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The AfterGlow That Ended All AfterGlows
He Felt Nothing
It's Weird, but I still love you!
You and I are (my imaginary friend) possessed of our separated, self constructed self images and it is for the purpose of the journey which returns all to it's beginnings from the homeland of God realms, which for simplicity we can call here belief system territories or the greater heavens. Together we are more God-like than apart. To separate is to back off for the grander view to partake of. To take a life is to agree to the earth curriculum, and then forget we have agreed. If we remembered all, we would not consent to come here at all.
I was the dead preacher (DP). He spoke the words above, not I, the gal that was going through a 2nd childhood because she had missed out on the 1st one. DP is my guide because he is also myself. Therefore, he and I are one, as although he be deceased in physical, he promised to help me get through this life. So you may say I channel myself and if you disagree with channeled material you may quit now, as I will give you that out.
You may think of me as a he/she if you wish to understand my message. The rest of the message is from the gal known as Laughing Rain for the most part, although DP slips in at opportune moments. DP is not here all the time. He is rather stodgy, but I love him, after all I am him or was him. It's hard to explain.
Continuing as to what a self image is: The self images are in themselves limited to the energetic patterns of expression utilized of necessity for attaining experience gain within dense physical matter, and this in a temporary way, dude, life is short. In this sense if you're still with me, no man can say I am the whole of God. The self image would proclaim equality with God, the Source. The Self can never be greater than the Source of it's own manufactured self.
People did not appear as if by magic. The self image thus manufactured has been called the ego as well as the devil. For my purposes I find self image a better term to work with, perhaps because the ego can be quite inflexible, while the self image can change according to the experience gathering plan that has been set forth even before birth. To say, I feel we have more control over what we shall think about ourselves when being introspective about how we view ourselves, while reconsidering our self constructs, than if we wallowed away the while considering to cast blame on the ego proclaiming it had expanded beyond it's own boundaries and created many methods to it's own madness. IE: a shit happens philosophy is a workable item only while shitting, and does not work when feces hits the fan.
As I study the life of a friend, exacted on the platform of a stage for all the world to see, I can see he was a better person when he remained in love, and true to that love. I study relationships to understand what works, when it works and why it works, and don't we all? Love makes the world turn; nothing need more be said about it.
When humans fall in love, they feel better about themselves because another is being supportive. It lasts as long as both are supportive of one another. Love replenishes it's self, so long as the parties remember their commitment to love and loving. I refer you back to my first statement: you and I are the more-ness of God, when we are enjoined in intention. God, or Source moves between His/Her creations within relationship, and this is why you will hear love songs proclaiming the curious words "I am nothing without you."
To sum up, when things go wrong in a relationship, forget what they did to cause it, just remember what you did to cause it. Forgiving self is always easier than trying to change them. When you forgive self first, all the chips fall into place automatically, sooner or later. We are here only to work on our own self and not the world we see out there.
Fleeing From the Leer
Love is God. The two terms are easily interchangeable and work in any circumstance of problem solving without having to drag religion into it. To sum up, it's not you or I that is God in expression by ourselves, it is that God is what goes between. Being physically close to another is not necessary to be at one with another. Our essence, when not denied, is Love, as that Love is God. Is Source. We were not formed of a gas odor by accident. Each encounter with another then, is a holy encounter, because of our Source origins.
It is from Love that Love comes about, and makes a circle of itself. We humans tend to think in terms of physical closeness as the be-all, end-all expression preferred, no judgment implied. It is what it became yet it becomes more than what it was because of unselfish love.
That sexual exchange can and is mistaken for the actual pure, love energy we all would surrender to, if it came our way, that love which passes understanding, which causes the cup to look half full, rather than half empty. This point should be obvious. We deny it for whatever reason but still thirst after that feeling of Love, of being our true essence. We often want to express love even more than we wish to be the recipient of Love. We wish to find opportunity to give, more so than to receive, and this is the beginning point of true spiritual growth.
Although sickness can also follow the person who gives too much, or loves too much as they may perceive it, and this may be seen as a fixer type of person who must fix everything even though nothing is really broken. Before I get too far off track, I must focus in on a singular sexual experience, which went a long way to teach me most of what I know about love and sex here. I can honestly say, I don't know that much; there is always more to learn. I will try to speak frankly but sometimes I can be seen to be corny. The irony of life has never escaped me.
I discovered when it comes to the sublime afterglow encountered after sexual union, the act itself is totally unnecessary as strange as that may seem. I encountered the afterglow and absolutely nothing physical had occurred between my lover and I, for he was impotent and intending to stay impotent. In my tiny self image I had manufactured, at first I felt greatly deceived, cheated, if you will, that I was ready to be loving him when he knew all along, the medication he imbibed on a permanent basis had made his body not work as it could have. He could have thought I could bring a dead man back to life with my body. Being a laid back person, who yet was not into casual sex, I wasn't up to the task.
No big Deal
No hard feelings ok?
I think I was experiencing the ultimate afterglow that sex has to offer, and God, Source, DP, whatever, had just walked into the room because I had extended an invitation long before we made it to the bedroom. I can hear the wise words of a good friend ringing in my head to say "you forgave him on the spot Alysia." Forgiveness is the real miracle and is an act of love surpassing any bedroom fiasco or heavenly romp of celebratory measure.
Sharing is part and parcel of what love is. But I could not share that I had become instantly quite satisfied by an awesome flood of forgiveness and understanding, and truly, nothing was wrong. We would act out the surface value of the relationship by immediately parting the ways with a couple more run ins which for certain pointed to the wisdom of the initial end of the relationship,
one such adventure had me running from a leer the size of Gibraltar, and with DP having to take over the steering of the car lest I wreck it in my haste to depart. I had come forth on a mission of mercy which was completely unnecessary.
The afterglow perplexed me, as this was supposed to happen AFTER sex in my mind. With this feeling of complete satisfaction all over the body, mind and soul coming not from sexual activity with the body itself, instead came this emotion of incredible size, a burst of love for the man, and knowing then automatically what to do that was best for both of us.
The moment translated itself into accepting him just as he was. I saw it the way God saw it, that he was not less lovable before, during and after sex than he was at this moment. God still accepted his choices as I had to also. I was at once close to both God and to him in understanding what Love is. What was wrong with him was temporary. It was his journey; it had nothing to do with him withholding his love from me as this was purely my ego perception and quite incorrect.
That was only my self image getting in the way that would say so, that I deserved love. My great realization was that I was this Love and so had no cause to be missing myself. Yet now I had a decision to make. I now became his teacher by sending him away, he could now become aware, it wasn't the woman's problem to solve, as he wanted me to do. That was where his real error lie, in expecting me to solve the problem.
All I could do was throw down the seed, he would have to sprout his own wisdom. In the meantime I return to the circle of my thoughts to remind myself and the reader, unless you're way ahead of me, when two come together in intimacy, whether we be speaking of sexual encounters or otherwise, it matters not, there is more God potentiality that can happen than when sitting in your closet contemplating the mysteries of the universe ever out of reach and ever springing up for further perusal. No matter what is happening, or not happening, we are about to see a lot of holy instants on this planet, and it's not just about bodies bumping in the night, jealousy, and spurned spouses and failed relationships, it's about something far more gracious and unselfish than we can imagine.
Something holy this way comes into our lives now. Honest communication is part of that. As for what we have made of sex and love, can sex ever be a holy encounter? The Course in Miracles says EVERY encounter with another person is a holy encounter. We do not believe this, but what if we did? The day is arriving that it may be so if we would invite the master Love doctor into our lives.