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The Difficulties Of Moving On

Updated on September 3, 2014
Haiku by Michelle Liew Tsui-Lin
Haiku by Michelle Liew Tsui-Lin | Source

By Michelle Liew Tsui-Lin

“You will find that it is necessary to let things go; simply for the reason that they are heavy. So let them go, let go of them. I tie no weights to my ankles.”

― C. JoyBell C.

Author C.Joybell C. summarizes the process of moving on with life perfectly, though she somewhat trivializes it.

We always hear the words "You need to move on," or "Let go,"

from well-intentioned family members abd friends. Though they mean well, they may lack empathy for your situation and trivialize it.

Nonetheless, we need to go forward. But it is hard to realize that we need to when we are stuck in mire.

It does not mean, however, that we cannot transcend difficulties, however overwhelming they are.

Source

We find it hard to move on because of...

a. Pride

b. Lack of confidence

c. Fear of change

d. The need to vindicate oneself

e. Negative thinking

1. What stops us from moving on

Moving on daunts because it involves the sacrifice of our pride. While going forward, we may have to humble ourselves and admit our mistakes. Having to face them deals bruises to our egos.

Our lack of confidence in improving difficult situations sometimes stands in the way as well. We find it hard to deal with overwhelming grief or failure. The lack of self-esteem prevents us from trying to take the hesitant steps forward.

Abrupt change may also unnerve us. Often, we do not feel equipped to deal with sudden loss or pain. We have not tapped on the strength within.

And then, we feel the need to vindicate ourselves when someone throws a curveball our way. The incessant want to seek answers when we are wronged, though explicable, holds us back.

We develop an unhealthy cynicism that tells us not to move forward.

How to move on or find closure

We must move on because...

a. Others have moved on.

b. It leads to negative thinking.

c. It breeds cynicism.

d. It causes depression that wrecks.

2. Why we must move on

Yes, we are cynical, feel the need to resolve outstanding issues, or club someone over the head. Of course, we become disgruntled when nothing works to our satisfaction. This paralyzes us and stops us from moving forward.

We have to shake ourselves from that paralysis because others already have. Those who have hurt us have already move on, not aware of the extent of the damage they have caused. Situations are not set to change in the short term.

Clinging on to the need for answers only breeds cynicism and negativity. It causes depression that wrecks no one, but ourselves.

Which of these warning signs have you experienced?

See results

You need to move on when..

1. you linger on the pasT

2. a situation is causes more pain than happiness

3. you expect impossible change

4. you become complacent, bored and resentful

5. you feel alone, unheard or disrespected.

6. the situation restrains you

7. you cry more often

8. you feel exhausted emotionally, spiritually and physically.

9. you are dispassionate

10. When you compromise your beliefs

11. you stop having fun.

12. you fear this is the best that will be.

13. you force a smile to mask the pain.

14. you lose who you are and stop dreaming.

15. you fear change.

16. you sense you are holding on to a negative situation

17.. you believe in a better life for yourself.

3. Warning signs that you need to progress

Doing so is definitely not a small slice of cake. When we are in the middle of trying to make sense of an overwhelming issue, sensing the need to do so is almost impossible.

How do we tell that it is time to take steps forward?

We know that we need to move on when we constantly dwell on the past. When we linger on what could have been instead of what could be, you are probably stuck in a painful rut and desperately need to move forward. Crying often is a sign that you need to move out of your darkness.

If your situation causes you more pain than happiness, it is probably time that you let go of it.

When you start expecting impossible change and refuse to proceed until it happens, you know you need to move from the comfort zone of your own pain. Feelings of resentment and boredom with life as it is tell you that you need to change it.

Another warning sign is feeling physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted. Should this unnatural pattern persist, you need to take the first steps out of your rut.

When you find yourself losing your ideals, becoming dispassionate it is probably time you moved forward. If the notion of fun seems alien, then reacquaint yourself with it.

If you force yourself to smile most of the time, then it is time to make changes. Feeling the need to change yet refusing to means that you really must make positive moves in your life.

If you believe that deserve a better life for yourself, reach forward, move on and take it, because you probably do.

Source

4. Moving on: Overcoming The Difficulties

All being said, how can we move forward when it seems like we are stepping on pieces of burning coal?

We can start by graciously accepting the truth. The less palatable the situation is, the more we need to accept it. Acceptance paves the way for its betterment.

Further, it is good to distance ourselves from knotty problems or situations for a while. We can then come back to it with a fresh perspective and feel the way ahead.

Moreover, in every nasty situation, there is always something you can change. Focus on that and do not dwell on the damage already done.

It also helps to focus inward. We cannot make changes until we take a hard look at ourselves. Are there changes about ourselves we need to make first?

Then claim ownership of your life. After all, everyone has a right to happiness. Take calculated risks, especially if you have nothing else to lose.

Focus on the present and future. Dwelling on what you cannot change only wastes your own time and does not help.


5. Conclusion

Being a hard rock is tempting, but not moving from a set place only gets you eroded.

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    • midget38 profile image
      Author

      Michelle Liew 3 years ago from Singapore

      Thanks, Nithya!

    • Vellur profile image

      Nithya Venkat 3 years ago from Dubai

      Great hub about moving on in life. Moving on is living life, there is no life if we do not move on. Focus in the present and future is very important, great hub and great points showcased. Voted up.

    • midget38 profile image
      Author

      Michelle Liew 3 years ago from Singapore

      Correct, Denise!

    • midget38 profile image
      Author

      Michelle Liew 3 years ago from Singapore

      Thanks, Aviannovice! It's hard to admit to it!

    • midget38 profile image
      Author

      Michelle Liew 3 years ago from Singapore

      Indeed it is, Bill!

    • midget38 profile image
      Author

      Michelle Liew 3 years ago from Singapore

      Thanks, DealforaLiving !

    • midget38 profile image
      Author

      Michelle Liew 3 years ago from Singapore

      Thanks, Manatita!

    • midget38 profile image
      Author

      Michelle Liew 3 years ago from Singapore

      Amazing stats there, Dashing Scorpio! Yes, our future lies ahead of us....dwelling in the past prevents us from finding our true soul mates!

    • midget38 profile image
      Author

      Michelle Liew 3 years ago from Singapore

      Thanks, Bill.

    • denise.w.anderson profile image

      Denise W Anderson 3 years ago from Bismarck, North Dakota

      Change is always difficult, especially when it is forced upon us by unexpected circumstances. We have to go through a grieving process before we can move on. Then we can accept and go forward.

    • aviannovice profile image

      Deb Hirt 3 years ago from Stillwater, OK

      Very wise advice from someone that has undoubtedly been there. I think we all have been in unpalatable situations upon occasion. When it is time to get away, it is apparent, but sometimes admitting that mistake can be a little less than easy. Good work!

    • DrBillSmithWriter profile image

      William Leverne Smith 3 years ago from Hollister, MO

      I've always been able to understand when it was time to move on, and did it. Many times. This is very important stuff… if only those who really need it will read it, pay attention, and "Just do it!" ;-)

    • midget38 profile image
      Author

      Michelle Liew 3 years ago from Singapore

      I guess change takes us time to adjust to, Paula! But it will turn out for the best!

    • midget38 profile image
      Author

      Michelle Liew 3 years ago from Singapore

      Welcome to HP, Nancy! Glad to have you here!

    • ChitrangadaSharan profile image

      Chitrangada Sharan 3 years ago from New Delhi, India

      Moving on can be very difficult but that is the wisest thing to do.

      You made some very important and relevant points in this hub.

    • DealForALiving profile image

      Sam Deal 3 years ago from Earth

      Scars can take a long time to heal, especially when they're scars of the heart.

    • manatita44 profile image

      manatita44 3 years ago from london

      Beautiful and compellingly written. Exquisite piece and very meaningful to many I'm sure.

    • Nancy Hardin profile image

      Nancy Carol Brown Hardin 3 years ago from Las Vegas, NV

      Very true. My latest moving on has been the move from Squidoo, a place I'd counted as a second "home," for almost five years. But you can't live in the past...you must face forward and move in that direction. It's nice to re-live memories, and I have some great ones from my Squidoo time, and I've met a lot of new friends on the site. But re-living a memory and living in the past are two different things. I was upset and angry, when I first heard the announcement that HubPages acquired Squidoo. But after a couple days of mourning and complaining, it was time to move on to a new adventure. And now I'm happy to be part of HubPages, and once again to meet new friends. Life is a series of moving on.

    • Paula Atwell profile image

      Paula Atwell 3 years ago from Cleveland, OH

      So apropos in the current Hubpages/Squidoo fiasco. :) Moving on can be very hard in a variety of situations.

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 3 years ago

      The biggest challenge for a lot of folks is they (don't want to) move on!

      If a relationship fails they secretly hope for some miracle of reconciliation. The idea of (starting over) with saying; "Hello my name is...etc" sickens them. Truth be told this keeps a lot of people in toxic relationships.

      They HATE the whole dating process!

      Putting things into perspective is one of the keys to finally moving on in my opinion. In the U.S. the divorce rate hovers around 50%. This clearly should alert someone that they're not "alone". In fact the vast majority of us (fail our way to success) when it comes to love and relationships. If this were not the case we'd all be married to our high school sweethearts!

      One has to stop romanticizing the past! In order for your (ex) to be "the one" they would have to see (you) as being "the one". At the very least a "soul-mate" is someone who actually (wants to be with) you! (And vice versa).

      "Never love anyone who treats you like you're ordinary."

      - Oscar Wilde

      Every ending is a new beginning!

      Your future lies ahead of you and not behind you!

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 3 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Excellent points made, especially about admitting it is time and that being a blow to our pride. Very wise points here.

    • midget38 profile image
      Author

      Michelle Liew 3 years ago from Singapore

      Glad that you've found a way through it, Devika!

    • DDE profile image

      Devika Primić 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      I have moved on from my tough experiences with a such a sudden change and feel great. At times I did feel lonely and bored now I feel most positive and alert with my new life. In time everything falls in place.

    • midget38 profile image
      Author

      Michelle Liew 3 years ago from Singapore

      How can we move on when I something roots us in place?