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The Aftermath of Hurt: Learning to Forgive

Updated on April 18, 2013
UMHiram profile image

Admin/HR Professional, Author, Entrepreneur and Retired Navy Veteran. Love writing, reading, traveling and sports.


When you've been deeply hurt by someone who told you that s/he loved you, it seems natural that you want him or her to hurt even worse than you. I know and understand because I have been there and felt that way.

I learned that a combination of things can assist you with working towards the healing process and getting over your hurt. Some of those methods include prayer & meditation, honest communication and turning negative energy into positive energy.

Prayer & Meditation

"I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help. My help cometh from the Lord, which made heaven and earth." - Psalm 121:1-2 KJV

The above scripture is one that I constantly refer to because of the many trials and tribulations that I've had to personally face, particularly over the past year. I am a very faith based individual who believes in the absolute power of prayer to my Lord & Savior Jesus Christ. I truly believe that prayer will wholeheartedly assist in helping you to overcome being hurt by that someone who you love(d) and trusted.

Meditation can help you to relax your mind and shift the focus from dwelling on how badly you feel because of what happened in your life. There are several breathing techniques and/or CDs that are available to be used during this process. When you can have a peaceful mindset then you are able to think and act more clearly. For example, instead of calling and belittling the person that hurt you then you could opt to just take a few days to calm down before attempting any type of conversation.

Honest Communication

Two adjectives that define the word honest are "sincere and frank." According to, communication is defined as "the imparting or interchange of thoughts, opinions, or information by speech, writing, or signs." These two words together signify an important exchange that needs to occur when one person hurts another.

I believe that despite whether or not these two individuals decide to continue interacting with each other (e.g. maintaining a relationship or friendship, if possible), a conversation will need to happen so that things aren't left unsaid between the involved parties. When you don't confront your issues head on then I personally feel that you never have any type of resolve in order to move ahead with life freely. You can't keep pain and disillusionment internalized because it will fester like an uncontrollable disease; therefore, "face your fears" by communicating your honest thoughts and feelings - even if the other person doesn't totally share as much initially.

Mary Mary - "Forgiven Me"

Negative Energy into Positive Energy

You may be wondering - what does this writer mean turning negative energy into positive energy? Well, if you think about it, we are all created with certain talents and gifts.

I have always loved to write poetry, song lyrics and letters to myself because that was a way to express my feelings without fear of being judged by others. There were many things that I just wanted to keep private so these methods were a way of doing that. As I've matured and experienced life (the good, bad and indifferent), I realize that there are many people who can relate to one or two of the trials that I've gone through over the years.

Writing is an artistic expression but it is also a healing method because you are able to transcribe your innermost thoughts and feelings especially when you've experienced hurt. I have written a wide array of poetry and decided to share some of it publicly here on Hubpages as well as in a self-published book entitled "The Chronicles of Life Poetry."

These works showcase some events that have occurred to people I love as well as personally. It has turned out to be a blessing because there are people who've been touched by the poems because of something that he/she has gone through in their life. As a result, the negative energy of being hurt turned into the positive energy of inspiring/comforting someone else.


Nobody wants to ever be hurt by someone that they have grown to trust, love or care about deeply. Unfortunately, people and circumstances change over the years; therefore, there is always the risk of this happening in your lifetime. The biggest concern is - how will you handle that hurt? Some people give up on life (e.g. suicide or massive depression) or some people plot revenge (e.g. figuring out what they can do to get back at the perpetrator) while others figure out how to dust themselves off and move forward in life.

I believe the methods that were mentioned above - prayer/meditation, honest communication and turning negative energy into positive energy can help turn a tremendous hurt into a road toward forgiveness.

I will leave you with a quote that I think best sums up how to deal with the aftermath of hurt in your life through forgiveness: "Forgiveness is the fragrance that the flower leaves on the heel of the one that crushed it." - John Arnott

So, which road will you choose today? Forgive or harbor the hurt?

Forgiveness Poll

If you've been terribly hurt by someone you loved & trusted, have you truly forgiven them?

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    • ziyena profile image

      ECLECTIC PLETHORA 4 years ago from LOST IN TIME

      I think forgiveness is one of the greatest lessons in life ... without forgiveness we cannot truly love ... wonderful hub

      Nice to meet you

    • UMHiram profile image

      Unique Hiram 5 years ago from Midwest

      Joe, thank you for your kind words and encouragement. It took a little while for me to decide to write this because being hurt is a powerful emotion to have to deal with. However, I truly believe if you can share what you learn or are still learning in dealing with life's circumstances then there will be more healing in this world. Hugs! Unique

    • hawaiianodysseus profile image

      Hawaiian Odysseus 5 years ago from Southeast Washington state

      You've drawn from personal heart-wrenching experience and shared lessons learned with so many others via this powerful hub. Thank you so much for thus exemplifying how effective a catharsis writing can be. God bless you, my friend. Aloha! Joe