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The Dilemma of Love and Regret: Moral Story

Updated on September 6, 2018
Pam Morris profile image

Writing is my passion. I have an undying thirst and quest in the field of writing. Some eat, smoke, drink or use drugs when stressed, I writ

My moral story begins at the age of twenty- one when I married an outgoing guy with a big, bright smile that shines brightly like the sunshine. A smile that not only filled my heart, but a personality that stood out from the crowd. He was a down-to-earth guy with a kind, loving heart, the most kind-hearted, caring man you would ever meet. Fate brought us together, I fell in love, and we spend a life together that most would only hope for. He helped other people because he thought it was the right thing to do and it made him happy to do it.

The guy of my dreams heart was so big that He would give his last piece of change to a stranger if it helped. It was so much about him that stood out, but the one thing that made him unique, and unlike anyone else is his wonderful personality that stood out from behind his big bright smile. He was glibber, resilient and more handsome than any man to me and I looked upon him as my ‘everything.’ In spite of this, what made me impervious to pain and fear is knowing He was my protector and being deeply loved by him besides his love gave me strength. He was and is, the love of my life and the only man in this world that I have ever felt entirely safe placing my life in the palm of his hands. He was someone I can easily talk to about anything, and I felt blessed to He was the type of guy who knew how to solve any issue that may occur in our life.

Whenever the storm come raging, He knew how to turn the thunderstorm and heavy rain into light drizzles that turned into sunshine. I will NEVER forget the first time our eyes connect I was having lunch with a girlfriend when He walks over to the table. My heart beats, heavy, and that smile on his face stole my heart before I even knew His name. He Introduced himself and asked if He can pay for our lunch. I was unable to speak for a moment, so my girlfriend said, please have a seat. It took me about ten minutes to get myself together. When He asks me my name, my voice cracks, but I manage to speak so he can understand my name and my life as I knew it changes in a way that I felt as if I was flowing on clouds. I felt the type of high that no one wants to come off of as it is the most beautiful feeling anyone can EVER experience.

After we met, shortly after that moment, we started dating. We began to talk every day on the phone, from the telephone conversation I found out we met when I was seven and he was six, thirteen years ago. He lives next door to my Aunt, and we had a conversation where he shared with me we would get married one day. As a young girl not thinking about boys or marriage, I thought he was one crazy little boy. Also, I found out when he saw me having lunch with my friend, he knew it was me and had every intention of going out on a date with me. Except he had developed and grown into a handsome young man, nothing like the crazy little boy I thought he was thirteen years ago.

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. Lao Tzu

From that conversation I thought, make no mistake: Fairy tales do happen. What's the chance of meeting the boy who had a childhood crush on me, who I thought was crazy, see Him again, and we develop something beautiful, and we manage to keep the magic going throughout the years. I still remember when I was nine I visit my aunt one 4th of July, and we were barbequing outside how he used to follow me around and talk about how he wanted to give me the desires of my heart. I couldn't see myself with someone I felt was weird and far from what I aspire to spend my life with. After that, I didn’t see him much so when I saw him again at TGI Friday I did not know it was Him. However, somehow, he knew me the moment he laid eyes on me sitting at the table.

A year after we started dating we got married and shared this fantastic life, and two beautiful children. We experience a life many could only hope to live except the early morning I receive a telephone call telling me my mother was rushed to the hospital after she was found in her bedroom faced down with fluid coming from her nose. I could not get dressed fast enough to get in the car to check on my mother. When I arrived at the hospital, I learn my mother had a stroke. There were so many thoughts running through my head as I can remember thinking how can she have a stroke what made it come out of the blue. Especially since she just had her regular checkup and the doctor giving her a clean bill of health.

When a person who seems healthy, and has a way to impact the world for the better like my mom did it's hard to know how to react the way in which to think, feel and all I could think is what will I do if she doesn't make it. Thinking back to the last conversation we shared I believe she knew her work was done here on earth and the conversation we share was her way of saying goodbye. We talk a lot on the phone or in person, but this conversation was one you want to cherish always. I know I should consider that last phone call as our last connection that shows she wants me to move on with my life, and stand on my own two feet, but I was unable to do that for many months.

Thank God my husband was available to me. I still remember crying on his shoulder on many nights as he made me feel better like everything would be okay. It wasn't easy, but I manage to bounce back to begin living life as my mother would want when a little over three years later the same tragedy happen. This time my husband falls out the bed and start shaking, I was scared out of my mind. Call 911 he was rushed to the hospital to learn he had a heart attack. On the contrary, how does a person continue living life when the same tragedy has occurred yet again and with no warning?

Love is the master key that opens the gates of happiness, of hatred, of jealousy, and, most easily of all, the gate of fear. Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.

My heart is broken as He was not ill and showed No signs that he was ready to be called home just like my mother. I knew He was a workaholic and put a lot of time into helping others. I felt He was overdoing it, but helping others was His passion and I was not able to get Him to slow down. When the doctor told me, my husband passed away; I could not believe my ears, I said, “What?” He repeated I’m sorry your husband did not make it, and I scream ‘No’ I attempted to walk out the room to get some fresh air because I felt overheated but I passed out before I could leave the room. I’m not entirely sure how long I was unconscious unaware of my whereabouts, but when I regained consciousness, my sister kept trying to ensure me that everything will be all right but I knew it would not, and I felt “hurt.”

I never felt so alone in my life. And I can remember thinking, “Now how will I be able to walk all alone? I did not know how I would continue to exist and I was in genuine need of Jesus. I remembered feeling entirely and incredibly emotional and thinking how this could have happened again. No one person should be allowed to feel so much pain. Most of all, I thought I would be next, and my husband’s death would be the end of me. My heart felt as if it would never love again, but you know that despite how much hurt you’ve been through, there’s always a special guy out there who will find you, waiting to heal all the pain that you have.

Unconditional love really exists in each of us. It is part of our deep inner being. It is not so much an active emotion as a state of being. It's not 'I love you' for this or that reason, not 'I love you if you love me.' It's love for no reason, love without an object. Ram Dass

My Moral Story of Love and Regret: Almost a year after losing my husband, I meet this guy, a gem of a person; if it had only been at a different time, we might have spent an eternity together. He was everything a girl like me could ask for in a man. The extraordinary “idea guy” who is believed to only exist in a happily ever after story, the ‘knight in shining armor’ type of guy. But it was too soon my heart still had not healed and I had this feeling deep down everything I love leave me. Therefore, I was incapable of love, and I allowed him to get away. If only I were capable of loving another and realized before I’ve broken up with a guy so significant in my life, I believe my life would of consist of everything I ever wished for because He continually guide me back toward the right direction whenever I wander off approaching the wrong path.

We meet at a retail store I was working for I was working the front end as the customer service manager, I made sure the cashier had money and change in the register. Also, I handle any problem occur; I even made sure they didn't have too much money in the register. I requested backup cashiers to help out when the lines were too long. This fantastic man came through the checkout line I was assisting with change. When I walk away to walk to the customer service desk, He walks up to me and asks for my number. I did not reply I continue to the customer service desk, and He walks up to me, and we begin talking. I gave him my number and told him we talk when I have more time. He called several times, but I work long hours as a manager, so I was not able to speak with him until the third time he called.

After we finally talk, we begin being friends and He assists me to get over a year of agonizing and depression, after meeting this extraordinary man whom I felt an attraction for immediately after our eyes met each other. I think he felt the same way because he refuses to accept, “No.” However, despite all that was going on in my life, he was the type of guy that could love deeply, wholly and prodigiously. Shortly after we start talking, he helped me realize that no matter how many storms a person has weathered, they still have a choice to excel, and they can even decide to take a chance at love.

From that, I went out on a date with him. We hit it off immediately. Following that, we talk to each other practically every day. What is more is that he encouraged and assisted me in every way possible. He supported me as I went back to college to complete my degree and further my career. But most of all he helped me to realize that despite everything, love can be a complicated matter in anyone's life, no matter how much a person’s been through, they can also trust their heart and follow it courageously. At first, there was a lot of uncertainty, but he led me to believe that somewhere along the way we were meant to meet, and it soon became apparent that he was no ordinary guy.

We both work many long hours during the week and some Saturday, so we spend a few weekdays together, but we spend every Sunday together. Some Sunday we would sit cuddling together watching Jackie Gleason on the Honeymooner. It was an old movie that didn’t make sense to me at first, but after watching with Him for a while, it became our movie, and I look forward to watching it with Him. He sometimes takes me to a different event that we can enjoy together like a boat cruise with a celebrity like the O Jays or Luther Vandross. He was a D J, and He had almost any CD you can ever imagine. I didn’t know this at first, but music was one of his passion. Also, he loves to play chess and He was very good at it. It was a game that consists of strategies and using your brain.

Six months after we begin sharing our life together, I stomped my toe and broke it. So, I was off work for months, almost a year. I was receiving Worker comp, and He knew it, but He was a wonderful guy, He came to my house to see what need to be done and did it. He surprises me with a traveler’s check for three thousand dollars and asks me was that enough for the month. It was more than enough. He also came into the house with bags of grocery, and it was the food I loved. Whenever I felt sad or had problems in life, He would call like He knew I needed Him.

After all, he was loving, caring and patient with me, he even waits for so many years for me. However, if truth be told, I learned from this regretful experience that finding the right person to spend your life with is the best experience and the most significant accomplishment, but the right person must come at the right time to make all the difference. Although a person does not always find the right person at the wrong time, it can happen, it happened to me.

It did not take long for me to realize that he was someone who was willing to be available to me. He was always present whenever I was in need, and that went on for a long as we were together. Although he knew my feelings for him, he was still everything I needed him to be until the day he expressed that he could no longer be just my friend. He wanted more, a relationship, which was something I just couldn’t offer at that time. I believe that most of you will agree with me in saying that I should have jumped at the chance to be happy with such a wonderful man, but after losing two people I loved so dearly, I just couldn’t think of losing another person close to me. I was gun shy about love. I felt if I loved him, he would leave me too.

What I realized through the heartache I felt, which I guess is the moral of this story, I genuinely wished I was the person back then that I am today. Because if I was, I would have been mature enough to know that a relationship didn’t only fail because the person entering your life turned out to be the wrong person. It’s doomed when you aren’t the person capable of being in a loving relationship. I know I was not capable of admitting it back then but the truth is that I was not capable of love – not the way he needs to be loved by me. The fear I felt of losing him to death took a toll on me and my heart couldn't stand to such a surprise.

While some people’s tales of love and regret are not quite as heart-rending as mine, I learn a person should only accept a love that exemplifies the definition in its purest form: to love selflessly and wholeheartedly or as humanly possible, not the love of fairy tales. That's not real but it can also be the ideal love that people can be a part of. The problem may be when you do find the right person; you may not be mentally stable to commit to him or her or yet not willing to give up a part of yourself - because that is what will be needed.

Do you agree, a person can meet the right person at the wrong time so he or she may not be mentally stable to commit to him or her?

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© 2017 Pam Morris

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    • Pam Morris profile imageAUTHOR

      Pam Morris 

      11 months ago from Atlanta Georgia

      Thank you, Shyron for your reply. I think of Him a lot, but I think that ship sail. I will NEVER say we will not find our way back to each other because what's meant to be will come to reality. It's a saying that states, “If you love somebody, let them go, for if they return, they were always yours. I could have pressed the issue as I knew how to keep Him in my life, but I chose not to, I respect his wish with one thing in mind if it meant to be we a find our way back to each other.

    • Shyron E Shenko profile image

      Shyron E Shenko 

      11 months ago from Texas

      Oh Pam, this is sad but beautiful that you found such a love, and I think of a saying I heard long ago "It is better to have loved and lost then never to have loved at all!"

      The true love test, I could not answer, the answers do not fit, I have been married to my soul mate for 35 years and I almost lost him in 2005 (Count Down to a Miracle) We both knew we were made for each other from the day we met.

      If you ever get the chance to get him back, just turn him every which way but loose.

      I wish you love and happiness. Blessings my friend.

    • Pam Morris profile imageAUTHOR

      Pam Morris 

      11 months ago from Atlanta Georgia

      Thank you, Patty, for your reply, and I agree with you, it best to be alone to heal all wounds. That's the number one reason most peoples relationship doesn't work because they are not capable of being in it. They should take the time to be alone to heal; then they can enjoy and be in a relationship.

    • pattyfloren profile image

      Patty Florence 

      11 months ago from Illinois

      Thanks for this article. I'm glad that things in your life are at the point where you understand and forgive yourself for what was at the time in the wrong. I think it is understandable and most women would have probably done the same thing. Sometimes being alone heals all wounds.

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