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The Dating Games

Updated on January 13, 2016

Dating Game

So after two failed marriages you would think I'm a pro at dating and would understand all the hidden rules. The truth is I find all these rules disturbing and aggravating. As I'm getting older the dating pool is getting smaller and smaller. Then chances are high if you find a good one he thinks he has to play the dating game also.

I'm really not sure if the dating game is protect the person who is playing the game or if they think the person they are after will be scared away if they don't play. What happened to if you like someone acting like it, taking it slowly and just showing someone how you feel? So I've dated this man on and off a few times since I walked out on my marriage. For the most part I would say he is exactly what I'm looking for besides he plays the dating games.

He can see this upsets me and tries to reverse the situation on me as if it's all my fault. He does the typical things like never responding to a text too fast and usually waits for me to text or call first. We have talked about this and he says he wants me to make him a priority and that I don't seem really interested in him. The truth is I'm very interested but I'm also confused because at my age I just don't have time for this.

Who wants to be mid-thirties and wasting months of what youth I have on somebody who I'm just not sure is ready for a girl like me. I'm a faithful, loving and a honest partner so I expect the same in return and this is also a challenge to find. We have hours of conversations wich is hard to do with being a Mom but after the kids are sleeping I stay awake just to hear his voice. I can be angry for the strange games he plays but once I hear his voice it's all over and I'm like a love struck teenager.

I feel like I've really put myself and my feelings all out for him and I'm only getting about half of that in return. I can see he really cares for me and I think that scares him because he's been alone for such a long time. With all of this I'm not ready for him to meet my children, play family board game night or anything that would involve my children at this point. He has tried and asked for a plan to meet my children which I just push aside because if this isn't long term why get my children attached to anyone new?

Trying to figure out how to love and move forward with my past is so hard but I'm trying because I really could see a future with this man. Right when I think things are going perfect he falls back into the dating games. The texts that take forever to respond, the waiting for me to text back, trying to make me jealous and at some points I feel as if I have fallen into that trap with him. When he doesn't text back for hours and then he does text I find myself wanting to wait to reply so he doesn't think he's winning me over and can treat me however he feels.

I'm just a girl who has loved few times and it's never worked out regardless how many times I tried. I never believed in divorce and I do believe in that forever love because I'm the typical hopeless romantic. I just don't know if I'm suppose to play the game or just move on in life with the hope that either he grows up or I find someone also not into the dating games?


Dating Game

Do you still play the dating game?

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    • Dive MoMo profile imageAUTHOR

      Monique 

      2 years ago from Wichita, Ks

      I just love your feedback and you really hit home with this. He's an amazing person but can be very active and for no reason very distant. This can be very confusing when I feel like we're really moving forward. As I mentioned we have very lengthy conversations and in these we've really opened up to each other. I feel like I have no secrets, not holding back at all but he's only meeting me half way. He has always been a game player and this is what made me push away the first time. In the beginning I was fresh out of a very long marriage and just not ready for anyone new so that was all on me. This time we've been really opening up and talking for two months and this doesn't feel long enough to get my children involved yet. I don't care if he doesn't text back right away but it hurts to put yourself really out and make progress just to take steps back because you can see he is nervous about where things are going. We can go from talking two hours one night to him not saying anything at all the next day.

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 

      2 years ago

      Falling "in love" requires courage.

      It's the most vulnerable position to be in. It is especially difficult to do after one has had their heart broken one or more times. In fact with each heartache one tends to put less of them self into relationships.

      Holding back is a defense mechanism we employ to protect ourselves.

      Very much like the often stated: "Once a cheater always a cheater." adage.

      The reality is if one can become a former smoker, a former drinker, or a former drug user it makes no logical sense to say: Once one cheats they're stuck being a cheater for life!

      The people who say that are really using it as a "rule" for themselves in hopes of avoiding making the same mistake.

      Opening up one's heart at some point becomes a choice. If you don't feel "safe" to do so there are two possible reasons.

      1. Your inner voice knows he is not trustworthy. Therefore move on.

      2. You think he is "the one" but you don't trust (you) anymore.

      Maybe you've had bad luck picking mates in the past. Instead of learning lessons from the mistakes and making wiser choices you use the same criteria for picking men.

      Each of us (chooses) our own friends, lovers, and spouse.

      If you have had one bad dating/relationship experience after another it's probably time you re-examine you mate selection criteria.

      The only thing all of you bad relationships have in common is (you).

      At some point we hope that wisdom sinks in for us to the point where we have learned from bad choices and can (trust ourselves) to know when we have something special.

      Any relationship that is "off and on" is a reflection that neither person feels committed to stay together or brave enough to move on for good.

      Hanging in and expecting people to change who they are is unrealistic.

      The goal is to find someone who shares your same values, wants the same things for the relationship that you do, naturally agrees with you on how to obtain those things, and last but not least there is a mutual depth of love and desire for one another.

      Like attracts like and opposites attract divorce attorneys!

      If something doesn't (feel) right to you it's probably not right for you.

    • Dive MoMo profile imageAUTHOR

      Monique 

      2 years ago from Wichita, Ks

      Maybe out of fear of getting too attached to someone who isn't attached?

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 

      2 years ago

      It sounds to me like you (both) are playing games!

      "So I've dated this man {on and off} a few times since I walked out on my marriage. For the most part I would say he is exactly what I'm looking for besides he plays the dating games.

      (Who has been breaking it off? Him? or You?)

      Not responding to a text ASAP shouldn't be a "deal breaker"!

      "He can see this upsets me and tries to reverse the situation on me as if it's all my fault. He does the typical things like never responding to a text too fast and usually waits for me to text or call first.

      We have talked about this and {he says he wants me to make him a priority and that I don't seem really interested in him.} The truth is I'm very interested but I'm also confused because at my age I just don't have time for this."

      You either (aren't listening to what he has to say) or you are unable to (show him) that he (is) a "priority". There some women who love to play the game of "Never let a guy know how much you care about him because he will take advantage of you." They don't realize if a guy thinks you don't care it makes it that much easier to play the field or not make her a top priority!

      Other people simply want their mate to love them in ways they themselves will never love them back. They're more interested in "controlling" people than "loving" people.

      You say you're in love with the guy and then turn around and say:

      "I can see he really cares for me and I think that scares him because he's been alone for such a long time. With all of this {I'm not ready for him to meet my children}, play family board game night or anything that would involve my children at this point. He has tried and asked for a plan to meet my children which I just push aside because if this isn't long term why get my children attached to anyone new?"

      You didn't mention how long you have been dating but if it's been quite a while and you love him, believes he loves you, and he is interested spending time with you and the kids but YOU keep pushing it aside....

      Is it any wonder why he may not feel like you are serious about him?

      I really don't think there is any "dating game" going here.

      Everyone defines love in their own way. We all have our expectations of what love should look like, feel like, and how it should be expressed.

      Whenever we come across someone who does not love us the way we want to be love we assume they don't really love us.

      Very few people are walking around with one hand raised in the air screaming: "I'm looking for someone to change me!"

      There are only two ways to experience joy and peace of mind in relationships: We either get what we want or we learn to be happy with what we have. Accept them as (is) or move on.

      Truth be told when it comes to love and relationships most of us (fail our way) to success. If this were not the case we'd all be married to our high school sweethearts!

      As for texting I truly believe we text people we don't want to talk to.

      If you're both (keeping track) of who did what and when then you're both playing games. One man's opinion!:)

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