- Gender and Relationships»
- Advice & Tips for Men in Relationships
Ten Character Traits of a Good Man
Jill Shavis, author of Simply Irresistible complains, "Men are like parking spots. All the good ones are taken, and those that aren't are inaccessible."
But Jill, in a parking lot, it takes strategy and patience to discover a good spot. It might also take strategy and patience to find a good man.
Although each woman has specifics about what makes a man good for her, most of them will include the following characteristics on their list of qualifications.
1. Respect for God
"The things that have always been important: to be a good man, to try to live my life the way God would have me, to turn it over to Him that His will might be worked in my life." -Johnny Cash
There's something appealing about an intelligent, mature, financially independent man who declares his respect for God and credits Him for his successes. It feels comfortable trusting a man who
- considers himself accountable to an Omnipotent Being;
- who considers his talents as gifts from God to bless others;
- allows the godly principles he has learned to influence his relationships.
2. Respect for Women
"A real man, the kind of man a woman wants to give her life to, is one who will respect her dignity, who will honor her like the valuable treasure she is." -Leslie Ludy
Respect for one woman is respect for every woman.
- A good man promotes the dignity of past and present female friends.
- He protects their confidentiality.
- He credits his mother and grandmother (or other motherly figures) with significant contributions to his manhood.
- He recognizes and honors the women in his life.
- He extends courtesies and speaks kindly to them; he encourages other men to do the same.
It makes a woman happy to be associated with him.
3. Great Conversation
“The art of conversation is the art of hearing as well as of being heard.” -William Hazlitt
He discusses the other person's interests and shares his own. He continually finds opportunities to express affirmation and love. He asks questions and makes observations which feed a sense of purpose. No put-downs, no intimidation, no judgments. Talking with him boosts the spirit, energizes the mind, and leaves one feeling grateful for his friendship.
4. Clean Humor
"One can know a man from his laugh, and if you like a man's laugh before you know anything of him, you may confidently say that he is a good man." -Fyodor Dostoevsky
He initiates the laughter on many occasions and he also provokes the other person's sense of humor. The honesty on his face, free from sneaky and snobbish glances lets you know, even from a distance, that his laughter is not based on anything ridiculous or vulgar. He laughs at his own mistakes and lets those in this company know that they can do the same.
5. Positive Self-Image
"“The man who does not value himself, cannot value anything or anyone.” -Ayn Rand
- How to be a Good Man | eHow
Good men are guided by their inner code. To a truly good man, the only test of his manhood is himself.
“You are the only you God made... God made you and broke the mold,” writes Max Lucado in You are Special, a self-esteem builder for children and adults. A real man knows that Max is writing about him.He is:
- confident, but not conceited
- self-assured but not stuck-up.
A man who acknowledges his own value is more likely to acknowledge value in someone else. He gives what he has.
"Respect for ourselves guides our morals, respect for others guides our manners." -Laurence Stern
The church folk, his employees, his clients and his community in general express respect and admiration for him. Obviously, his self-respect attracts their respect for him. They regard him as an authority figure and a friendly counselor in basic life management skills and they trust his judgment. He extracts smiles from most people. A woman feels honored to be seen in his company.
7. Fun Parent-Child Rapport
"I was raised in the greatest of homes... just a really great dad, … always provided for the kids, and just a lot of fun." -Max Lucado
The quality of parenting is measured by the quality of relationship between parent and child. The good man scores big in this area. He enjoys the respect of his children and grand-children. They look after his interest and they crave his counsel. They anticipate family dinners which feature his presence, if not his cooking. They share fun and laughter. If his children are happy with him, he must be good company.
8. Concern for Others
"I think a gentleman is someone who holds the comfort of other people above their own. The instinct to do that is inside every good man, I believe." -Anna Kendrick
He’s concerned not only about his friend, but also about the other people in his friend's life. He inquires about their relatives, their health status, their progress in whatever projects they are involved. He also has friends among the elderly who have come to rely on him for various types of assistance. They continually express gratitude for his acts of kindness. He’s good for lots of things—and lots of people!
"A real man can make a woman fall in love without touching anything but the heart." --Unknown
He expresses intimacy without being physical. The hand-written notes, the surprise telephone calls on some days, the taped music with personal messages interspersed, the night-time serenades aimed at relieving daytime stress—changing the recipient's mood from frustration and fear to respite and romance. He makes one feel loved, valued and wanted.
10. Passion for Music
"Where words leave off, music begins." -Heinrich Heine
A good man knows that he cannot say it all. He also knows the power of music to convey his feelings. Sometimes he calls and says, "Just listen." The lyrics may be sung by him or by someone else. It may be an instrumental played by him or by some other.
His love of music is not only to enhance his relationship. He is aware that music contributes to his mental and emotional health. He devotes time to listening and playing alone; and his music collection spans several decades and includes all genres. Sometimes he plays and sings passionately like nobody’s listening. It has nothing to do with the quality of his voice; it has everything to do with the fervor in his heart.
“After silence” according to Aldous Huxley, “that which comes nearest to expressing the inexpressible is music.” If that is true, then a great part of understanding a good man is understanding his music.