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The Black Wall

Updated on April 7, 2011

Bob Marley- Waiting In Vain for your love

Me and my beautiful soul mate, Billy. I love him inside and out. William John Fadell , what a gift I have in him. When God made Billy, he really made a quality human being who " beat to a different drum" and was a very special man of his own. Billy is one of those rare young people that have inner knowing and just do not care what others say. This is a rare characteristic in the middle school and high school years. I was intrigued and had to find out more about this amazing person.

Billy and I share so much in common. We met as young middle schoolers. We went through confirmation classes at church, eyeing each other. We said, stupid things that would embarrass us later. I saw him with braces, he saw me with green,yellow, orange, black and blue hair. Yes, we saw each other for the young, frightened, insecure, idealist kids we were .By the way, my hair was discolored because of a henna hair package gone wrong. We also saw each other for who we really were. We could see deep inside the other's soul. We both had very similar values and felt like kindred spirits.

Forward in time a couple of years, and there we were again. This time, we were in high school. I was a silly young gal who had many a boyfriend, which meant, we said we liked each other and basically hung out at movies, malt shops and malls and talked. I think I must have matured late, because I could not for the life of me think of myself as having a boyfriend. Ok, that did not last long. I met William John Fadell. Little did I know then, what I know now. The love of my life that taught me so much. Billy was like no one I had ever met.

I knew that Billy and I really talked a lot in Distributive Education Class. It was amazing, he and I could not wait to see each other in class. We became very close friends, the kind of friends that had to share anything and everything. I could not wait to see him in class and hear all his stories and he could not wait to hear mine. Here is the funny thing that I never thought about back then, I was very much an extrovert and he was very much an introvert. What a pair we were.

I look back and giggle at how my relationship with Billy blossomed and unfolded as a love interest. I mean, even as young tenth graders, we knew we were friends, very good friends that really admired the other, but never had yet said the word, girl or boyfriend. I was now, over at the Fadell household very often. I was so in love with the entire family. His beautiful mom Jan, who became my mom, since I had lost mine at nine years old and she treated me like her own child. I so adored her and loved the relationship we had. Billy's sister Michelle who I so loved as she was the little sister I had always wanted. I so admired Billy's dad, a toy business man that had achieved very young, great success. I also loved the brothers, Pat and Mike. Yes, we all became very much like family. One day, Billy and I were hanging out at his house and he just up and introduced me to family friends as his girl friend. I loved hearing him say that. I heard his mom giggle very softly, as she was as surprised as I.

That is all she wrote, from then on, we were together for years on and off as college gave way to some gaps in our love story. Billy and I would go out on such special dates when I was home from college. He left for a while to Hawaii to find another part of him. It was all good.

Billy was such a romantic, I loved him so. I remember one time when I came home from college for good, and he was now done with the Hawaii escapade, he brought me into the living room of his Buddy's house. The song that played was Bob Marley, " I don't want to wait in vain for your love". He said, Laura, I dedicate this song to you. I love this song so much and to this day. Please listen to the words of this song and know, love does exist.

I woke up confused, I could not see clearly. My sister was next to my side. I asked her where we were. She could not give me a good answer. I recall seeing a black wall that was too hard to see through. I heard Billy's voice speak. I cried out, " Billy, where are you? All of a sudden, the black wall gave way to a transparent wall, one in which I could see through. I said, Billy, I am so confused, I love you, and I know that, but I do not know why I am here or why you are there on the other side of the wall. Why can't I touch you?

Billy, in his fashion, answered me in a calm, most loving way, and his hands, those beautiful hands of his. Soft, loving, gentle, I could almost feel the texture of his hands right then and there as he put his hand out to me. My hand went out to his over this wall, and our hands touched, but I could not feel it. Billy, I can't feel your hand, why can't you come over to this side of the wall. I want to feel you, I am scared, what is going on?

Laura, It's OK. I am OK. I know you have worried about me. I am doing well. I am at peace. I know how upset and despondent you have been. Laura, I will always always, be there for you. I love you Laura, and I have been watching over you. Each time your sad and having a tough time, I have you hear" our song" play on the radio from Marley or I whisper in your ear, or I tell God to let me kiss your cheek. Have you felt that Laura? I put my hand to my face because I felt it, I felt the soft, powerful kiss that I had been given at just that moment.

All of a sudden, Billy and I were at a beach. The sand was a beautiful, bleach white, and we were walking at dusk. This was it, it was Hawaii, the island where Billy lived for a while. Billy giggled and said " Laura, I am here and always will be, it will just be different. You will be joining me in the millennium. We were holding hands, walking the beach and talking deeply, kissing like we used to. Billy, I feel so at home here. No Laura, It's not your time, but know you will be with me again in the millennium.

I woke up in my bedroom, and gasped as I realized I was in my own bed. I saw my white washed alarm clock and my dresser it sat on. I tried to catch my breath and the depth of the dark, sad, reality facing me once again. The day was dark and dreary, and my curtains were flailing as the wind howled. I woke to the same gut wrenching pain in my heart. God, why, why did Billy die so young?

© Laura Rogers Arne


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    • laadhy profile image


      6 years ago from Maldives- The Paradise on Earth

      Nice hub Healing Touch.

    • Steph Harris profile image

      Steph Harris 

      7 years ago from Cambridgeshire, United Kingdom

      Such a beautiful, sad hub. While reading it I had tears pouring down my face. You are so lucky to have known Billy in this life, and the fact that you feel that you can still communicate with him is amazing. Thank you so much for sharing this awesome episode of your life.

    • Healing Touch profile imageAUTHOR

      Laura Arne 

      7 years ago from Minnetonka, MN

      Spirit Whisperer

      Thanks so much for coming to my hub. I am glad you enjoyed it.

    • Healing Touch profile imageAUTHOR

      Laura Arne 

      7 years ago from Minnetonka, MN

      Big Brother,

      How sweet to say that he would be proud of me. That means a lot to me. Peace to you

    • profile image

      Healing touch 

      7 years ago

      Living N grace

      Thanks so much for coming by. Your right, we will always be and we will all be together in the after life. Wee hee

    • Spirit Whisperer profile image

      Xavier Nathan 

      7 years ago from Isle of Man

      Very moving hub. It touched me.Thank you.

    • Big Brother profile image

      Alex Valis 

      7 years ago from Earth

      Billy must be proud for you... Excellent Hub. Glad to meeting you throught Hubpages. Alexander the Macedon / Greece. All Voting up!!

    • Living-n-Grace profile image


      7 years ago from Virginia, USA

      thanks for this sharing ... sad as it is, it is also beautiful in its own way. we have a common bond, i suppose, for i too have lost the love of my life ... altho he was not so young in years when he passed. and i have had similar dreams. i wake from those dreams both elated and sad ... joy to have been with him once again, sad that it was but a dream.

      i do know that we will always be. and that is what sustains me.

      thank you again for sharing.

      blessings always


    • Healing Touch profile imageAUTHOR

      Laura Arne 

      7 years ago from Minnetonka, MN

      Antoine Van Hove

      I absolutely love what you wrote. I believe as you do, that I have seen the veil and know that Bill and I will continue our relationship on all planes. Your right love is the only power. I also love the heal, holy whole,.... Thanks for stopping by

    • Healing Touch profile imageAUTHOR

      Laura Arne 

      7 years ago from Minnetonka, MN


      Thanks so much for reading my hub. Billy is still watchin over me and I love it

    • profile image

      Antoine Van Hove 

      7 years ago

      Love transcends all worlds and universes!

      Most people have a hard time believing this, since they only focus on the so called "normal" reality.

      To me it is so funny, that we've gotten so used to what we call "normal" reality, that we just forget to stand in awe of the wonder of that same reality, as we experience it all the time!

      Beautiful written.

      Hang on to the positive feelings you had together.

      Enjoy other "lucid" dreams that with no doubt will follow at their fullest.

      You see: All other people are living facets of ourselves, and we meet those who help us in our evolution to become "whole".

      "Whole", "heal" and "holy" are all related to one another.

      Although I understand your emotions involved of course, to me, (and forgive me, I don't want to sound rude), this is not really a sad story;

      It rather is a testimony of the strenght of love, conscious and the human mind. And how these have unlimited abilities.

      So, be gentle to yourself. Caring. And give yourself all time and space to "whole" yourself.

      Go as much as possible inside, close to your heart, while thinking of all the love you experienced with him.

      It is still there! It never left!

      The love is real; the pain is not!

      You will see that the pain will at some point be transcended into love and a higher awareness, (all pain is in the end misunderstood love), because it always was that love, and it will become a source of power for the rest of your life.

      What doesn't kill you, only makes you stronger. And this is most of all true in relation to all love filled situations.

      I know it is almost impossible to see or feel now, because there is so much pain involved. But all experiences in life are there to help us develop, and heal ourselves. One day the bigger picture of all this will be revealed to you.

      I hope you don't mind my unusual reaction. If you want to put this on ignore because too personal, I don't mind.

      This is indeed sent with love and an attempt to help you somewhat with this. Because in healing others, we always heal a part of ourselves. Simply because we all are one.

      I wish you all the best on your journey in this. But I can't help that inside it, something wonderful is hidden for you.

      Maybe this experience will help you to appreciate the wonderful gift of life more than ever, and will it offer you the possibility of awareness to live life always in the here and now, at its fullest? And to share and spread love all around you?

      I sincerely hope so!

      And while healing yourself, you will be able to heal so many others. And thus spread, with Billy always on your side, love all around you!


      Aren't we all, blessed all the time?

      We simply are not aware of it most of the time!

      Love indeed is the only force in the whole universe!

    • jantamaya profile image

      Maria Janta-Cooper 

      7 years ago from UK

      I'm shocked and deeply sad. It almost hurts. Great written. Thank you.

    • profile image

      Healing touch 

      7 years ago

      Thanks Nikitha. I appreciate your comments.

    • nikitha p profile image

      nikitha p 

      7 years ago from India

      Good hub very well presented. Thanks for sharing this.

    • Healing Touch profile imageAUTHOR

      Laura Arne 

      7 years ago from Minnetonka, MN

      stars439 Thank you dear for understanding I will see him again. Bless you right back.

    • stars439 profile image


      7 years ago from Louisiana, The Magnolia and Pelican State.

      How wonderful you were with him, and how blessed his life was with you. Someday you will be together again. God Bless You.

    • Healing Touch profile imageAUTHOR

      Laura Arne 

      7 years ago from Minnetonka, MN


      I am touched by your comments. Thanks for coming by.

    • Healing Touch profile imageAUTHOR

      Laura Arne 

      7 years ago from Minnetonka, MN

      Dear MC,

      Thanks for stopping by my hub. Life is confusing huh? He was such a good man.

    • saddlerider1 profile image


      7 years ago

      Beautiful heart wrenching story and loss. You both were soul mates for sure and were meant to be together, sorry for the tragedy and he was taken away so young. You have pleasant memories to keep close to your heart. Thank you for sharing this very personal love. The video is an all time best and I can see why you both loved it...hugs

    • MartieCoetser profile image

      Martie Coetser 

      7 years ago from South Africa

      Oh, this is too sad! You would've been the perfect couple. Sometimes there is really no answers for our quistion: Why did he/she die so young? I'm sending you lots of hugs -

    • Healing Touch profile imageAUTHOR

      Laura Arne 

      7 years ago from Minnetonka, MN


      Thanks for stopping by my friend. Have a great day too.

    • prasetio30 profile image


      7 years ago from malang-indonesia

      Beautiful, my friend. I really enjoy your story. Love is always nice to remember. Have a good day. Cheers.....


    • Healing Touch profile imageAUTHOR

      Laura Arne 

      7 years ago from Minnetonka, MN

      vietnam vet68,

      First of all, thanks so much for serving our country. I so appreciate your service. Secondly, thanks so much for commenting on my hub. Bless you right back.

    • Healing Touch profile imageAUTHOR

      Laura Arne 

      7 years ago from Minnetonka, MN

      Micky Dee my good buddy,

      Thanks for coming by and warming up my hub. I love marley too. Bless You.

    • vietnamvet68 profile image


      7 years ago from New York State

      simply a beautiful heartfelt story, and Bob's song says it all. God Bless my dear.

    • Micky Dee profile image

      Micky Dee 

      7 years ago

      Very beautiful and heart tugging. Bob Marley says it so well. As always, everybody could use a Healing Touch. God bless you Dear!

    • Healing Touch profile imageAUTHOR

      Laura Arne 

      7 years ago from Minnetonka, MN


      Thanks so much. Billy dedicated that beautiful song to me. He had such good taste.

    • Tamarajo profile image


      7 years ago

      Beautiful bitter sweet story. Beautiful song to go with it.

    • Healing Touch profile imageAUTHOR

      Laura Arne 

      7 years ago from Minnetonka, MN


      I am so grateful that you know how important I had him even for a short time. I know after reading your last painful, loving hub, you really get it. Bless you

    • LaurieDawn profile image


      7 years ago

      Healing Touch,

      What a sad story, but beautiful at the same time. That you had him even if for a short time in your life. And the way you told it, it was as if I could picture every word. Thank you for sharing that with us.



    • Healing Touch profile imageAUTHOR

      Laura Arne 

      7 years ago from Minnetonka, MN


      I really appreciate your coming by.

    • Healing Touch profile imageAUTHOR

      Laura Arne 

      7 years ago from Minnetonka, MN

      Europe walker,

      So glad you stopped by. Thanks for the feedback.

    • libby101a profile image


      7 years ago from KY

      Oh my. I am so sorry. I can't imagine going through that. God bless you.

    • Healing Touch profile imageAUTHOR

      Laura Arne 

      7 years ago from Minnetonka, MN


      Thanks so much for stopping. I appreciate it.

    • Healing Touch profile imageAUTHOR

      Laura Arne 

      7 years ago from Minnetonka, MN

      Carolina muscle,

      Thanks for coming by. It is a classic Marley tune. I always feel so supported when you drop in. thanks

    • Ruzica profile image

      Ruzica Kozul 

      7 years ago from Windsor, On, Canada

      Well done!

      Touching :(

      Thank you for sharing.

    • RunAbstract profile image


      7 years ago from USA

      What a heart felt and touching piece. Thank you for sharing this important part of your world.

    • europewalker profile image


      7 years ago

      Very well written and touching. Thanks for sharing.

    • Philipo profile image


      7 years ago from Nigeria

      Very touchy. Sorry about it.

    • carolina muscle profile image

      carolina muscle 

      7 years ago from Charlotte, North Carolina

      I'm so sorry for your loss.

      I love that Marley song.. its one of my all time favs.

      Beautiful post!!!

    • Healing Touch profile imageAUTHOR

      Laura Arne 

      7 years ago from Minnetonka, MN


      Thanks for the comments. I do feel real thankful for him.

    • ghomefitness profile image


      7 years ago from Chicago,IL

      Sorry for your loss! You have souch a wonderful writing style. I felt the emotion all the way through and eaven with very sad results there is a tone of thankfulness for the time together.

    • Healing Touch profile imageAUTHOR

      Laura Arne 

      7 years ago from Minnetonka, MN


      Unfortunately this was real. He died in 1991 at the us open golf us open. You can read my hub on the story called " the worn out shoes." Thanks for the comments. The real story really was an emotional roller coaster.

    • Healing Touch profile imageAUTHOR

      Laura Arne 

      7 years ago from Minnetonka, MN

      MT, Thanks for the comment. I miss him.

    • libby101a profile image


      7 years ago from KY

      Oh wow! This story has every emotion known to man. I loved the entire story and I am so sorry you lost him. I can feel your pain. When did this happen? Or is it fiction? I never really considered that...if it's fiction then wow you did an amazing job making it sound so real!

      Awesome job! Voting up!!

    • Minnetonka Twin profile image

      Linda Rogers 

      7 years ago from Minnesota

      Woe, I am soo touched by this. I miss him so much Laura and he was so special. I remember you having this dream. Happy Thanksgiving Billy.


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