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The Concubine's Handbook: Do's and Dont's of the Mistress

Updated on May 6, 2014

You Are Not a Requirement

If you are reading this and consider yourself a mistress, you may be wondering if the relationship is "going anywhere." Chances are, barring an unforeseen tragedy such as divorce or death of a spouse, most likely not. It is not always the man who is cheating, but typically it is. Men have a tendency to buy time by explaining how incredibly complex their relationship is and they can't leave for various reasons, but the reality is, men are not typically wired like women, i.e., the emotions or time invested will not cause a man to sway in his decision making. We all know a guy who dated a woman for several years with no commitment only to marry the next girl within a year or two. Men tend to know when they want to do something and tend to do it, and if it hasn't happened, it probably won't.

Dr. Drew Tells It Like It Is

Loyalty Over Everything

Shelly and Donald Sterling are in the spotlight these days, but come what may she stands by her husband of 50+ years and father of her children.
Shelly and Donald Sterling are in the spotlight these days, but come what may she stands by her husband of 50+ years and father of her children. | Source

Why Cheat?

People cheat for several reasons, and regardless of how love is defined within a relationship, it is usually not done with the intention of destroying the family. If the relationship is, however, done, the affair may have a different role. Here are some of the possible reasons:

  • "It's Cheaper to Keep Her" This is self explanatory. The marriage is still in place, but the thrill is gone. Love doesn't live there anymore, but bills are very much alive and kicking, and alimony plus child support is not an appealing option. He may love his kids and respect his wife, but he is not looking to take on his own rent and the mortgage and expenses, not even to ride off into the sunset with you.
  • The spouse is unable to perform. Maybe there is some ongoing health issue like cancer or fibromyalgia that causes intimacy to be non-existent. It is still not a reflection of a man's love or loyalty to his wife, and if things change you could potentially see less of him.
  • There is friction in the marriage. Sometimes people cheat during duress. If a particularly heated argument has taken place with no closure, rash decision making is possible. It still does not warrant the idea of a new relationship that could grow into a marriage or any other future.
  • Greed. Let's face it: some of us want the best of both worlds! Some people want to be with two people in their own way for as long as the two will allow it.

There are other reasons why, but these are a few that don't end in happily ever after unless something tragic happens, which means you are still an honorable mention.

There are many films, shows and books such as "The Other Woman" that explore the relationship dynamics between wives, girlfriends and side women.
There are many films, shows and books such as "The Other Woman" that explore the relationship dynamics between wives, girlfriends and side women. | Source

Keep Your Guard Up

If you like sharing or sloppy seconds, you need rules of engagement. Here are a few ways to protect yourself if you choose to be involved with someone who is taken.

  • Use condoms. Babies born in resentful connections usually have strained parental relationships, and some diseases aren't curable.
  • Take everything one day at a time. The relationship is anything but reliable. Wives are entitled to a "severance package." Mistresses are not.
  • Do not be hung up on semantics. He may think you are "special" and he may have "love for you" but he is only as good as his actions. Focus on the fact that you may have clandestine meetings and fast food but no future.
  • Do not lash out at the "significant other" as you are not. You are not going to win points by exposing your lover. It is not necessarily going to end the relationship either.


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