The Dangers of Emotional Attachment

Jessica has difficulty finding a healthy balance in her relationship. She is excessively overbearing with her partner, and extremely needy and clingy. She is always suspicious, distrusting, and jealous, and continuously stalks him on the internet. She frustrates and chokes her partner with her overly possessive attitude. Yet when he is not around, she feels a huge emotional need for him to return.

The snapshot above is very similar to what happened to a lot of failed relationships in the world. Jessica is an example of one who is emotionally attached to her partner. Truth is, no relationship will thrive when either of the partners is excessively attached to the other.

Having emotional attachment issues is different from love. Emotional attachment and love are actually interconnected yet both are distinctively different from the other. We can define emotional attachment as a strong emotional bond; whereas, love is a direct feeling to somebody else. Attachment is when you need someone to fill a void in your life or in your self-esteem. Since this is practically impossible, then it’ll ultimately backfire.

Interestingly, when a person is emotionally attached, they make themselves believe that they love whomever they are attached to. Nonetheless, nothing is further from the truth.

When you have emotional attachment issues, you become a selfish lover, yet unable to really love. Real love is not selfish. When you love someone so much that you are not willing to let them go when they want to or be away from them temporarily or feel fine without necessarily having them around, then, Houston we have a problem! They would probably leave soon.

Think about it: You love your mum, dad, brother, sister, aunt, etc., yet, suppose, you’re going to college and you would need to be away from them for a while. Even though you won’t be seeing them as often as you used to, you’d still be fine without them because you’re not emotionally attached to them. You don’t feel a strong bond to them; you don’t feel a huge emotional need for them to come stay with you in college. This is when you’re not suffering an attachment issue.

Notice that I’m not talking about a child that cries when the mother is not around or always want to be around daddy; that is another kind of attachment. We all probably exhibited this kind of reaction as children. But as an adult you need to be a whole person before considering going into a relationship, otherwise you would develop excessive attachment and your relationship will fail.

Now, if you love your partner but cannot be away from them for a significant period of time without being obsessed with contacting them or depressed their absence, then you need to check it. Something is wrong.

1. It leads to hatred

We said emotional attachment as a strong emotional bond. It is when you need someone to fill a void in your life. I could further describe attachment as seeking from man what only God can give. Research states that the most that a married person can please their partner is 80%. The remaining 20% can never be touched. But when one is emotionally attached, he develops unrealistic levels of expectations and demand too much from the partner.

When s/he is unable to deliver on the expectations, they begin to hate their partner. Perhaps, the hatred actually starts from the person on the receiving end of the demands. When you demand too much from a person than they can give you, you begin to frustrate them with your demands in such a manner that they begin to react with anger, and perhaps, hatred. Since you’re already emotionally attached to them, it becomes easy for you to get hurt by their angry reaction to your neediness. Thus, your hurt gets you offended, and perhaps you begin to hate them.

This can bring an end to the relationship and further increasing the hate you feel toward them. Remember, you saw them as filling a void in your life. And when that void is no more being filled, you feel extremely hurt and hatred becomes too easy. Hence, emotional attachment leads to hate.

2. You put up with their toxicity

When you love someone irrationally, that means you are having emotional attachment issues. Because of your need for them to always be with you, you choose to put up with their toxicity. The last thing you want is for them to leave you hence you don’t tell them when you’re displeased with their actions. They could cheat all they want but you would never let go. The relationship might be causing you great pain and depression, but the last thing you want to do is to let them go. This is very unhealthy and is due to emotional attachment.

You might try to walk on a tight rope all your life, but if you don’t have a place to land, you will ultimately fall. You might try to not complain when the relationship becomes too difficult to manage, but a time will come when you’ll find out that you just can’t take it anymore. Hence, the relationship ends and you feel hate for your partner.

3. The relationship ultimately ends

The major reason why we get easily offended is due to our high expectations of people. When you are emotionally attached and your demands in the relationship exceed the level of perfection, it becomes very easy for your partner to get easily offended. Since you are impossible to please, you pick offence at everything your partner does. Consequently, s/he gets frustrated at your demands and you both begin to fight and quarrel without ever coming to agreement. Without a doubt, the relationship ends and you both regret ever meeting each other.

I already stated that no relationship survives when either of the partner is having emotional attachment issues. It’s okay to love someone, but when it gets too much, then it’s not love anymore, but selfishness. Hence, if you really love your partner, you must choose to not be too emotionally involved with them. No matter who your partner is, the truth remains that they are not God. Believe that they can disappoint you anytime or leave you anytime and you must be ready to accept that. You must give them the space that they need to breathe and be away from you—temporarily or permanently. With that, you would have a blissful relationship as a whole person that isn’t dependent on them anyone.