- Gender and Relationships
The Conversation With Ex's
What would others say about you?
Do you want to know the truth so you can be successful in love? Why don’t you ask those who dated you or were in a relationship with you. The point of such an exercise is for you to be honest and absorb what others think of you. This is not about rekindling the relationship or arguing why they should have never left you.
What went wrong in our relationship?
Why did you treat me this way……?
Was I ever a potential long term partner – if so why/why not?
Did you ever love or have feelings for me?
Why did you leave me?
Why did you cheat on me?
Why didn’t we work?
Whatever your questions may be; it is important to ask those questions so you can have the answers that will help you to grow as an individual. The questions that are answered will also help you to perhaps modify your behavior or understand where your area of opportunities for growth so you can have better/healthier interactions in the future. There are so many women walking around believing they are perfect or it’s just a numbers game – but –that’s not always the case.
The question/set up to guide this conversation should go somewhat as follows:
Do you have a minute?
(You want to make sure the person is available to talk and isn’t in a rush.)
I have some questions I want to ask you and I want you to answer these questions truthfully.
(You want them to promise to answer the questions you have - truthfully.)
Tell me what qualities you liked about me.
Tell me what qualities bothered you about me.
Did you ever love me?
Why didn’t we work?
There are just a few examples of the questions that you might have for that person. If cheating was an issue, ask why it happened, etc. Ask all the forbidden questions that most people never do. These questions are not for the faint of heart but it will make your heart settle. This conversation requires honesty, vulnerability, and requires you to actively listen.
*If anyone is brave enough to do this exercise, please post what you learned from asking these questions. I would not tell you to do it if I haven’t done this myself.