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The Dating Scene for those Over 40

Updated on November 12, 2013

The search for a new mate is less complicated between the ages of 18-35. The main concern is mutual physical attraction and compatibility. Neither party really cares much about the other's economic success because the utopia of love will get the couple through it all. You really just care about the physical aspects of each other and the emotion provided because most within the age bracket still have not acquired much. So, in a sense, there is not much to lose.

Things change after age 40 and relationships or dating seems to be not as free and easy as it was 20 years earlier. While 40 is still relatively young and most still have their youthful appearance, by age 50+, many are fighting the first clues of age that most fight not to have, whether it is gray hair, wrinkles, overweight, sagging muscles and other effects of gravity. Trying to return to the dating scene to find that "new love" seems more childish than it did when you were married. Going to clubs seems to be for those much younger adults, after all, many could be your son or daughter! Online websites offers an easy, effortless way, to meet others incognito. But, still, returning to this scene is more of one that "someone must do" rather than "wanting to do".

Dating at this older age is some of the same you faced 20 years earlier. Despite what on states, the very first thing is appearance, mutual attraction and compatibility. But it is harder because you no longer look as good as you once did and for many, its a killer. There is more caution in the dating process because both parties have baggage. Baggage from past marriages or relationships or kids that all contribute to making things more complicated and may not be appealing. Both also have more to lose now. Time is running out in a sense weakening your ability to attract. Both also have more issues, whether financial or health, and both are very cautious regarding their real property or investments.

So, the whole dating thing past age 40 simply becomes more complicated at times. Because there is more to lose, both sides are more cautious in their dating approach and will not settle for someone who does not meet all criteria. Gone are those carefree days of youth. This is much more pragmatic.

Some online applicants refuse to place a photo, their astrological sign, or any sort of decent description in fear of fear that a hacker or nefarious criminal will do something with such information. Others want a drawn out email communication before doing a meet and greet. Some are hesitant in meeting in public over coffee. It is no worse than a blind date- it will either click or not. Such paranoia is only made worse because of news regarding security leaks in websites. Everyone is more picky about what they want this time around in love. It is no longer blind. Experience is the teacher, here.

Now, both want the other to be successful and mostly free of kids at home. I guess most do not wish to repeat it again. I guess for those dating again at age 60+, it must be even harder to find a new mate physically attractive and so accomplishments and wealth are looked at in its place,

The constant between all the ages is the feeling of love and compatibility, enjoying each other's company. I recall how my mother at age 75 met a widowed man who was 79. It was a weird feeling seeing my mom with another man besides my dad, who had died years before, yet, I could see how both were smitten with each other. There was that spark between them. Both of their good looks at long vanished with age, so whatever attraction there was did not include that aspect.


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