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The Bad, The Bitchy And The Ugly

Updated on November 9, 2009


Do you have someone in your life that seemingly is intent on starting everything with a negative? Now I’m no sunshiny Pollyanna but I do my best to try and see the sunny side of life whenever possible but for some it seems as though the only way that some people can be happy is to be unhappy (or make someone else unhappy). The bad, the bitchy and the ugly – Don’t Get Me Started!

I once had a friend (an Italian girl from Philly who thought she was a cartoon of a black woman) she used to say, “Child, you know I’m a bitch and I like it!” In reality she didn’t like being a bitch at all it was just her way of keeping everyone at arm’s length so that she wouldn’t be hurt by them. The good thing about her was that she was in fact a bitch on several occasions but at least she had a sense of humor and style about her psychosis. But some of the people I know just make Eeyore look like Deepak Freakin’ Chopra!

An example would be the people who always start with something negative to say. You know how they are they have to get their little digs into you in order to communicate at all it seems. A typical example would be when someone says to you something like, “Not that you would know about being on time but maybe I got here early (eye roll). The good thing was that I got to see Bette Midler stepping out of her limo.” Instead of just starting with the news, they have to admonish you first or try to bring you down. It’s like saying, “I’ve always said the only taste you have is in your mouth but I really do like that sweater.” These would be people that I term as the bad, the bitchy and the ugly. They’re all those things rolled up into one human plus some more.

So I began to wonder what they got out of this behavior and at the same time I started thinking about how to rid my life of these people. Because let’s face it, can people as I’ve described above really be your friend? I know they think they’re your friend but in some weird way they’re only your friend because they feel superior to you or something. At least that’s the way it looks on the outside. But history and therapy have shown that the people who always start with a negative or “cut you down to size” when there was no need for you to be cut at all are really just so unhappy and dislike themselves so much that they have to try and bring the other person down to a level that is below them and seemingly less threatening. That’s a lot of baggage to be carrying around. And I know because I could be a Pullman porter for all the emotional baggage I carry around.

I realize now that I do the same thing in certain situations. If a friend invites me to a dinner party where they’re the only person I know. The person I know becomes my target for bitchy banter. Why? Because they’re the common element at the table that we all know and because yes, I must admit, my own insecurity causes me to try and get a laugh out of the people I don’t know at a friend’s expense so that the people I don’t know at all will think I’m funny and like me. How sick is that? To care more about what the people you don’t know think as opposed to the person you care about? But I guess it’s all part of that whole cycle of insecurity that is about as exciting as riding a stationary bike. You’re working so hard pedaling and yet the scenery stays exactly the same!

So while I began writing about someone else in my life what I discovered (as oft times is the case) that I was writing about myself. Blogger heal thyself! I guess that’s one of the main reasons I write blogs. Sure I want to entertain but I find that as I write I tend to learn more about myself and where I could use some much needed improvement. So today’s lesson is let’s try and be a little nicer to one another, shall we? So that we’re not seen as the bad, the bitchy and the ugly – Don’t Get Me Started!

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    • Clara Ghomes profile image

      Clara Ghomes 8 years ago

      Nice article.. keep up the good work!

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      lifesrich 8 years ago