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How are we "SUPPOSED" to deal with life crisis?
Crisis on a personal front involving relationships (friendship, parents, partner and so on) is something that all of us will have to go through in life. Because quite honestly unless you are an alien, at a point in life you will find that certain relationships are not working out the way you would like them to. Now, you might find your self dealing with one relationship breaking down at a time or in more testing times multiple relationships breaking down or affected all at once.
All this sounds so tragic (just like a tragedy movie), but it happens and that's the bitter truth. So if this is just what happens in life then what is the problem?
Well its how we deal with these situations, how our emotions respond and ultimately how we are left feeling about our self.
My experience and what did it teach me?
Please note that I'm no life coach or a psychologist to give anybody any advice but what I would like to do is share my experience of recent events in the hope that it might help someone in one way or the other (or just make a good read for someone).
So very recently all of a sudden I found my self overwhelmed with what I call "personal crisis". See for me personal crisis is where the are various things on the personal front going wrong. For me my crises was about death in the family, one of my parent becoming ill, my ex getting married (even though "I thought" I had moved on), estrangement from my sibling and the breakdown of a very close friendship. (Phew that was long)
I had all this happening at the same time (life sucks, I know), so how should I react? Well to tell you the truth my brain was fried, I was a mess, it became difficult for me to even try to talk without wanting to scream or break down, but I had to get on with the daily tasks of life which made it even more unbearable.
My first emotion was frustration, I was completely frustrated at the fact that most of these situations were out of my control, we all are able to deal well with situations that we can control but we tend to breakdown in situations that we have no control over. That's exactly what I was feeling and hating this feeling too. Then came the emotion of hurt and being left behind, friendship breakdown, estrangement from my sibling and my ex moving on, all left the emotion of hurt and being devalued. Then came the ultimate feeling of anger at WHY I was feeling like this, why was I so weak to feel like this? Why couldn't I just deal with it and stop sulking around? Why had it become so difficult to think about something else than these problems?
Well I started retracting from the people I had around me, I had realised that I needed time on my own to deal with the noise of my emotions, to allow my emotions to flow freely and be unrestrained at crying be it on my own. once I got this time to myself, the fog of emotions started clearing up, although i'm still dealing with it (because it doesn't happen over night) I started to see that needing time to your self is NOT a bad thing. It allowed me to be a complete mess without the need to explain something that even I didn't' understand and I am coming to the conclusion that feeling like this is okay.
We all have made this image of a strong person to be composed, social, confident and always happy, right? Let me tell you, this image is absolutely perfect.... BUT WRONG, because there is no such thing as perfect in life.This is a concept which in society only allows us to be let down. As far as humans have evolved, we have not come as far to be able to filter out or delete upcoming emotions naturally, so to be in an emotional mess at your testing times is okay. It doesn't show that you are weak, pathetic (to still hold on to relationships) , or a burden to be around. No it just shows how much the situation affected you and how much the people being affected or the people lost meant to you. You might see them moving on and ask "was I only worth that much", but that is their choice (and there is nothing wrong with it), but their choice shouldn't define your worth, yes you will have to deal with memories (hey the brain is no white board), deal with making plans with out them, get used to the fact that they are no longer involved in your life, deal with the fact that some one you love is ill and you don't have a magic wand to heal them. The Key to all this in my opinion is TIME and Space.
Give your self time to heal (its a long process and I have just started), give your self space to be alone from others because your emotions need that space. Along with these two elements, do something to express your self and everything you are feeling but in a structured way (writing is my expression).
The rest is all about healing at your own pace, because remember we all are different and react differently.
What keeps you going?
For me its me reminding myself that this phase is NOT FOREVER. Even though it might feel like eternity but no time lasts forever and the same rule is applied to the downs in life.
What causes destruction?
I started going wrong when I stopped myself from expressing, and started keeping it all in. This is like creating a ticking time bomb, because bottled up emotions will eventually come out but with an explosion, in these situations you might end up offending people you care about which again brings you back to the cycle of crisis. Scream if you need to, cry your heart out as often as you need to, these all are naturally programmed in us so there is no logic in suppressing them.
I am still working through my problems, but I have realised that its a process which takes time and my journey of recovery has just started but I write this in the hope that it would help some one out there, because this is what life is about and always remember that after the night comes the morning.