- Gender and Relationships
The 10 Worst Mistakes Men Make With Women
Read, Listen and Learn
Women. Don’t we men love them! Women come in all sizes, shapes, colors, political affiliations, college allegiances, hair colors, eye colors and dress sizes. And we men appreciate them, but are without proper words to adequately express our feelings about these near-perfect creations of God: Women.
For years, most women have been neglected, used, abused, overlooked for promotions at work, worked for less than a man doing the same job and thought of as a ‘second class citizen’ in their homes. And women, you know that I am not just blowing smoke. I am telling the unvarnished truth.
Women, for many years, have, for so long, gone overlooked in the many contributions they have made to modern-day society. I am not with ample space, time or mental faculties to list every single thing that women have added to society, not detracted from it.
I say this with the utmost respect, “Women are complex creatures.” Why I know that fact? I am married to a woman. Before I married my wife, I even dated women. And every woman I carried on a date was entirely different from the woman I dated the weekend before. In general, women think on the same wavelength. You abuse one woman, you might as well abuse all women. And that says women live in solidarity for they, sometimes, only have other women to look out for them.
It’s easy, so easy, for a man, any man, to make a mistake in life. We are all human beings prone to making an occasional mistake. But I find that when we men are dealing with women, the percentage of making mistakes grows higher because 1. We men haven’t been educated or given enough sensitivity training to ‘really’ understand a woman’s wants, needs, or her goals in life . And 2. We mean think that we can just lay-back, be ourselves, and the woman we are with at the time, will fully-understand us and our bumbling communication and social skills. Not so, gents.
I have been doing some rather serious thinking about this story. Well, honestly, I do a lot of serious thinking about all of my stories for I want them to be useful, enjoyable, and sometimes comical to make you laugh if only for a moment to forget whatever trouble is on your mind. And now is the perfect time to say, a sincere “thank you,” to all of the HubPages editors who are women , Thank you for all the hard work that you do. This man appreciates you very much.
The title of this story is, “The 10 Worst Mistakes Men Make With Women,” and by taking time to read this, speaking to the men, maybe one or all of these points will help you to not only be a better man, but a far-better husband with finely-tuned communication, mental, and social skills--are three areas are always to be in tune and “hitting on all cylinders” to enable you, the men, to find success in dealing with the women in your life.
And let me repeat -- these points are only to the men in our audience.
1. DO NOT ASSUME - that your wife or girlfriend will always like “you.” Getting into a rut in a marriage or relationship when you are dating is near-fatal to that marriage or single relationship. If you look and listen carefully, men, you can spot the tell-tale signs of this rigorous arena of “getting into a rut.”
A. she rolls her eyes when you suggest the SAME place for dinner. Women like variety.
B. she lets out a soft breath of disgust when you get her the SAME gift for her birthday or anniversary.
C. she is cold toward you for NEVER showing her any affection. Women are wired differently, men. They appreciate being told the nice things--”Honey, you look good tonight,” or “Dear, that necklace is just you!” Little things, men. Not big things. Help you to keep your marriage or single relationship intact.
2. NEVER THINK - at all. That women don’t mind YOU talking about ‘old flames’ in your past. They do. Big time. Would you appreciate her bringing up the “Todd’s,” “Biff’s” and “Roger’s” she dated before she met you? No, you wouldn’t. Put the ‘old flames” out. Simple enough.
3. NEVER ACCEPT - their answer, “Fine,” when you ask, “Honey, is everything alright?” If you get the one-word answer, mostly ‘fine,’ then there is a problem that you need to sit down and talk to her about. There is definitely something on her mind. And please, when you ask the woman in your life if something is wrong, and she says, “fine,” do not grab the remote and tune-in to Monday Night Football for soon, if you keep up this accepting that she is ‘fine,’ Monday Night Football may become your companion. And that isn’t a pleasant image to have in your mind.
4. NEVER INTERRUPT - your wife or girlfriend when she is in mid-sentence. She is expressing her feelings to you, the man in her life. And by interrupt I mean, don’t say anything like this, “Honey, that’s all good and fine about your dilemma, but let me tell you what happened to me in the office,” this tells her that you don’t care, at all, about her feelings much less what her day was like being a stay-at-home mom with all the marketing, child-raising, cooking, cleaning, and bill-paying to do all before YOU got home from work. Just listen to her. That’s all you need to do. Listen.
5. NEVER GO TO SLEEP - with an unresolved problem that she brought up, but you only told her, “We can talk later. I’m beat,” get it solved. Then. Your sleep will be sweeter. And you won’t have to take up the unresolved problem the next day. Face troubles immediately. Both you and your wife or girlfriend will be much more benefited.
6. NEVER THINK IT’S OKAY - to even playfully ‘joke’ about her girlfriends. This is a ‘landmine’ for a marriage or single-relationship. Okay. I get it. Some of her girlfriends are not as attractive as she is. Big deal. But try to compliment them the best you can. I say that a labored-compliment is far better than a playful joke about her friends. She values her girlfriends. Remember, she had them before she had you in her life. And friendships to women, are sacred. Keep that in mind.
7. ALWAYS KNOW - that’s it’s the last thing you say to her that she remembers the most. If you work and she doesn’t, I don’t care how bad you feel, give her a nice kiss and embrace and tell her “I love you.” I have heard of men and women who didn’t tell their companions that they loved them as they left the house and, sadly, they met with a fatal accident leaving the companion left behind to always dwell on the fact that they wished they had told the other companion that they loved them. And do this before you to go to sleep. My wife and I have been married, by the grace of God, 36 years, and we practice this at nighttime and if one of us leaves the house. Men, the “what ‘if’s” can cause you such mental torment that I cannot begin to describe it here. Just tell your wife you love her when you leave and at bedtime. And throw in some I love you’s when you are both together.
8. NEVER DECEIVE YOURSELF - into believing that just because she is not talking to you, that YOU are the root of the problem. I think it’s fine to ask if you did something to offend her, but normally, her mind is on the kids’ schoolwork, what a neighbor said to her or something that she thinks is serious. In this case, do not badger her into telling you why she isn’t talking to you. But be available for her when and if she decides to talk. DO NOT grab the golf clubs and say, “Honey, gonna go get Tom and hit a few balls. Call me on my cell at the country club if you want to talk about your troubles,” for when you return home, you will have a set of brand-new troubles to meet you. Give of yourself. She will appreciate you for it, men.
9. DON’T LET IT SINK INTO YOUR MIND - that what you think or what your opinion is, that’s her’s also. Remember, women have minds, brains, their minds work faster than a 40 gig, 700 megabyte hard drive. They can process facts at the speed of light. Please say this (or something like this) when you are discussing a situation or problem with your wife or girlfriend, “What do you think?” Then listen. She just might solve the problem that is facing both of you. I know first-hand that over the years, my wife has solved many problems for us. And I was glad of it. I am proud of the fact that I made it my practice to compliment, encourage, and build up my wife no matter how good or bad I felt. Especially when family situations were on the table.
10. DON’T CREATE - trouble for yourself when keeping quiet will be better. So what if a guy smiled at her at the supermarket? So what? This just compliments your taste in women. Even if a guy chats with her at the same supermarket, is this any reason for you to start manufacturing jealousy-related fantasies and stupid questions about her having an affair right there in the frozen foods department? Listen to the facts before you open your mouth. God gave you two ears and one mouth. This guy just might be one of her old classmates. And listen, guys, when one of your female classmates see you and your wife in public and this classmate of yours speaks to you or embraces you…DO NOT act like a Romeo, kiss her repeatedly, hold her hand, stand with your back to your wife and the worst mistake you can ever make in this situation: You never introduce this female classmate to your wife. And even worse, you say, “And this is my ‘ol lady,’ of 32 years,” this is out and out disrespect toward your wife. Be smart. Act sensible. Talk sensible. This will be to your advantage, men.
In closing, here are a few more things that us men can profit by:
1. Women were not put on earth to be our servants.
2. Women are not to be used as breeding stock.
3. Women have rights--at home, school, and in the workplace.
4. A wife is not to lord over you, but walk WITH you.
5. Confessing to your wife or girlfriend, that you have feelings is not a sign of weakness.
6. Truth be told, women do not like violent-driven men.
7. A woman can be your best friend, ally, confidant. Without you feeling less than a man.
So with this information-packed story, I must bid you all farewell. This has been so much fun to try to be of help to all of the men who read my stories. My overall goal is to help one person at a time and thereby, the old saying, “one person can make a difference,” will become a reality.