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The Art of Being A Good Wife

Updated on October 19, 2014
Service doesn't mean slavery, it means love.
Service doesn't mean slavery, it means love.

Cooking and Bringing Him His Plate

It does not mean you are a slave to your husband to serve him dinner. In fact, I have found the nicer I am to my husband, he responds with the same effort I put in to make him happy. If I bring him his plate to the table, a smile forms, an appreciation glance is in his eyes, and the meal is actuallly enjoyed more. So what is wrong with simple tasks that have big lasting impressions on the person I love the most?

Simple Things Our Great-Grandmothers Did

There is an art to loving your spouse. This art has been reduced to labels of being his slave or some feminist say "no" to old traditions. But what if we took a look at what our Great-Grandmother's did to make their husbands happy. Can we make our spouse happier, and then the marriage is stronger, the bond is healthier, and both people in the marriage actually are more in love? I want to explore some things that may help bring back the art of being a good wife.

A Difficult Time for A Friend - A Happy Tale

IMy husband told me he wanted my hair to be cut straight across like a broom. So I went to the aid of friend, who works at a beauty salon. I told her that I wanted my hair cut straight across, like a broom, for my husband. She said, "I never cut my hair for my husband. I never dress for him. I don't even thinks he knows when I put something new on to wear." I was at a loss for words because I believe in pleasing my husband because when I do please him, I get more attention and the bond between feels stronger. There is more sexual tension as well as emotional connection. I told her that I felt that cutting my hair to please my husband, dressing in colors he lokes, and trying to be beautiful in his eyes, was all that I wanted. I wasn't trying to look beautiful for other men to look at me. I wanted my husband's eyes to always appreciate the choice he made. My friend simply disregarded what I said and cut my hair with an angle on both sides where the middle of my back had the longest length. I went home, and my husband said, "She didn't cut your hair like I liked." I said he was right, but she was in a really different thought process than I was. He then explained that he knew her husband had hurt her very badly. It was so bad she could actually have wanted and been justified in getting a divorce. Now she may think I am completely wrong for doing things my husband's way, but now that the bad time is over, her husband has been forgiven, she is a different person. They went through a terrible time. Although she keeps her hair the same way, she has actually given up her job, and is living the country to go with her husband to a new job in Asia. The beautiful thing is that my friend, when she cut my hair, was going through a really bad time with her husband. She was hurting very badly, but now she is leaving her grandchildren, her home for 30 years, and her career! So in the end, her husband was first. As he made her first in his life, she melted back into his arms with complete forgiveness, and they seems happier than ever! Pleasing her husband was moving for his job and giving him the support after he went through whatever she demanded to prove he loved her. Forgiveness in a marriage is essential if the person who has wronged the other, completely gives the other spouse everything they need emotionally to get over the error that the spouse made. So good things can come from a forgiving heart and another equally "making-up" attitude from the spouse who hurt their partner.

Cutting My Hair to Please My Husband Isn't a Big Deal To Me
Cutting My Hair to Please My Husband Isn't a Big Deal To Me

Being the First to Apologize

Having a disagreement isn't fun in any relationship, but if it is your spouse, who is also your best friend, it can take years and tears off of you. I have no problem being the first one to admit that I am sorry for hurting his feelings. I don't have to apologize for my right to explain my feelings, but being angry instead of being conversational and explaining my feelings is a better way than raising my voice and getting things out of control. So I will apologize first every time if it makes the argument become a discussion of feelings, rather than a will of wits to be the winner of a fight. Who cares who wins if both people gain a better understanding of how to communicate their needs, rather than who actually wins a fight?

Try Avoiding Fights in the First Place

Dressing for My Husband

What is wrong with looking good for your husband? I love dressing up where when we are out, he only looks at me. He is proud of his choice. I can see that the only person he is looking at is me, and he smiles more and enjoys my company more. My husband loves bright colors. He enjoys glitter nail polish. He likes a "smokey" eye makeup. He loves bright lipstick. I really dress up for him so that he knows I care that he is the one I am pleasing, and it makes me happy because of all the attention I get for reflecting his tastes. Of course, I would never dress immodestly or be too outrageous in my makeup or fashion, but the fact that I care that he notices, makes me feel more attractive. The bond becomes closer because of my efforts to reflect what made him attracted to me in the first place. Don't they say that is a "win-win" situation?

Look at Him Looking at Her! So Sweet!
Look at Him Looking at Her! So Sweet!

Happiness More Than Power

Oftentimes there is a power struggle between the genders. There need not be in a marriage. You may want to stand up for yourself at work, but having power in the relationship is not why you got married. You got married to be loved and to give love. The most powerful thing you can do in a marriage is forgive. As the old saying goes, "Two Good Forgivers Make a Good Marriage." It is true. The more quickly I forgive, the more likely he will. Once we forgive, we can live in harmony and love. I try never to let an issue, unless it is abusive, go over a day. I always want my kiss at night. I do whatever it takes to make him feel special. Sometimes I am human, too tired, and just plain rude, but then he comes back with the attitude I normally have which is "let us have fun" more than "let me be right."

How to Avoid Fights

Happiness Is a Product of Avoiding Conflicts

You want to get your needs met, but at what expense? Don't use your partner as a punching bag for your life. Ask him if you can vent, but when the venting becomes picking on him, stop. This is lousy behavior and is simply rude. You should use your time wisely as well because too much venting causes him to think you will never be happy. So use a safe girlfriend to vent. Write a journal and then destroy it. Venting overcomes negative feelings, but you never want to use your husband as the only way to express your negative emotions. It doesn't mean you have to be happy all the time, but it does mean you have to work on mastering your own feelings. If necessary, I recommend therapy. Therapy is hard on the pocketbook and hard to do because you have to face your demons, but it is so worth it if you never learned the skills from your core family to overcome negative feelings. I have to constantly monitor myself at work and at home that I am not "Mrs. Grumpy" all day. So take a tip from me...vent on paper, with a girlfriend(s), or mediate. Having self-mastery over your emotions leaves more time for happy times instead of always focusing on the negative.

Would You Like Hugging More Than Not?

Summary

So feminism was a thing in the 1970's that changed what was appropriate for women to be equals with men, but we have gone too far inside the home and what makes a happy marriage. Don't think you are in the ring, the boxing ring, with your spouse. Let him know you are beautiful, want to serve him, want to have more happy times than sad, avoid conflicts, dress for him, as he should be the only one you are trying to keep attracted, and serve him his meals. Make him feel special. If women all over the world truly loved their husbands, treated them as their best friends, and loved them more than ever, there would be a lot less wars, a lot more happiness, and a lot less divorces. So don't let your feminist feelings over come your ability to make your husband as happy as possible. If you work on this, he will see the difference and come around. If not, then go to therapy together and get some good independent person to oversee the conflicts you are having. But my advice is to start this new policy in your behavior at home. Most people who are in love will find this harmony in the home the haven from the world and make this your best effort as this is the most important part of your life. Now the husbands need to help too. So let them read this article, and ask them, "If I do these things for you, will you work on your issues at home as well?" If you sell this concept of being a good wife, then hopefully, your husband will turn around and do the same for you. Just remember Great-Grandma and what she did, and use that as a way to see if you are truly loving your man with all your heart. I did mention the bedroom, but I will here. If you are sweet and loving, avoid conflicts, and stop venting just with him, your sex life will get better because the attraction will grow. Use these tips and look for other ways to improve the quality of your life from all areas! Be happy! Life is too short not to be!

Make Love, Not War!

Can You Make Your Spouse More Happy?

Can you use the tools in this article to change your spouse's happiness?

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What Are Your Intentions, and What Are His?

Many times I feel like I have to defend myself because my husband will say negative things to me that really hurt my feelings. I tend to want to take up for myself and tell him that he should not have said those things. He says he is just joking, but inside his joking is a little truth of how he really feels. I have found that my husband can be controlling, but more important is that he is very protective. I can remember having surgery and walking up the stairs and he said, "Take the hand rail or you may fall down." Immediately, I wanted to say, "I am no dummy and can tell if I need to use the hand rail." But I have learned that inside of controlling, he was really trying to make sure I didn't fall. So I simply said, "Thank you. I will use the hand rail." I could have reallly let loose and told him to quit telling me what to do, but since I know my husband really lets me do what I want, I have found his intentions are truly for concern for my well-being. Maybe if you are having too many disagreements with your husband over simple matters, you need to see where he is coming from. If he is being mean and you truly believe that, than taking up for yourself and setting him straight is a chose, but what if your husband's motivation to his criticism are based upon concern, not controlling you. Only you can see if his intention run more towards helping you than hurting you. Once I knew my husband's words were for my own good, I accept his personality and know that I really am free to do what I want. The intention of a statement is where you need to look, instead of taking it as an offense to you. My final advise is to always look at what is motivating you and see if your intentions are truly to love your spouse, and when you are trying to get back at him for hurting your feelings. No one ever wins if it is a constant battle of winning as your goal. Your goal should be resolving conflict as quickly as possible, and moving forward to having loving, happy times. If he is motivated the same way, to please you, then both of you can have a truly happy marriage. It takes a lot of work to overcome your own baggage and doubts. However, if you throw out the baggage and really try to love a person you committed to, you will be rewarded for your self-mastery and ability to give another person all the love you have.

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