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The Dilemma of Love and Regret: Moral Story

Updated on January 31, 2021
Pam Morris profile image

Writing is my passion. I have an undying thirst and quest in the field of writing. Some eat, drink, or use drugs when stressed; I write.

My moral story begins at the age of twenty- one when I married an outgoing guy with a big, bright smile that glows like the sunshine. A smile that not only filled my heart, but he had a personality that stood out from the crowd. He was a down-to-earth guy with a loving heart, the most kind-hearted, caring man you would ever meet.

Fate brought us together. I fell in love, and we spend a life together that most would only hope to share. He helped other people because he thought it was the right thing to do, and doing so made him happy.

The guy of my dreams. His heart was just so big that he would give his last dollar to a stranger if it helped. It was much about him that stood out, but the one thing that made him unique, and unlike anyone else, is his wonderful character that stood out from behind his big bright smile. He was glibber, resilient, and more handsome than any man to me, and I looked upon him as my ‘everything.’

Despite this, what made me impervious to pain and fear is knowing he was my protector, and being deeply loved by him gave me strength. He was and always will remain the love of my life and the only man in this world that I have never had a sense of security, placing my life in the palm of his hands.

He was someone I can easily talk to about anything, and I felt blessed. He was the guy who knew how to solve any issue that may occur in our life. The day he checked out of the Earth, my life changed forever. What a gift from God he was, and I will always remember his amiable disposition and that big, bright smile.

Whenever the storm come to raging, He knew how to turn the thunderstorm and heavy rain into a drizzle that turned into sunshine. I will NEVER forget the first time our eyes connect; I was having lunch with a girlfriend when He walks over to the table. My heart beats heavy, and that smile on his face stole my heart before I even knew His name. He Introduced himself and asked if He can pay for our lunch.

I could not speak for a moment, so my girlfriend asks him to please have a seat. It took me about ten minutes to pull myself together. When He asks me my name, my voice cracks, but I manage to speak so he can understand my name and my life as I knew it changes in a way that I felt as if I was flowing on clouds. I felt a high that no one wants to come off as it is the most beautiful feeling anyone can EVER experience.

After we met, shortly after that moment, we started dating. We began to talk every day on the phone, and from the telephone conversation, I found out we met when I was 7, and he was six, thirteen years ago. He lives next door to my Aunt, and we had a conversation where he shared with me we would be married one day. As a young girl not thinking about boys or marriage, I thought it was one crazy little boy.

Also, I learn; after he saw me having lunch with my friend, he knew it was me and had every intention of going out on a date with me. Only he had developed and grown into a handsome young man, nothing like the crazy little boy I met thirteen years ago.

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. Lao Tzu

From that conversation, I thought, make no mistake: Fairy tales do happen. What is the chance of meeting the boy who had a childhood crush on me, one I thought was crazy? To see Him again and develop something beautiful was like a dream come true for many years.

I still remembered when I was nine, I visit my aunt on the 4th of July, and we were barbecuing outside. How he used to follow me around, sharing how much he desired to give me the world. I could not see myself with someone I felt was weird and far from what I aspire to be my mate. After that, I didn’t see him until I saw him again at TGI Friday. I did not know it was Him. However, somehow, he knew me the moment he laid eyes on me sitting at the table.

A year after we started dating, we got married and shared this amazing life and two beautiful children. We experience a life many could only hope to live. Only the morning, I receive a telephone call telling me my mother was rushed to the hospital was life-changing. I could not get dressed fast enough to get in the car to visit my mother. When I came to the hospital, I learn my mother had a stroke.

There were so many thoughts going through my head as I can remember thinking how can she have a stroke, what made it come out of the blue. Especially since she just had her regular checkup and the doctor gave her a clean bill of health.

When a person seems healthy and has a way to impact the world for the better like, my mom, it’s hard to grasp how to react. It also hard to know how to think and feel. All I could think is what will I do if she doesn’t make it.

Thinking back to the last conversation we shared, I believe she knew her purpose was filled and done. And the conversation we share was her way of saying goodbye. We talk about a lot on the phone, but this conversation was one you want to cherish always.

I know I should consider that last phone call as our last connection that shows she wants me to move on with my life. Also, she wants me to stand on my own two feet, but I could not do that for many months.

Thank God for all offered my husband to me. I still remember crying on his shoulder on many nights as he made me feel better like everything would be okay. It wasn’t easy, but I bounce back to live life as my mother would want when a little over two years later, the same tragedy happens.

This time my husband falls out the bed shaking; I was scared out of my mind. Call 911, they rushed him to the hospital to learn he had a heart attack. How does a person continue living life when the same tragedy has occurred yet again and with no warning?

Love is the master key that opens the gates of happiness, of hatred, of jealousy, and, most easily of all, the gate of fear. Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.

Losing my husband broke my heart as He was not ill and showed no signs that he was ready to be called home, just like my mother. I knew he was a workaholic and put a lot of time into helping others. But he did everything right to live a healthy life.

I felt He was overdoing it, but helping others was His passion, and I could not make him slow down. When the doctor told me my husband passed away, I could not believe my ears. I said. “What?” He repeated I’m sorry your husband did not make it, and I scream ‘No.’

I attempted to walk out of the room to get some fresh air because I felt overheated, but I passed out before I could walk out of the room. I’m not entirely sure how long I was unconscious and unaware of my whereabouts, but when I regained consciousness, my sister kept trying to ensure me that everything will be all right, but I knew it would not, and I felt “hurt.”

I never felt so alone in my life. And I can remember thinking. “Now, how will I be able to live just me? I did not know how I would continue to exist, and I genuinely needed Jesus. I remembered feeling entirely and incredibly emotional and considering how this could have happened again.

No one person should feel so much pain. Most of all, I thought I would be next, and my husband’s death would be the end of me. My heartfelt as if it would never love again, but you know that despite how much hurt you’ve been through, there’s always a special guy out there who will find you, waiting to heal all the pain that you have.

Unconditional love really exists in each of us. It is part of our deep inner being. It is not so much an active emotion as a state of being. It's not 'I love you' for this or that reason, not 'I love you if you love me.' It's love for no reason, love without an object. Ram Dass

My Moral Story of Love and Regret: Almost a year after losing my husband, I meet this guy, a gem of a person; if it had only been at a different time, we might have spent an eternity together. He was everything a girl like me could want in a man.

This guy was an extraordinary “idea man” one who is believed to only exist in a happily ever after story, the ‘knight in shining armor’ type of fellow. But it was too soon, my heart had not healed, and I had this feeling deep down: everything I love will leave me.

Therefore, I was incapable of love, and I allowed him to get away. If only I could love another. Before I broke up with a guy so significant in my life. If only I had met him at a different time, I believe my life would of comprise everything I ever wished for. He continually guides me back toward the right direction whenever I wander off approaching the wrong path.

We meet at a retail store I was working at, and I was working the front end as the customer service manager. I made sure the cashier had money and change in the register. Also, I handle any problem that occurs. I even made sure they didn’t have too much money in the register. I requested backup cashiers to help when the lines were already too long.

This fantastic man came through the checkout line I assisting with change. When I walk away to talk to the customer service desk. He walks up to me and asks for my number. I did not reply; I continue to the customer service desk, and he walks up to me, and we talk. I gave him my number and said we talk when I have more time. He called several times, but I work long hours as a manager, so I could not speak with him until the third time he called.

After we finally talk, he assists me in getting over a year of agonizing and depression. After meeting this extraordinary man whom I felt an attraction for immediately after our eyes met each other. I think he felt the same way because he refuses to accept, “No.”

However, despite all that was going on in my life. He was the type of guy that could love deeply, wholly, and prodigiously. Shortly after we talk, he helped me realize that no matter how many storms a person has weathered, they still have a choice to excel, and they can even decide to take a chance at love.

From that, I went out on a date with him. We hit it off immediately. Following that, we speak practically every day. What is more, he encouraged and assisted me in every way imaginable. He supported me as I went back to college to supplement my degree and further my career.

But most of all, he helped me realize that despite everything, love can be a complicated matter in anyone’s life, and no matter how much a person has been through, they can also trust their heart and follow it courageously. At first, there was a lot of uncertainty. But he led me to believe that no matter what happens, all will be well. After the first date, it soon became apparent that he was no ordinary guy.

We both work many long hours during the week and some Saturday, so we spend a few weekdays together, but we spend every Sunday together. Some Sunday, we would sit cuddling together watching Jackie Gleason on the Honeymooner.

It was an old movie that made little sense to me at first, but after watching it with Him for a while, it became our movie, and I look forward to watching it with Him. He sometimes goes to a unique event that we can enjoy together like, a boat cruise with a celebrity like the O Jays or Luther Vandross.

He was a D J, and he had almost any CD you might imagine. I didn’t know this at first, but the music was one of his passion. As well, He loves to play chess, and he was very good at it. It was a game that comprises strategies and using your brain.

Six months after we share our life, I stomped my toe and broke it. So, I was off work for months, almost a year. I was receiving Worker comp, and He knew it, but He was a wonderful guy. He came to my house to see what I need and assist me.

He surprises me with a traveler’s check for three thousand dollars and asks me were that enough for the month. It was higher than enough. He also came into the house with bags of groceries, and it was the food I loved. Whenever I felt sad or had problems in life, He would call like he knew I needed Him.

After all, he was loving and patient with me. He even waits for so many years for me. However, if truth be told, I learned from this regretful experience that finding the right person to spend your life with is the best thing experience and the most significant accomplishment, but the right person must come at the right time to make all the difference.

Although a person can find the right person at the wrong time, it can happen. It happened to me. It did not take long for me to realize that he was someone who will be available to me. He was always present whenever I was in need, and that went on many years.

Even though he knew my feelings for him, he was still everything I needed him to be until the day he expressed he could no longer be just my friend.

He wanted more, a relationship, which was something I just couldn’t offer. I believe that most of you will agree with me in saying that I should have jumped at the chance to be happy with such a wonderful man, but after losing two people I loved so dearly, I just couldn’t think of losing another person close to me. I was gun shy from love. I felt if I loved him, he would leave me too.

What I realized through the heartache I felt, which I guess is the moral of this story, I genuinely wished I was the person back then that I am today. Because if I was. I would have been mature enough to know that a relationship failed not only because the person entering your life turned out to be the wrong person.

It’s doomed when you aren’t the person capable of being in a loving relationship. I know I was not capable of admitting it back then, but I was not capable of love – not the way he needs to be loved by me. The fear I felt of losing him to death took a toll on me, and my heart couldn’t stand such a surprise.

While some people’s tales of love and regret are not quite as heart-rending as mine. I learn a person should only accept a love that exemplifies the definition in its purest form: to love selflessly and wholeheartedly or as humanly possible, not the love of fairy tales.

That’s not real, but it can also be the ideal love that people can be a part of. The problem may be when you find the right person; you may not be mentally stable to commit to him or her or yet not willing to give up a part of yourself - because that is what they will need.

Do you agree, a person can meet the right person at the wrong time so he or she may not be mentally stable to commit to him or her?

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Nelly - Dilemma ft. Kelly Rowland

© 2017 Pam Morris


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    • Pam Morris profile imageAUTHOR

      Pam Morris 

      3 years ago from Atlanta Georgia

      Thank you, Shyron for your reply. I think of Him a lot, but I think that ship sail. I will NEVER say we will not find our way back to each other because what's meant to be will come to reality. It's a saying that states, “If you love somebody, let them go, for if they return, they were always yours. I could have pressed the issue as I knew how to keep Him in my life, but I chose not to, I respect his wish with one thing in mind if it meant to be we a find our way back to each other.

    • Shyron E Shenko profile image

      Shyron E Shenko 

      3 years ago from Texas

      Oh Pam, this is sad but beautiful that you found such a love, and I think of a saying I heard long ago "It is better to have loved and lost then never to have loved at all!"

      The true love test, I could not answer, the answers do not fit, I have been married to my soul mate for 35 years and I almost lost him in 2005 (Count Down to a Miracle) We both knew we were made for each other from the day we met.

      If you ever get the chance to get him back, just turn him every which way but loose.

      I wish you love and happiness. Blessings my friend.

    • Pam Morris profile imageAUTHOR

      Pam Morris 

      3 years ago from Atlanta Georgia

      Thank you, Patty, for your reply, and I agree with you, it best to be alone to heal all wounds. That's the number one reason most peoples relationship doesn't work because they are not capable of being in it. They should take the time to be alone to heal; then they can enjoy and be in a relationship.

    • pattyfloren profile image

      Patty Florence 

      3 years ago from Illinois

      Thanks for this article. I'm glad that things in your life are at the point where you understand and forgive yourself for what was at the time in the wrong. I think it is understandable and most women would have probably done the same thing. Sometimes being alone heals all wounds.


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