I'm a Lesbian, Not a Freak!
We have ingested the remains of a disrespectful and degrading phrase- 'bitch'- and just as with 'nigga', allowed ourselves to foolishly believe that it is a term of endearment. And just as some black people find it acceptable to be called the n-word by other blacks but want to call foul of a white person using the word, so goes the hypocrisy of the b-word. A friend can say it and a rapper can call you a bad b-word, but when your man or woman has had enough and says it, those are fighting words. Sweetheart, you didn't turn water into wine when you were called a b-word and you said, 'Well if I am, I am a good one." Actually, you just played yourself. Of all races of women that I have had the pleasure of encountering personally and studying, I have yet to meet a group, other than black women, who so blatantly disrespect themselves. I have yet to meet a race of men who so blatantly disrespect their women as black men do us. As a black lesbian, I feel the disrespect intensifies. I feel most disrespected by these stereotypical perceptions that I am black and a lesbian so I must also be the keeper of the holy grail of all things gay, I want to be your chauffeur into your lesbian walk, and I am a freak who is willing to help you fulfill your man's fantasy.
Just as being black alone does not give you a unique insight into all things black, so does being a lesbian not give you an exclusive view into the LGBT community. I don't watch every show with a gay character. I don't know when gay pride is in every state. I don't know why gay boys do what they do or how they do what they do. I don't know why some lesbians are masculine and some are feminine. And even though the gay community is small in most cities, I don't know your cousin's friend's sister that is gay. You see, these are the foolish assumptions that people make of lesbians, but if we made these foolish presumptions based on race we would perceived as racist.
Since coming out to my family and friends about 12 years ago, I have been approached by far too many of my 'straight' friends. Some attempt to discreetly create a story that will ultimately lead to the conversation about what it is like to have sex with another woman. Others are not so discreet. They attempt to kiss you and tell you how much they have been wanting to- well you know. The others are a little of both. They sit you down with the full intent of telling you how long they have been longing to be with another woman. They want to look you in the eyes and tell you that they mean no disrespect but of the 1500+ lesbians in the area, you are the only one they felt comfortable and secure enough to explore their curiosity. In either scenario, they have no problem of crossing the friend line with you, but would scream bloody murder had you approached them.
The worst of the generalizations of black lesbians is that we are so sexually free that we will have sex with you and your man. I am not the go to person when your man decides he wants a threesome.
I am a lesbian and a bit freaky. There are definitely some things that I do that I wouldn't tell a sole about. But I do not have all the gay answers, no I do not want to sleep with you because A. we are friends and B. I don't find you attractive, and no I will not have a threesome with you because A. I don't find you attractive and B. I am a lesbian not a freak.
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