress women, it exasperates them and there's nothing more tiring than putting effort into a conversation that isn't there. It is rude and ignorant.
If you're on a date with a lady, switch off the phone or leave it on complete silence. You don't need to check it, you don't need to take calls during dinner and you shouldn't be sneaking off to the toilet to check it every few minutes. Give her your full attention, it doesn't matter about that fight on Facebook, what your friend says about next week's football game or who has been sleeping with who. What matters is your potential to find a woman you could be with for the rest of your life. You can survive without communication for a few hours with her.
Taking one call once or sending one or two texts isn't the same as being interested in other conversations. Taking calls on the first date can leave a woman feeling as though you will never have enough time for her and she may not want to see you again.
So now we've reached the end of this little hub. I hope it was helpful to you and you may have found some answers. Just think, if you wouldn't like a woman to do it to her and you would call her crazy and unstable, don't be the one that does it to her because she will call you the same.
Women are not some fragile, alien species that cries over things and analyses everything. The majority of women don't do this. If you are the sort of person with a stony expression and don't voice what you think or your emotions, then we are bound to make assumptions that you aren't interested, you're bored of us or don't want to see us any more. It's the same for men and a woman that is stone cold and shows nothing but a blank slate to you.
What women truly want is a man to be himself, to be faithful, honest and mature. The fact is most people are not interested in most people and most people are designed to be attracted to the average face. Truly ugly people are extremely rare and truly beautiful people (without any help at all) are extremely rare so chances are you're pretty okay. Being able to approach a woman, be nice to her and have things in common with her and to be more interested in her than her body will never fail you when it comes to romance. We can sense one heck of a lot more than men realise.