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Healing after Betrayal
Fallen Red Leaf
You are hurting. There just seems to not be away out of this pain. The love of your life, has broken up with you. Times seems to be on hold, and all you feel is horrific pain.
Does this describe you? It is hard to deal with any time of ending. A breakup is felt like someone slapped our very soul. We are left with anger for them, and for ourselves. Walking in the labyrinth of betrayal is very uncomfortable. There is nothing pleasant about this.
Sometimes there we be an uncanny sign that might catch our attention, which was what happen to me. I saw a leaf changing colors. This might not seem strange to you, but for me it did surprise me. I just recently moved to northern Florida, and falsely believed that the trees here did not change in the fall. As I stared at the beauty of the leaf turning red, it caused me to pause for a moment and reflect on own life. How was it changing, and what concepts did I falsely cling onto? As the leaves on this tree fell off, what in my life did I need to let go?
Betrayal was the one area that I really had to let go of, before it finished choking the life out of me.
Song, I am a Rock
We are often betrayed in our life. It can be from a love one, family member, friend or work place. There is not a single soul who has not endeared betrayal. It destroys us, and if we let it continue, it will eat us alive. With betrayal comes the loss of trust and faith. It is difficult to trust anyone, when we been deceived. How do we gather the courage to move on? How do we open ourselves to love again? Is it possible?
These past few years, I have made my quota of being betrayed to last several life times. It took me awhile, to totally go over the cliff of total despair. Trust and faith were totally erased in me. I totally believed that I would never trust or have faith in any one for my remaining years. I was done, finished, and encircled in a wall, which no one could break down. I was also very miserable.
When you close out the world, you also close out your own joy and happiness. Paul Simon’s song I am a Rock, once again became my theme song. It seem I had gone full circle once again, and once again I totally shut down.
Are you experiencing any of these symptoms? Are you becoming aware that your wall is destroying you? Do you have times when you want to escape your own wall, but fear prevents you from smashing it down? If you are in the mind-space now, perhaps I can help you to break down your wall. That wall will snuff out your essence, and make you ill. If you knock it down you will discover rainbows after a nasty storm.
Healing the Wounds
Healing the Wounds
As long as we stay in our cell of betrayal, we cannot ever enjoy life. On some level, I believe we all understand that, but we have excoriating fear. How can we knock down our wall, and let another in? How do we trust again, after we have given everything away in the past? It is hard. Trust me, I know how hard it is. I also know the after affects that happen to me, because I did not want to open my heart for another minute. My body shut down. I could barely walk, without use of a walker and cane. I had no appetite, so my body was not getting the nutrients is so needed. Isolation was my friend, in a cruel way. It kept me insulated from the outside, while my mind constantly beat the drum of self-criticism. Are you familiar with your self-talk? Do these sentences seem too familiar to you?
- I am not good enough.
- I am not loveable.
- I always pick the guy who will crush me.
- I am not pretty, skinny or smart enough
Those sentences, and others will chip away at any self-worth you have left. If you still have a bit of self-worth, it will eventually fade away. Healing has to start within you, for the pain you walk in is destroying you.
Self-worth is the first venue we work on, as we begin healing our wounds. We have to learn to trust and have faith in ourselves. If you do not, that wall stays forever, and devours every bit of you. With self-worth, there is no need for the wall. .self –worth and wall cannot coincide. How to increase your self-worth? There are countless amount of books, audios and videos that can help you. We all resonate with different authors, but thank goodness there are a vast amount of them. Start first by listening to a few different authors, to find who you resonate with, and begin to build your library. As you build your self-worth, your self-esteem rises. They go hand and hand. Give yourself time to build both, for at this moment-time is your friend.
You will come to a point, where your life will be happier. As this happens, you will notice that you have been taking brick by brick that wall down. Life will change for you, and for the positive. Your heart will be open again, and your spirit free.
Suggestion of a few Authors
These authors helped me a lot on my journey.
Rising beyond Betrayal
As your self-worth and self-esteem improve, you will be reaping the fruition of demolishing your wall. New life is starting to grow for you. The future is not known, and you are experiencing a mixture of excitement and apprehension. This is very normal. If you will take a moment and review your past, you will remember you have gone through this type of period before, and made it through. Do not let this thwart your efforts of creating a new life for you. It is in this period, when everything is unfamiliar, that we often try to dash backwards and gather up our memories that we just let go of, and become captured once again in living in the deadwood. This is one of the hardest period, because standing in an emptiness is uncomfortable. It though is necessary. You are now standing on the platform, where you will be co-creating your life. You will need to figure out exactly what it is that you seek in your life. You will want to take this opportunity to see which areas in your life could use improvement. This takes time, and you have to prioritize them. We cannot accomplish everything overnight, and some areas will be easier to achieve then others. At this period of postpartum, you will wish to have accomplish a few successes. The reason for this is our achievements are what help push us forward. We must fend for ourselves, when we are standing in the land of opportunities. Do not let that statement send shivers up your spine, for it is not as bleak as it sounds. It simply means acquiring the skills needed to reach our authentic selves. We are looking for those activities, events and people that we can share happiness with, and physical, emotional and mental integrity. We are searching to share, versus to be fed by others. First though we need to assess what we have to share. We might discover that we have plenty in one area, but be depleted in another. This is good, for if the area that is depleted is of interest, we can seek out information to help us grow.
This is the period now that you will need to nourish yourself. Letting go is a major event. We often might feel empty, so we take care of our needs, sleep, food, housing, and finding the means to supply this. We extend this with our family and friends, and seeking areas to share that offer happy moments. We need to feed ourselves with people and activities that support our joy. This is an individual preference. I am more of a loner, so having people around me all the time, will not usher joy to me. Writing, reading, music and dancing are activities that make me happy. It is perfectly fine to seek out what makes you happy at this time. It is in this period that it is actually crucial.
I have walked you through these cycles, and so will you. You are now acquiring daily strength. It is something that you have agreed to do for yourself, because the choice of holding on to what hurts you is not a choice you wish to take. You will take those small steps, and cherish each of them. As you take your first step, and the next and so on, you do so with a loving and nourishing spirit. You are now letting go and healing, and eventually you will be enjoying the new chapters of your life. You will be enjoying not waking up each day stuck in the grief of your past.
Your life will become full of areas that you can grow. We can always find room to improve in the arena of love, family, career, family, spiritual or self-worth, but first we need to let go firmly and say goodbye. We do this with honoring both the memory and lesson. If we do not, we often find ourselves staring into vacant territory of emptiness. Then you start the process of clearing away those dead leaves from your personal tree of life, which resides within you. When you let your tears fall, you aid the cleansing of the pain, which was attached to the fear of letting go. This also is a plus for your tears will saturate the barren ground, so you can grow new life.
Give tribute to your memories, for it is within them that you to accumulate awareness of who you are now, and help prepare the ground to becoming even more. When we let go, we often believe our life will stop. We cannot foresee any possible pleasant future. We are stuck in the grief of lost. The good news is that your life did not stop. You are now just in the beginning a starting a new chapter of your life. When you let go, the Universe will offer you an exciting and brilliant beginning. You will be given a new chapter, in your book of life. You do not see this yet, but trust me, you will be living each page, of your new chapter. Letting go only can nourish your inner personal tree to grow more beautiful leaves as you move through each new chapter of your life. Eventually you will make it to the next part of the cycle of letting go. This is called a time of celebration. The grieving time has ended. You now have become a sprout growing upwards towards the sun daily.