It washes over me. Warm, like hot blood. That feeling. The one ive been aching for. It taunted me, danced and teased, always so close, but just too far out of my reach. And now it posesses me. Ahhhhh.
Suddenly i have merged with a feeling of utter satisfaction. I dip my head back, and the hot rush washes over me.
I feel clean, yet, not so clean.
the fear has left me now.
This whole time my mind has been like a dark wood. My escape has been to search that wood inside my mind for answers. Clues. Reasons.
I close my eyes.
Im at the entrance of the wood. I brush past the initial foliage covered entrance, and step inside, and the light dissapears behind me as i step forwad. Like a dying star, illumination is deceased, and the darkness overtakes me.
I take it slow...careful...steady...
Wandering around trees and bushes, trying to find what im looking for.
but as i already knew, i have no idea what that is.
Whatever is missing.
Something is not there that should be.
Like a savage, full of frusteration, lust, and anger, I slash at branches, and scrape through leaves. I rip through the dirt at my feet, digging down deeper, and deeper.
My hand grasps the root, and my fingers, dirty and cut open grasp its sheer girth.
Suddenly, my back arches, and light bursts from my very eyes, illuminating the darkness.
I found it. The wave. The dark sick and twisted wave.
It overtakes me. I am whole again.
Feeling so desperate for so long,
Holding in every breath until release was not an option.
And i finally feel the blessing i needed to exhale.
It was inside of me all the while.
The memory comes back to me, hot and steady.
it was my decision.
Nothing soothes the pain of anguish...like breaking your own rule.
Barefoot i stand, and raise my arms to the celest.
Once stifled and struggling, now empty and clean.
The space belongs to me.
the raven's eyes no longer hold judgement.
Just in time.
In just the right place.
I walk into the darkness,
looking back only once
the ruby red slippers hang from a dead branch gleaming in the darkness.