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The Biggest Secret To Finding Love: Confidence

Updated on August 30, 2012
Love the skin you're in.
Love the skin you're in.
You are the only one you need to make happy. Don't forget it!
You are the only one you need to make happy. Don't forget it!

What's the biggest turn on in dating for both men and women? Confidence!

What is sexy? Many will jump to a Victoria's Secret catalog to find the answer. But the answer doesn't exist in a photo. Sure, those supermodels can fake it, but true sexiness can't be trained, rehearsed or faked.

It's all about confidence.

Next time you hear the question: what is sexy? Answer this: loving who you are, and not caring about what others think of you!

Here's my list of what confidence really means. Take it for a grain of salt, after all, I'm a goddess in the making. Baby steps every day...

Confidence is:

  • Letting go of your past. This means, you enter new relationships by dropping baggage in the air shoot, not even placing it in the overhead compartment. We don't need to be reminded of everything that went wrong in your failed relationships. As long as you learned from it, that's all we need to know. So keep the plane light on your new journey.
  • Living in the present. You've heard the saying "carpe diem," haven't you? It means, "seize the day." Well take it from a smart Latin (or whatever language that is) to know how important it is to live in the moment. That includes: letting go of stupid people wasting your precious time; choosing your partners wisely; and keeping tally of those who don't benefit your life.
  • Making plans for your future. A confident person knows what they want in life, and it usually is formed by events that happened in their life leading up to their present moment. I used to think that getting married, having kids, living in the big house with a white picket fence was imperative to my happiness. Boy was I wrong. Have a plan to develop YOU, know what you want to have in the next five, ten, twenty and beyond years, and hold out for someone who's tune sounds synonymous with yours.

Confidence means you live to enjoy YOUR life, you take pleasure in YOUR passions, and YOUR wants and needs come front and center.

Do yourself a favor: if and when you meet a special someone, don't ignore those wants and needs. They were there before that "special" someone came into your life, so they must mean something.

Love yourself.

That is real confidence. The moment you put you, center stage: that is when you are truly "complete." Wait for it. Work for it. Deserve it. You'll thank yourself later. So will your "special" someone.

What is sexy?

See results


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    • isenhower33 profile image

      Bobby Isenhower 

      6 years ago from Crothersville, IN

      Confidence is a very good key to the dating process :) Guys need to understand just going up to a girl and saying hello my name is robert isenhower is a huge step and girls will take notice as long as you say it in a confident way. No cheesy pickup lines, just confident words. A girl can pick up on cheesy stuff unless she's wasted and she can tell if you are just trying to fool her most of the time. You already won her over by being more confident and speaking to her than most guys, because most guys see a really beautiful girl and they daydream instead of just going and asking for her name. Great hub :)

    • wonderful1 profile imageAUTHOR

      Sheila Varga Szabo 

      6 years ago from Southern California

      Thanks, Mellonyy: that's a funny thought, but I'd say it's more like doing something for your own approval-- or is it that you think everything you touch turns to gold? Have to think about it.

    • Mellonyy profile image


      6 years ago

      Voted up, great hub! Confidence is the belief that you are capable of doing something better than others, isn't it?

    • wonderful1 profile imageAUTHOR

      Sheila Varga Szabo 

      6 years ago from Southern California

      Words of wisdom, Mhatter99.... thanks for sharing.

    • Mhatter99 profile image

      Martin Kloess 

      6 years ago from San Francisco

      I learned the importance of confidence from Gloria, the most popular girl in school. When she was gone, her brother asked why I didn't ask her out. That would never happen again.

    • wonderful1 profile imageAUTHOR

      Sheila Varga Szabo 

      6 years ago from Southern California

      Oh, totally, dashing! Being the "best you possible" is of the utmost desirability. That positive energy is attractive, and when you are inspired to be better because of that, you become hooked.

      Well, I know what I want in a mate now. I guess I'll recognize the quality when I meet him. Meanwhile, I'm happy bettering myself.

      Thanks for stopping by and commenting. I always get excited when I see your Pepe L'Pue (sorry if I spelled it wrong).

    • dashingscorpio profile image


      6 years ago

      Great hub! (voted up and awesome!)

      Loving yourself is what matters most when it comes to attracting people. Everyone enjoys being with a positive person who is comfortable with who they are. It also removes a lot of stress when you keep the focus on being the best you possible and living life on your terms. After all;

      "Life is a personal journey".

    • Lord De Cross profile image

      Joseph De Cross 

      6 years ago from New York

      Our pleasure, Sweet friend! Have a nice weekend!

    • wonderful1 profile imageAUTHOR

      Sheila Varga Szabo 

      6 years ago from Southern California

      Ah, lord-- you keep me young, alive and super sexy. Thanks my friend!

    • Lord De Cross profile image

      Joseph De Cross 

      6 years ago from New York

      You are truly right Sheila! You have saved some time for couples and those hot items out there. You are an example of that. Mature, sexy and confident. Great hub my friend!


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