The Difficulties Of Moving On
By Michelle Liew Tsui-Lin
“You will find that it is necessary to let things go; simply for the reason that they are heavy. So let them go, let go of them. I tie no weights to my ankles.”
― C. JoyBell C.
Author C.Joybell C. summarizes the process of moving on with life perfectly, though she somewhat trivializes it.
We always hear the words "You need to move on," or "Let go,"
from well-intentioned family members abd friends. Though they mean well, they may lack empathy for your situation and trivialize it.
Nonetheless, we need to go forward. But it is hard to realize that we need to when we are stuck in mire.
It does not mean, however, that we cannot transcend difficulties, however overwhelming they are.
We find it hard to move on because of...
b. Lack of confidence
c. Fear of change
d. The need to vindicate oneself
e. Negative thinking
1. What stops us from moving on
Moving on daunts because it involves the sacrifice of our pride. While going forward, we may have to humble ourselves and admit our mistakes. Having to face them deals bruises to our egos.
Our lack of confidence in improving difficult situations sometimes stands in the way as well. We find it hard to deal with overwhelming grief or failure. The lack of self-esteem prevents us from trying to take the hesitant steps forward.
Abrupt change may also unnerve us. Often, we do not feel equipped to deal with sudden loss or pain. We have not tapped on the strength within.
And then, we feel the need to vindicate ourselves when someone throws a curveball our way. The incessant want to seek answers when we are wronged, though explicable, holds us back.
We develop an unhealthy cynicism that tells us not to move forward.
How to move on or find closure
We must move on because...
a. Others have moved on.
b. It leads to negative thinking.
c. It breeds cynicism.
d. It causes depression that wrecks.
2. Why we must move on
Yes, we are cynical, feel the need to resolve outstanding issues, or club someone over the head. Of course, we become disgruntled when nothing works to our satisfaction. This paralyzes us and stops us from moving forward.
We have to shake ourselves from that paralysis because others already have. Those who have hurt us have already move on, not aware of the extent of the damage they have caused. Situations are not set to change in the short term.
Clinging on to the need for answers only breeds cynicism and negativity. It causes depression that wrecks no one, but ourselves.
Which of these warning signs have you experienced?
You need to move on when..
1. you linger on the pasT
2. a situation is causes more pain than happiness
3. you expect impossible change
4. you become complacent, bored and resentful
5. you feel alone, unheard or disrespected.
6. the situation restrains you
7. you cry more often
8. you feel exhausted emotionally, spiritually and physically.
9. you are dispassionate
10. When you compromise your beliefs
11. you stop having fun.
12. you fear this is the best that will be.
13. you force a smile to mask the pain.
14. you lose who you are and stop dreaming.
15. you fear change.
16. you sense you are holding on to a negative situation
17.. you believe in a better life for yourself.
3. Warning signs that you need to progress
Doing so is definitely not a small slice of cake. When we are in the middle of trying to make sense of an overwhelming issue, sensing the need to do so is almost impossible.
How do we tell that it is time to take steps forward?
We know that we need to move on when we constantly dwell on the past. When we linger on what could have been instead of what could be, you are probably stuck in a painful rut and desperately need to move forward. Crying often is a sign that you need to move out of your darkness.
If your situation causes you more pain than happiness, it is probably time that you let go of it.
When you start expecting impossible change and refuse to proceed until it happens, you know you need to move from the comfort zone of your own pain. Feelings of resentment and boredom with life as it is tell you that you need to change it.
Another warning sign is feeling physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted. Should this unnatural pattern persist, you need to take the first steps out of your rut.
When you find yourself losing your ideals, becoming dispassionate it is probably time you moved forward. If the notion of fun seems alien, then reacquaint yourself with it.
If you force yourself to smile most of the time, then it is time to make changes. Feeling the need to change yet refusing to means that you really must make positive moves in your life.
If you believe that deserve a better life for yourself, reach forward, move on and take it, because you probably do.
4. Moving on: Overcoming The Difficulties
All being said, how can we move forward when it seems like we are stepping on pieces of burning coal?
We can start by graciously accepting the truth. The less palatable the situation is, the more we need to accept it. Acceptance paves the way for its betterment.
Further, it is good to distance ourselves from knotty problems or situations for a while. We can then come back to it with a fresh perspective and feel the way ahead.
Moreover, in every nasty situation, there is always something you can change. Focus on that and do not dwell on the damage already done.
It also helps to focus inward. We cannot make changes until we take a hard look at ourselves. Are there changes about ourselves we need to make first?
Then claim ownership of your life. After all, everyone has a right to happiness. Take calculated risks, especially if you have nothing else to lose.
Focus on the present and future. Dwelling on what you cannot change only wastes your own time and does not help.
Being a hard rock is tempting, but not moving from a set place only gets you eroded.
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