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The Art of Flirting, Coquetry.

Updated on May 14, 2012

Coquette, a woman who teases sexually or gives romantic overtures.

Coquetry, flirtatious behavior and or manner

Flirt, a lighthearted demonstration of verbal and body communication with romantic overtures

Flirtation, the act of flirting, conveying a sexual interest in the opposite sex

Amorous, showing feeling related to sexual desire

Dalliance, a casual romantic relationship

Poetry, metrical writing of verses

1656, first known use of coquetry

What do those previous words have in common? What is the first thing you think about when you see them? Have you ever used them, any of them in a sentence?

The english language is a growing organism yet as new words enter, old ones are thrown aside, but those with extensive literary experience should never allow them to fade into oblivion.

Regardless of the age or century we belong to, many of us are consumed with romance and romantic feelings. These are normally geared towards females, the emotional, sentimental type but men are not that far behind when it comes to what they need to do to get a woman.

Women want to know what men are thinking and men are wondering how they can prove their manhood to a woman. You know that idea that he is always ready to have sex and she is always ready for romance.

We keep telling each other that we think differently although we want the same thing, so our approach is different but our goal is the same because it is the ultimate expression of our feelings of love.

But is that all.

There are many factors that get a woman aroused according to many researchers, whereas with a male it is as few as one, she is female.

Much of the conflicting ideas are making it harder for males and females to know how to behave towards one another especially when it comes to communicating about sex. That is one of the reasons we are so taken with romance.

Yet, the romance has been taken out of our sexual play and therefore it has become a type of mechanical manuever when a girl and boy get together.

Yet women still want , on a primitive level for a man to prove that he can protect and take care of her, no matter how much she knows she can take care of herself. No woman wants to dominate or be dominated for that matter, well that depends on the woman and the man.

Coquetry is the art of flirting, intentional flirting. It is not about sex, at least not immediately. But it is an amorous display usually initiated by the female. It is the art of attracting the opposite sex and maintaining an ongoing cat and mouse kind of relationship that stimulates. In some cases flirting can be referred to as a courting ritual.

It is a mating game in which attraction can lead to gathering information that will give the individual the necessary data to pursue something further than just a good sensation.

Flirting is a lost art of romance.

But it can be learned.

Women on the whole do it quite naturally with a man she finds attractive, and attraction, we have learned is not all about looks, although that has a lot to do with it at first glance. According to scientific research there are facial markers that make a woman take notice of the opposite sex.

It is considered a primitive ideal that encourages attachment to the strongest male with the strongest survival genes. This information is apparently hardwired into the female brain but is the source of her discriminatory way of sensual stimulation.

Signs of attraction.

  • Eyes, -pupil dilation, batting, lowering gaze suggestively - eyes on eyes then lowered to mouth to convey message,
  • Smile- half smiles, full teeth smile, flashes of teeth
  • Laughter - low sultry and seductive, some giggling
  • Touching - fingers, hands, stroking, hugging, holding hands, brushing against one another, intentionally or by mistake
  • Voice modulation - soft, low, sweet & inviting, intimate
  • Body stance - relaxed, open, inviting
  • Proximity - lots of people have invisible boundaries. Invasion of space, it now varies but once a person is comfortable with another that spaticial divide is reduced to 'spatial occupation'.

Going out of one's way to speak with the individual that you are interested in is another way that you will find flirtation happens.

doing something that smacks of kindness, of thoughts of the person and their interests.

sharing something like food, coffee, entertainment, etc

Tips on Flirting

  1. Have fun
  2. Relax
  3. Read body language
  4. Make eye contact, momentarily
  5. Have reciprocal dialog, divulging things about yourself
  6. Focus on person
  7. Break personal space barrier by small touches

Good places to flirt.

Actually flirting can happen anywhere but the places where people can be more relaxed, with the least amount of pressure, you find people more apt to flirt.

  • Parties
  • After hour gatherings
  • Clubs

The truth is this can happen anywhere, it really can happen anytime, regardless of location.

Girls are known for flirting at early ages, usually testing their prowess with the man in her life, typically with her father. These are difficult relationships because this is where young girls are supposed to start identifying with the opposite sex.

Females depending on how attracted they are or not can turn off the flirting charm as easily as she can turn it on, but this is always the first step in her attracting a male. She learns it from observing her mother, with her father or any couple that is a part of her life.

Some women are natural flirts and this can be dangerous, since some men may not understand that it is just fun for her. But if she is not careful she can be labeled as a 'tease', and some people don't have much appreciation for this type of behavior.

Some women are so straight forward that flirting with a man, is hard for her to do, but she is more subtle and hopefully for her sake the guy she likes picks up on her signals.

Flirting is really cultivated among women who have a sense of freedom and like themselves. So women go ahead show off your powerful self and flirt with the guy you are attracted to, guys don't have to have all the fun.

Dangers of flirting

  • know who you are flirting with, pay attention to the vibes you get and listen to caution
  • keep it lighthearted and friendly at first
  • if you feel uncomfortable - stop!
  • be careful about crossing lines too fast

In anything we do, make sure you are in an environment that you feel safe.


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