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- Relationship Problems & Advice
The Crossroads/ Do you fight for your relationship or let it go?
First off, allow me to introduce myself to all those who do not know me. My name is Mr. Holmes and this is my very first hub. Yes, I am new to this but I am a very fast learner. lol..So please bear with me. All views, opinions, and comments are respected. I decided to start my first hub based on this topic because I love to see and hear other perspectives. I appreciate you taking your time to actually read my thoughts, opinions, and perspectives. Now lets get to business.
Today I was sitting thinking about how far I've came and the direction in which I am trying to go when a painful situation that I experienced a while ago crossed my mind. I was faced with a major situation in which I was forced to make a life changing decision. One that at one point in our lives, we all are forced to make. Do you stay, hold on, and continue to fight for your relationship or let it all go? A major crossroad decision.
In serious relationships you have a good times, great times, low times, hard times, easy times, and the lowest times all of which- if your love is strong enough you manage to work through every single season of your relationship. If and when it endures, it becomes stronger than ever. However, when you are at the lowest point of the relationship, at the end of the relationship, or separated from the relationship the question most people are forced to deal with is "Do you fight for it or let it go?" This is very tough, especially for us as men (although most choose not to show it) because it's hard to open up and even harder to allow a woman behind our "defensive shield/guards"(those who have been hurt know exactly what that is ) to know every single detail about your life. I believe it's more difficult to invest ourselves emotionally. When you are truly at the low point of your relationship though, that is when you get to see if love will prevail and allow you to get through to the other side of the storm, together or will you separate permanently. In the times we are living in, to find someone who is (the following are a few of the most important qualities-there's plenty more lol) morally grounded, spiritually grounded, and loyal is very rare. So the mere fact of placing yourself in a vulnerable position to which any action or decision that you decide to make will undoubtedly affect your future is a scary thought in itself. However, that is the part of life that most of us are forced to encounter. They say that "if you love something let it go and if it comes back then it was yours to begin with and if it doesn't then it wasn't". Maybe so, but what they don't explain is the pain of letting go, the resentment that sometimes builds up after letting go, and the fact that no matter how hard you attempt to forgive the other person, you will always have something in the back of your mind that reminds you of what they did and how they made you feel. Which is the hardest part of all. (note: situations like these are breeding grounds for players and can turn the most loving and forgiving person into a careless/heartless person if they are not strong enough to realize that everybody is not the same). Fortunately time does heal most wounds, and yes, if the love is real time will allow you to start fresh after the healing and forgiving process has taken place. After all, if you really love somebody you will find a way to forgive them and to truly forgive someone means to forget everything. If you can't forget then you haven't forgiven. Which in turn brings bitterness and there's nothing worse than a bitter person. They not only live in self torment, but they are also contagious with their bitterness, spreading it to anyone that is around them. Like they say, you always hurt the ones that love you the most and that are the closest to you. Hurting people always hurt other people. So to avoid all the sleepless nights, days without eating, slight depression, mood changes, anti-socialness, etc. When you get to the point where neither of you are seeing eye to eye or the point where one feels as though they want to leave, when is the perfect time to decide if you should fight for your love or to let it all go?
A lot of people get caught up in looking for that peachy, hollywood, disneyland cinderella story line not understanding that in real life it doesn't quite happen that way. We as humans are not perfect. You make mistakes, I make mistakes, our mothers and fathers made mistakes, our children will make mistakes that is a fact. Nobody's perfect especially when it comes to relationships. Real life involves real emotions, real sacrifices, real hurt, real pain, real people, and real consequences. There is no director yelling cut at the end of the scene and there are no credits at the end of the scene either. In the end, it's a barrel of confused emotions, loose ends, and a great deal of other unexplained feelings that linger and if not handled the right way can get ugly very fast.
For an authentic and successful relationship to work it requires compromising, understanding, some form of spirituality, communication, a lot of forgiveness, a lot of patience, respect, romance, loyalty, and most of all, unconditional love. Without love, you have nothing..AT ALL. With a small seed of love, the relationship can overcome anything and groom into something very beautiful. Remember though, in order for you to see the true beauty of your investments you have continue to nurture and feed that seed of love. You can't just sit back and have an "oh my, I hope that it grows or gets better in time attitude" because if you do not nurture it and feed it, it will whither and die off. It is also at that time of uneasiness that people reveal how they truly feel and show things that you've never knew existed your entire relationship. Why you may ask. Well as humans we have this thing that comes out of us when we have really invested ourselves into a situation. Where we unconsciously put our heart in someones hand, have us so open and willing to do anything and everything for that person, and it's something that has gotten the best of us. It's called emotions, eeemotions, emooottiionnnss and it reveals it's unpredictable face especially when sensitive situations occur. That's why, from my personal experience, it's best to make sure that you think before you act, react, speak, etc. It takes a mature man/woman to understand this. Another fact is that when you make decisions and say words based on emotions it may come back on you. All though once again, it has happened to most of us at one point or another in our life. Another observation I found to be very informative was the fact that you find that in the toughest times in the relationship, you may come across people that when times get hard and the situation becomes a little more of a challenge (because the honeymoon stage has long departed) they then abandon ship and blindly jump into another situation because they have not grasped the concept that great relationships take work and sometimes you may have to re-create the magic, re-ignite the spark, and create different things in order to keep it going. (To my readers please understand that THE GRASS IS NOT ALWAYS GREENER ON THE OTHER SIDE-IT MAY APPEAR THAT IT IS FROM A DISTANCE BUT ONCE YOU CROSS THAT HILL SEE IT FOR YOURSELF AND YOU LOOK TO RETURN BACK TO THE OTHER SIDE FROM WHICH YOU CAME FROM-THE FIELD THAT YOU CHOSE TO LEAVE MAY NOT BE THE SAME OR MAY NOT EXIST ANYMORE, ALL TOGETHER. (Noteworthy fact about relationships-It has to rain in order for you to truly appreciate the brighter days.) ..but instead of fighting, some choose to leave and run behind lame excuses to cover the true reason behind their actions. Some of it's due to the lack of clarity in how to effectively communicate and deal with minor issues, some of it's a learned behavior, but most of it is simply fear. Fear of the unknown, fear of rejection, fear of abandonment, or the fear that things may never get better and in some cases..they "simply" want their cake and eat it too ( to sum it all up-they need time to "do them" without worrying about any consequences. Most won't admit it though. They will even place the blame on you to take the guilt off of themselves. If you're in that position please make sure that is what you REALLY want to do though because you may lose more than you have gained with that decision.). They quickly and naively jump into the new relationships bringing and dragging all the excess baggage from the last situation into their new one without fully addressing what the issues and problems really were from the beginning. Not taking the needed time to find out who they are and how they can improve themselves. I call these type of people.."road runners"- just like the cartoon. All they do is run not only from their relationship problems and responsibilities, but they also run from their personal problems looking for instant gratification or quick fixes. Not fully understanding that good things take time and in life you have to work for what you really want. In reality, they usually end up in the same predicament as they were in the last relationship only this time around the wounds begin to dig deeper. The only time they really stop or slow down is when they have a "duhh" moment (when it clicks to them out of the blue) or when they have no other option or choice but to sit still. In some cases by then it's too late. So to all those who are at this crossroad, think about the situation fully and thoroughly. Weigh everything out so that you make a solid decision. After all if you're reading this, you are/were in a real relationship (not a 2 week high school relationship or short term college situation).
*I'll leave you with this to think on...if it's true love it will overcome all the adversity, roadblocks, and distractions that come along the way. YOU CAN'T FORCE ANYTHING TO HAPPEN. YOU PRETTY MUCH HAVE TO GO WITH THE FLOW. Only time will reveal the relationships true destiny and true worth. Like it was told to me, if it's in Gods will everything will work out the way that he intends it to. From my experiences over the years the best way to get through most of the troubling times that relationships bring about is to pray...together. By no means am I perfect or a perfect christian but I do believe that relationships that are centered around God have a higher chance of being successful and surviving, not all but most. At the same time, if it is at the point where someone decides to leave. Keep this in mind, if people want to walk out of your life. LET THEM WALK. "Don't try to talk no one into staying with you, loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to see you, staying attached to you, or trying to make them see how much you care for them". When people can walk away from you, let them walk. Your destiny is never tied to anybody that leaves. The Bible said "that, they came out from us that it might be made manifest that they were not for us. For had they been of us, no doubt they would have continued withus. [1 John 2:19]." If you are at the point where someone wants to leave let them go, especially if you love them. God allows people to leave you to make room for something better. It may be an improved and revived relationship or a completely new relationship all together. I know it's hard and very painful but you will survive and you will be okay. Take this time to focus on building yourself up and getting yourself together.
Keep in mind sometimes they may be the right person for you but the timing is not right, they may not be mature enough to deal with a real relationship yet, and in some cases -THINGS JUST WERE NOT MEANT TO BE. Hard pill to swallow but it's the reality of things.
In the end if you are one of the people in a similar situation I pray that everything works out for the best for you and your s/o, spouse, husband or wife. Pray on everything and keep it moving because time doesn't wait for anyone. IF ITS MEANT TO BE IT WILL BE!!!!!!! If you do happen to get back together-great. Make sure you take your time and don't rush into anything. We all are guilty of not appreciating things fully until it's no longer in our grasps and now that you have them back...MAKE YOU SURE DON'T LET THEM GO AGAIN.
*LOVE IS PAINFUL IT HELPS YOU GROW*