ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

The Dangers of Social Media in Marriage and Relationships

Updated on August 27, 2015

Searching for the Past

Many of us often wonder about what became of our friends from school or an old neighbour that you grew up with and in the past we had no technology to look them up and reconnect. Now with social media and the advanced technology that we have, you can look up old friends, flames and even family that you have lost touch with throughout the years.

It is fantastic for some as they reconnect with people that they were good friends with in high school and some have even found love on the networks as they have looked for old friends and found new ones.

Close friends and shared experiences cannot always be spoken about with a spouse or partner and they often do not feel as passionate about it as you so to find the people that you shared these adventures with is great for those who would like to reminisce about the past.

The past is a great way to let your partner see what you got up to and who the people were that you shared these experiences with as they can finally understand just what it is that you were trying to describe.

It is also a wonderful way to find family that you have been distanced from and great conversations have been had over the net about the past and how much it meant to you or how you hated certain events.

The past can bring people closer together and you can reconnect with people that you have lost touch with along the way but it is also sometimes a little dangerous as the past might effect the present and spouses are not too fond of the networking when it interferes in the present.

While you are searching for the past and reconnecting with old history, you are effecting your present which could lead your future to walk away.

Reconnecting with the Past

It is easy to find people from the past online and you can reconnect with them in so many ways which can be terrific for those who would like to get back into the social circles or find the love that they lost.

With the technology it is easy to be able to communicate with old friends, flames and family by chatting online, exchanging photo's and even contacting them by phone.

Many have found love through the social networks and they have also made new friends or connections that have become good friends or more away out of the cyber world.

Single people have found love, reunions for old school buddies have been conducted as well as socials for those who worked together years ago.

Reconnecting with people that you wondered about can be fun and exciting and what joy you could get from listening to their stories about life and what they have done In between.

Some find their past and choose to bring it into their present whilst others remain in the present and leave the past behind whilst many have been innocently catching up with old friends and others have secretly made plans or met strangers that they intend to see into the future.

Reconnecting with the past is great for those who have wanted to catch up with old friends and family and they genuinely want to rekindle the friendships whilst including their spouses into it but it can also be a burden or strain on relationships or marriage as partners might not want their spouses to chat to old girlfriends or boyfriends and they are also kept in the dark about past events as well as being left out to feel excluded as though the partnership is not good enough.

Reconnecting with the past could effect your present which could lead to changing events for the future and if you do want to reconnect then you need to have a good and solid relationship with your spouse so that they are not left in the dark about your past and they are given the option to say whether or not they would like to meet someone in your history book.

Statistics have shown that many a marriage has been broken by social media and the effects of reconnecting with past friendships or old relationships and this is something that should be discussed with your partner before you decide to make any plans.


Meeting up With the Past

For some it is good enough to see photo's, exchange memories and leave the past in the past whilst others feel that they would like more than just the cyber friendly exchange of history, they would like to meet up and enjoy the company of an old friend so that they can catch up and continue to be friends in the future.

It often works out for some as they meet up with old buddies who they can still relate to and for others, they wonder why they ever wanted to reconnect but in most cases once you have found your past, meeting up with it is the next step and this is where it leads to trouble in marriages and relationships.

Yes you can be married and have friends that you worked with or went to school with before you met your spouse but it is definitely not a good idea to chat online or met up if your partner is not involved as this can lead to marital problems and affairs.

Being open with your spouse is a must and if they are not happy with your plan then you need to respect that. You also need to know that if your partner is taken along to one of your meetings, they might feel excluded and unwelcome as you reconnect and speak about memories that your partner has not shared with you.

Meeting up with your past is also not a good idea if it is more exciting than being with your partner and you should make enough time for your spouse because if you haven't then spending time with the past could lead to trouble too.

It is wonderful to see how people have changed and what they have been up to and you wonder if you can still get together and have that connection or spark that you once had but by meeting up with the past you could be jeopardising your future with the person that you have made a life with.

You also need to know and understand that if you are doing this then your spouse might want to do the same and this should then be okay with you or you will both have to end your social media time.

It can also effect your relationship if you spend too much time on the past as this might distance you and your partner enough for the one to feel lonely and excluded, leaving them vulnerable to other influences which could leave your relationship in a cold place.

For others it is a great way to meet up with family and old friends that can tell stories and share secrets about your partner that you did not know.

Dangers of Social Networking

Social media can cause problems in relationships
Social media can cause problems in relationships

Your Spouse and The Effects of Social Networking

If you have both agreed to go online and reconnect with your past then you should have limits set for what is alright and what is not.

If you are married or in a relationship then naturally you are not advised to join the singles sites or go into private chats with members of the opposite sex as this can lead to problems in your relationship.

Whatever you choose to do online with social networks, you need to be open and honest with your spouse at all times and they should feel comfortable with your socialising and if they are not then you need to set limits.

By reconnecting with the past and perhaps meeting old friends your partner will feel excluded as they cannot relate to certain events in your life and this can lead them to feel lonely or unwanted as you spend time talking about the past when your present is right beside you.

If you are spending too much time on the networks chatting to old friends or flames then your partner will be upset as you are not making that time for him or her.

Social media can effect relationships as you meet up with or reconnect with your past and especially if you meet new people that you would enjoy chatting too.

If you are speaking to or meeting up with people from your social networks and you are doing this without your spouses approval or knowledge of it, then you are being deceitful and this could lead to relationship problems.

If you cannot be open and honest with each other than do not get connected as trouble will find a way in.

Should a partner feel that something is inappropriate or they are telling you that they are not happy with something related to your past or your social media, you need to listen and respect their feelings.


When Social Networking Becomes too Social

Many a time in relationships there is a time where couples get bored or they get angry with each other and social networking is not the place to go to hide. It can cause all sorts of problems in a marriage if you are finding yourself chatting to old friends about your marriage.

Social networking can become too social when you find yourself wanting to get up and begin the day chatting to old buddies and also when you feel the need to see them too often.

If you spend more time in cyber space or too much time planning reunions then with your immediate family, you are being too social.

It is great when you are single because you have no one else to worry about but when you are married and your social networking takes up the time you should be spending with your spouse or family or when it consumes you, then you need to think about slowing down or cutting it out of your life, especially if it makes your family uncomfortable.

Although it is great to reconnect with the past, it is not a good idea to have an ex at your barbeque so that you can speak about the old days and the times you did this and that, if that is what you are doing, think of your partner and how that must hurt them.

Socialising should be a mutual understanding with your partner and you must take them into account if you want to have a happy and healthy marriage.

Which is Your Favourite Social Networking Site?

Which social media is your favourite?

See results
Social networking can lead to communication problems in marriage
Social networking can lead to communication problems in marriage

Relationship Don'ts with Social Media

It is very important to understand that your partner is a huge part of your life and what might seem like innocent fun to you can be seen differently by your spouse.

Before you decide to hunt down the past and reconnect with people that your spouse does not know, you need to be sure that your spouse is alright with this.

Open and honest communication is what you have to apply when you have a partner and they should be able to let you know when something is making them uncomfortable or leaving them to feel excluded from a part of your life. Your history might not be good for your marriage and could be a wedge that can come between you.

Should you want to meet up with a friend or old partner then your spouse should be able to come with you but with this, you also need to know that they will feel left out if you are bringing up past events and this will also make them feel uncomfortable.

Never meet strangers online and connecting with people that you think are "hot" because this will only bring problems into your home.

When you have friend requested someone you also need to ensure that you do not have private conversations that could lead to problems in your marriage.

Keep it simple and exchange photo's and memories out in the open but do not have private chats and inbox messages, everything that you have to share should be with nothing to hide.

The minute you go into something that is private, it causes a gap in your relationship and trust issues will begin to occur, leaving your partner or spouse unhappy and feeling that you have been deceitful.

Do not meet up with anyone unless your partner is alright with it and never post old photo's of you and a lover online as something to talk about.

Partners and spouses will never appreciate or fully understand your need to reconnect with the past if you are interested in playing memory games with ex boyfriends or girlfriends.

Keep your social networking to a minimal and remember that you have a family and a spouse that needs you first before your past does.

If you keep the lines of communication between you and your spouse open, you spend quality time together and you have nothing to hide as you share your experiences and comments, then your relationship will be fine with networking.


Think Before You Join

Most relationships are stable enough to sustain anything but with the stresses of life whether it be financial or other, there is no room to create more strain by joining and hiding in social media sites.

Spouses and partners who have good communication have no problems when it comes to social media and their spouses being involved in it because they know that their partner will tell them everything whether it be good or bad.

People who have no communication and have problems in their marriages might cause more damage by joining these sites and should avoid them altogether.

Before you join a social network and wish to reconnect with your past, you must first ask your partner if they will be fine with it and you should be able to speak about it freely. If your spouse is not alright with it or something makes them unhappy, you need to be able to disconnect and walk away from it without issues if you are wanting to be happy in your marriage.

Think carefully before you join a social network and see if you are doing it for the right reasons. If you are wanting to search for an old lover or you feel that you are wanting to speak dirty to strangers and secretly want to be deceitful then you must be sure that your past will effect your present and will most definitely effect your marriage.

You also need to know that if you can do it and it is good enough for you then your spouse might wish to do the same.


Social Media and Marriages Broken

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • Tashaonthetown profile image
      Author

      Natasha Pelati 23 months ago from South Africa

      MsDora, I love the way that you describe it!

    • MsDora profile image

      Dora Isaac Weithers 23 months ago from The Caribbean

      Social media can be like a tasty dessert after a good meal; but if it's very very sweet, the memory of the entire meal can become distasteful. You give great cautionary advice.

    • Tashaonthetown profile image
      Author

      Natasha Pelati 23 months ago from South Africa

      Georgiolgal1984 - It is sad but true that people do give away so much for so little and they only realise this years later when life has passed them by. Social media is a great way to reconnect or meet people if you are single, it is also good for networking in business but as for couples yes playing with fire can get you burned!

      DashingScorpio - so true it is not the network itself but the person that can break up a marriage with social networking. I think if you have a good open communication with your spouse and you are able to leave your facebook or site open for your spouse to see, then there are no problems but there is always one, that will hunt you down and try their luck even if it is not your intention. Social media to me should be left for business networking and if there is a slight chance that your relationship is not strong, then it should not even be considered.

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 24 months ago

      As the old adage goes: "Guns don't kill, people do."

      Whether one believes in gun control or not it's hard to deny that is true. Much like a (fork) is a tool to eat with. It can be used to eat a garden salad or a slice of double fudge cake. No obese person would dream of blaming their weight gain on their fork!

      And yet many folks are inclined to blame online dating sites and social media for the breakup of their relationships rather than the (choices) they or their mate made. You nailed it when you said:

      "If you are speaking to or meeting up with people from your social networks and you are doing this without your spouses approval or knowledge of it, then you are being deceitful and this could lead to relationship problems."

      Cheating has been around forever. I'm almost certain when the Wright brothers invented the airplane they had no vision that one day it would be used in military operations to drop bombs on people.

      It's not the plane that is at fought but rather the hearts and minds of the people using it. The same could be said for social media.

      People who are incline to cheat are simply using social media to accomplish their goal. Human beings often "romanticize" their past especially if they are bored, unhappy, or feel they're in a rut in the present. So they reach back to their "glory days" in hopes of capturing magic. More often than not it's foolish.

    • georgialgal1984 profile image

      Mrs Clark 24 months ago from United States

      Great article! This is something I am hearing of more and more. Marriages ruined due to spouses having online affairs. Whether it's social media or those horrible affair sites, people playing with fire will get "burned". They end up giving up so much for so little. Hope you have a great day~