- Gender and Relationships
Goodbyes and Hellos
Letting go and saying hello
I’ve had to let people go this year who because of circumstances, it was the best thing to do at the time. But I’ve also gotten reconnected with others as well. So, this last year was full of highs and lows. Letting go of people was the most difficult, but reconnecting was the highlights that outshine the difficulties. The love I know I have opened my heart to whether romantic or platonic has made not only me, but my whole life much better on many levels.
Alcoholism is not an excuse to allow abusive behavior.
I had to tell one person good bye because their addiction became too much. I knew that the addiction they had to alcohol would bring out the cruelest side they had, but the last year and a half, the cruelty was aimed in my direction. Because I have learned to love myself as I am in each stage that I’m going through, I had to tell them that the way they were treating me when they were drunk was not acceptable. I was then told I was not a good friend or person because I was not accepting them as they were, and that I was abandoning them. I said I was sorry they felt that way, but their words and the way they spoke to me was not friendly any longer. I deleted their number from my phone and they deleted me with a few parting colorful names from their social media and from anywhere else we were friends on.
I would like to say I’m sad that this happened, but because of my learning to be true to myself, I couldn’t allow myself to be treated poorly, when my own actions didn’t warrant it. Sometimes all it took was my saying “Hello, how are you doing today?” I know it was the alcohol talking, but it was something that I had dealt with while growing up with an alcoholic mother, and it’s not something I was going to accept from anyone else. There are some who say I should be more understanding and therefore accept how I was treated since it was their alcoholism and not how they really are. That way of thinking comes from those who have never had to deal with addiction daily. I do not accept the “it was the alcohol talking” excuse for bad behavior.
There is never an excuse for bad behavior. Whether you have an addiction or not, everyone must be held accountable for their own actions. The school of thought that an addiction or even if you don’t have an addiction, but are just drunk or high excuses unacceptable behavior is why there are more and more rapes and people feeling like they don’t have to answer for being rude or abusive.
Involutary goodbyes are the most difficult.
The other one I had to say goodbye to was because I made the choice to be a true friend and advise of how the significant other was running down their children. Because of this the significant other has made it clear that I am persona non-grata. And because they don’t want to create issues with their significant other, they go with whatever the significant other says.
I’ve talked with the sibling of my friend and we are both sad for what is happening because they are choosing the significant other over their children because they are afraid. It is so hard to watch my friend go through what I went through and what they have gone through before which is domestic violence without the physical abuse.
This type of goodbye is the most difficult because it is not voluntary, and is not what is truly wanted. The most I could do is let my friend know that if they need me all they have to do is call, text or message me somehow and I would be there, and I left it at that. Not much more that I or anyone could do.
Reconnecting with an old friend is the best hello.
However, I did get to be reacquainted with someone who I had thought was lost to me because of their significant other and the other things they had going on in their life at the time. Sometimes social media is a wonderful tool for reconnecting with people. This person popped up as someone I may know, I messaged this person, and they were so happy that I had found them again, and we talked for hours catching up on the five or six years we were apart. This person meant a lot to me at one point, so being able to talk and get reacquainted with one another again still is one of the highlights of the last year for me.
After the initial talking for several hours, we now will talk occasionally, not like it was before where we would practically have our heads banging on keyboards from talking all night, but we each have other things going on in our lives, so that picking up exactly where we left off is not feasible at this point in our lives. But knowing that we have the friendship that was started many, many years ago is enough for both.
Reconnecting with family helps ease many things.
I’ve reconnected with several family members who live in other states and who I haven’t seen in years, and that has been a blessing in and of itself. Because as family we know the craziness that is the family and understand why we all are the way we are without having to explain anything. As family, we can just roll our eyes and laugh about some of the shared chaos.
Learning that allowing love in, makes things better.
I’ve learned that saying goodbye to someone who is still living is the hardest thing one must do in this lifetime. Sometimes we are lucky enough to have someone come back into our lives in a different capacity than before and it be just as good or better than before.
Even though saying goodbye to a couple of friends this year, saying hello to another, showed me that you never know what life will throw at you and being willing and open to love whether in a platonic or romantic way is the best way to be.
Keeping one’s space positive and ready for love in whatever capacity is easier said than done, but it is something that needs to be done for life to be as good as it possibly can be. This life is difficult enough, we don’t need to make it more difficult by being hateful to one another. I’ve learned that picking battles, stopping to smell the flowers, appreciating the little things and listening to understand instead of listening to respond, are the same as remembering to appreciate the Creator in all things.