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I'm a Lesbian, Not a Freak!

Updated on June 18, 2013

Volume V

We have ingested the remains of a disrespectful and degrading phrase- 'bitch'- and just as with 'nigga', allowed ourselves to foolishly believe that it is a term of endearment. And just as some black people find it acceptable to be called the n-word by other blacks but want to call foul of a white person using the word, so goes the hypocrisy of the b-word. A friend can say it and a rapper can call you a bad b-word, but when your man or woman has had enough and says it, those are fighting words. Sweetheart, you didn't turn water into wine when you were called a b-word and you said, 'Well if I am, I am a good one." Actually, you just played yourself. Of all races of women that I have had the pleasure of encountering personally and studying, I have yet to meet a group, other than black women, who so blatantly disrespect themselves. I have yet to meet a race of men who so blatantly disrespect their women as black men do us. As a black lesbian, I feel the disrespect intensifies. I feel most disrespected by these stereotypical perceptions that I am black and a lesbian so I must also be the keeper of the holy grail of all things gay, I want to be your chauffeur into your lesbian walk, and I am a freak who is willing to help you fulfill your man's fantasy.

Just as being black alone does not give you a unique insight into all things black, so does being a lesbian not give you an exclusive view into the LGBT community. I don't watch every show with a gay character. I don't know when gay pride is in every state. I don't know why gay boys do what they do or how they do what they do. I don't know why some lesbians are masculine and some are feminine. And even though the gay community is small in most cities, I don't know your cousin's friend's sister that is gay. You see, these are the foolish assumptions that people make of lesbians, but if we made these foolish presumptions based on race we would perceived as racist.

Since coming out to my family and friends about 12 years ago, I have been approached by far too many of my 'straight' friends. Some attempt to discreetly create a story that will ultimately lead to the conversation about what it is like to have sex with another woman. Others are not so discreet. They attempt to kiss you and tell you how much they have been wanting to- well you know. The others are a little of both. They sit you down with the full intent of telling you how long they have been longing to be with another woman. They want to look you in the eyes and tell you that they mean no disrespect but of the 1500+ lesbians in the area, you are the only one they felt comfortable and secure enough to explore their curiosity. In either scenario, they have no problem of crossing the friend line with you, but would scream bloody murder had you approached them.

The worst of the generalizations of black lesbians is that we are so sexually free that we will have sex with you and your man. I am not the go to person when your man decides he wants a threesome.

I am a lesbian and a bit freaky. There are definitely some things that I do that I wouldn't tell a sole about. But I do not have all the gay answers, no I do not want to sleep with you because A. we are friends and B. I don't find you attractive, and no I will not have a threesome with you because A. I don't find you attractive and B. I am a lesbian not a freak.

(Please comment at the bottom of this page!)

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    • AMarie Jackson profile imageAUTHOR

      AMarie Jackson 

      3 years ago from Summerville, South Carolina

      Yes, it has been a while, but the sentiments are the same. I hope you enjoy several more of my blogs. I may just find my way back to writing them.

    • kndashy41 profile image

      Dana Ayres 

      3 years ago from Houston, TX

      I know it's been awhile since you first wrote this piece. I like your voice because in many ways, it's similar to mine. I can't understand, for the life of me, why the term lesbian HAS to equal SEX to some people. I see myself in an intellectual/cerebral sense. Sometimes, I'm so far away in my thoughts and my "calling" that I forget that sometimes women DO hit on me. I have to admit, in my old age, I barely notice! ( lol) Anyhoo...I enjoyed your article. Kudos and many blessings!

    • AMarie Jackson profile imageAUTHOR

      AMarie Jackson 

      5 years ago from Summerville, South Carolina

      I actually don't bother to tell most people. I don't tell my co-workers or strangers I meet. I only tell my personal friends and family. I have found that it is very difficult to develop relationships with strangers because of this fact. Since I don't tell people I meet immediately that I am a lesbian, we often have several conversations before I feel comfortable enough to tell them the truth. By then, though, we have had several conversations about family in which I have essentially lied. I don't say I am married to a man, but I don't correct them either. Starting friendships like this is a recipe for disaster.

    • profile image

      Nevarmore 

      5 years ago

      I can understand your annoyance to all of the questions. I really don't think it's anyone's business who I choose to have sex with unless I want to have sex with that person. Which leads me to my question. Why tell people what your sexuality is? Do you want to have sex with them? No plight to the fight of civil rights and all. I fight for the right to B. But if you tell everyone, Hey I'm a woman and I like to have sex with other women, doesn't that leave you open ,kind of? Not that that obligates you to be the goto for self-questioning future lesbians? Maybe there should be sexual teachers, people that are willing to share they're experience? Is that what porn is? Yet I seriously doubt that human beings understand this sacred sexual energy enough. If I don't tell anyone that I am a lesbian then they assume I'm heterosexual. Well hell people assume I am black or African American because of the melanin in my skin. It isn't until they engage with me that I correct them, and I don't correct them unless I have a bond that I feel necessary to. I am listening with courage and an open heart and learning as I go. This is a learning process that doesn't stop just because I get old. I am that I am.

    • profile image

      Nevarmore 

      5 years ago

      (I am a freak, not a lesbian) is what I typed in the search bar and ran across these writings. Though I abhor the act of anyone calling me bitch for the most part; there is one place where this taboo act is accepted with a delightful urge to hear it. That is in the bed during aggressive sex. Could it be because I'm in the middle of a primetive act of something so ancient as sex? I find that most of the power of a word lyes with the intent behind the use of it. Growing up in my day, to call a woman a bitch meant you wanted to fight. This still holds true with me today; however, I question everything. I choose to look with open eyes at the illusions we live in. I don't want to give anyone power to control me, especially with one word. What if the use of the words "bitch" and "nigga" is an attempt to take back the power that was given up when people allowed themselves to be high-jacked by them when someone called them that. If this is so it would probably take more time that has passed and 100 times more power with the positive use to cancel the negative use from the past. Wouldn't you think? No one has the power to name(limit) me unless I give them that power.

    • crissytsu profile image

      crissytsu 

      6 years ago from Texas

      Good for you! :)

    • AMarie Jackson profile imageAUTHOR

      AMarie Jackson 

      6 years ago from Summerville, South Carolina

      I have kept it a secret in all of my previous teaching jobs, so I vowed to live openly and honestly, even on the job. I wont share it with my students but my coworkers will know if they mention my 'husband'.

    • crissytsu profile image

      crissytsu 

      6 years ago from Texas

      I dated a teacher/coach once who was in the closet, and I had to make a lot of sacrifices because she was so scared that someone would find out she was gay and be fired. It was like going back into the closet for me...Not to mention she had this "double life" of pretending she was straight at school which opened a new can of worms. We dated before she got the teaching job though and it was like she completely changed who she was. I mean I understand that her career was important and I don't blame her...I blame the school and society for being so ignorant.

    • AMarie Jackson profile imageAUTHOR

      AMarie Jackson 

      6 years ago from Summerville, South Carolina

      I am a teacher as well, and I keep my sexuality a secret.

    • profile image

      sarah 

      6 years ago

      You are so right. I am a teacher and the one thing that scares me the most about being fired is that it would be for a reason concerning my sexuality. I ama professional, I would not dare touch one of those children so why do I feel I have to be a secret? I just don't want some child/parent to accuse me of something I would never do.

    • AMarie Jackson profile imageAUTHOR

      AMarie Jackson 

      6 years ago from Summerville, South Carolina

      Its like assuming that all gay men are pedophiles. Silly!

    • profile image

      guest 

      6 years ago

      I am so glad to hear someone say this out loud. Why am I the pervert just because I'm a girl who loves girls.

    • AMarie Jackson profile imageAUTHOR

      AMarie Jackson 

      6 years ago from Summerville, South Carolina

      Thanks P2. I am so happy that some one understands my frustration.

    • profile image

      P2 

      6 years ago

      I loved it. I have been in that situation more times than I wish to admit. Who the hell do they think I am? When I walked in this club did I have I am a freak written on my forehead? I am a lesbian, not a freak!

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