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The Emptiness in a Marriage

Updated on November 8, 2016

Marry for Better or Worse

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Why the Emptiness in a Marriage?

Years move on, and you wonder what went wrong in your relationship, and in the actual marriage itself.

A problem for both partners and who fail to understand about each other.

  • An example as follows:

A couple married for over twenty years, and for ten years of their marriage, everything felt like a dream.

The ''so-called,'' perfect marriage was going well they enjoyed themselves going out together. Their special days were spent with real meaning and were not forgotten so easily.

Apart from showing appreciation for each other, they had a fair understanding of their needs.

Eleven years later all that just disappeared into thin air.

The birthdays, anniversaries, or other special days go by without a second thought. He feels such days don't matter anymore, and looks at these days as just another day gone by.

While she feels these days still do require a special attention, like in the past but when the two people are hardly on the same page that can complicate any relationship.

The little things make a difference in a marriage. In this marriage it is mostly about the same old routine.

He has taken their marriage for granted, and the more she sees this the more she feels lonely in her first and only marriage.

The years have changed him he is much older and in a different phase of his life.

She is much younger, and is still in her phase of being pampered, or pleased with a kiss or touch that no longer exists between them.

It is a difficult situation because no matter how much she tries to work out the reasons for what is actually going on, he does not see it her way.

His schedule does not concern her and neither does her schedule concern him.

Two people who once before led such a happy life have become withdrawn from each other.

Their interests are gone separate ways.

Communication has failed in many ways.

  • Do you think being married to a good person is good enough?

  • Do you want more from your partner than just their goodness?

She has tried on numerous occasions to talk about what has changed in their marriage, he does not take heed to what she has to say.

  • All he can say is ''I can't give you that life’’ or ''I can't change the way things are.''

Words are cold, and hurtful to her she expected a good life together unfortunately, between them there is nothing left to talk about anymore.

They sit in silence like two strangers in a room, when their alone time should be about their time together, not even that can work anymore.

The silence kills her good moods.

At one time their special times together meant happiness, now it is about two different people with two different minds.

The plans are not the same.

He does not share any good news with her before it has been first shared with others.

Years ago they could not wait to tell each other the great news of the day, in this case all of that has fallen away leaving her to feel empty inside.

What she once knew about him does not show in this life.

The romance has completely died out. They are now living like friends. They sleep more than arms length away from each other on their double-bed.

He does not take the time to be with her and enjoy himself.

He prefers to be with other people, and the too much alone time they have spent from each other has brought on this emptiness between them.

The marriage is part of his previous marriage.

The repetition of the same mistakes from before and in the process ruining a good marriage.

A man who thinks only of himself will find it hard to focus on the needs of others.

He does not spoil her with any gifts. No matter how big, or small that has no way of getting to her side. He does not take her anywhere.

To him it is an expensive deal to go out for a once in a while dinner, to buy her flowers on their anniversary, to go out for a drink, or to go anywhere that requires payment.

If a neighbor invites them to supper he will accept the invitation only because it is free.

The emptiness in this marriage has grown for a while, and the saddest part of this marriage is the husband does not understand her needs.

The wife sees it, and has has analyzed it. She knows there is not much to be happy in her marriage.

Marriages are challenging, and requires patience living in a fairy tale world can destroy the reality of life in a relationship.

It takes two to tango, and both hands to clap. If one hand is trying to clap while the other is not in action, then there is not much to play with in this game.

Marriages are about commitment, and if you have a second marriage, avoid repeating the same mistakes in your second marriage.

Avoid comparing her with your first wife.

She is nothing like his first wife but after a disagreement he sees her that way.

  • Do you think all women are same in relationships?

In his first marriage he traveled to many places and enjoyed their time together.

After their divorce he started of with a new marriage and with a new person and just repeated all the same habits.

This is what caused the poor communication. It is hard to get through one’s mind when they are stuck in the past life.

''She is doing exactly what my ex-wife has been doing in the past.''

  • What makes a marriage work?

Communication is key, commitment, respect, love, trust, and faithfulness too has

In this case the married couple have not cheated on each other. They love each other, and even though there is that sign of emptiness their feelings for each other won't fade.

No marriage is perfect, but if only he could see what he has caused in her life.

She is old enough to know right from wrong or good from bad, and has not asked him for anything he can't afford to give her.

All she wants from him is his time.

He has not once taken the time to show her his appreciation, maybe things would slightly improve if he made the time.

Instead, he encourages others to travel and enjoy themselves while he does not make the changes that would give his wife pure satisfaction or a chance to their marriage.

The emptiness in a marriage can happen to anyone and it can be difficult to put together the bits and pieces of the lost puzzle you don't where to start or end.

The hopes and dreams you have fade once you don't have anything to discuss.

You can try to make sense of it all, and won't get to what started all the frustration. Light disagreements often lead to aggressive arguments.

Such situations can destroy you emotionally, and physically.

It can make you feel drained out of your energy.

The energy you have can leave you faster and make you feel most lonely. and less communicative.

It is like when you have no escape from all that is going on.

The good thing about their marriage, it is not a loveless marriage. They do have something to stay together for and won't depart till death do them part. Their lives are different but at the end of the day they do have a little to talk about. The emptiness will still be alive.

A marriage that requires working together from both sides.

The sacrifices made are from one side only. The lack of team work is a problem in this marriage.

  • What makes a good marriage does not show in this marriage.

Emptiness in Marriages

What Causes the Emptiness in Marriages?

See results

Failure in Marriages

Bad marriages

I write to inform my readers of new ideas.
I write to inform my readers of new ideas. | Source

© 2014 Devika Primić

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    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      tobusiness interesting about his line, ''However; where there's love there's hope'' Thank you for commenting.

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Hi Nadine well mentioned thank you for sharing your valuable comment son my hubs .

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Hi Nell thank you so true about ''a touch and so on can make the difference, when to walk away is the problem,''

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      AudreyHowitt, ''most successful marriages are those where the partners keep on finding each other--'' well said and so correct thank you

    • tobusiness profile image

      Jo Alexis-Hagues 3 years ago from Bedfordshire, U.K

      Devika, I think this couple should take a step back and remember why they fell in love in the first place. It is so easy to take each other for granted and as you said, they love each other and always will. I think the husband needs a wake up call, he need to see that he may lose the best thing that has ever happened to him, if he can't, then he is a fool and she may well be better off without him. However; where there's love there's hope.

    • Nadine May profile image

      Nadine May 3 years ago from Cape Town, Western Cape, South Africa

      A very good post DDE. Communication ,respect, trust and giving support to each other is the key. It helps if couples have a common interest. Like the same things. Not all marriages are meant to be: until death do us part. We learn the most about ourselves when we are in a partnership. Our partners are our best teachers, even if the relationship was a difficult one.

    • Nell Rose profile image

      Nell Rose 3 years ago from England

      Sometimes a marriage becomes really bad because they drift apart, and somehow cannot find there way back, its so sad really, because as you said just a few words, a touch and so on can make the difference, when to walk away is the problem, nell

    • AudreyHowitt profile image

      Audrey Howitt 3 years ago from California

      This touched me--it is so hard to find the time and desire sometimes to stay together over the long haul and to love and enjoy each other--it really is daily attention and enjoyment with each other that seems to make a difference for me--I recall a person that I respect said once--that the most successful marriages are those where the partners keep on finding each other--

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      gypsumgirl you made good points her especially, ''Maintaining the relationship at an intimate level is the difficult part. It takes two.'' Thank you for sharing your thoughts.

    • gypsumgirl profile image

      gypsumgirl 3 years ago from Vail Valley, Colorado

      I think the most important thing that people can do to fill the emptiness is to make sure they continue to build memories together. They don't have to be daily, but regularity is the key. Maintaining the relationship at an intimate level is the difficult part. It takes two...

      I also agree that communication is the most important factor in a relationship.

      Thanks for an insightful piece.

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      grand old lady from Philippines so kind of you to come by here, well said and thought of the marriage is worth saving. Thank you.

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Hi Faith thank you very much for stopping by have a lovely day

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Minnetonka Twin, well said so right on and with great meaning thank you for sharing your thoughts on this topic.

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      billys1 you said perfectly thank you have a lovely day.

    • grand old lady profile image

      Mona Sabalones Gonzalez 3 years ago from Philippines

      I think renegotiation, communication and acceptance are all very important. This is because people can only change to some degree, but if you accept that in your partner, you will know what is a reliable degree of change you can expect, and will be willing to compromise. I think if you're old you should really work on making marriage meaningful, loving and respectful because when you're ill you will be there for each other. Of course, you must have your non-negotiables, such as abuse. Aside from your non-negotiables, if you've gotten this far with your partner, the marriage is really worth saving.

    • Faith Reaper profile image

      Faith Reaper 3 years ago from southern USA

      It does happen, sadly. It is so important to keep the communication going and not take one another for granted over the years, as one could very well find that they are in a lonely marriage indeed.

      Blessings,

      Faith Reaper

    • Minnetonka Twin profile image

      Linda Rogers 3 years ago from Minnesota

      Such a sad tale here DDE-the problem with this marriage brings to mind an old saying-"you can bring a horse to water, but you can't make him drink." If he doesn't see the problem and is not willing to work things out, she should move on. She is important and deserves fulfillment and love.

    • profile image

      billys1 3 years ago from "Somewhere", USA

      I would add an "All of the above" category to the poll above.

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      kidscrafts ''It seems that with technology people get more distant of each other; everybody is in his or her little world and doesn't pay attention to the other... I think that's one of the breaking point!'' Well mentioned I agree with your comment so kind of you to leave such a valuable comment. Your made a clear point to the problem. Thank you.

    • kidscrafts profile image

      kidscrafts 3 years ago from Ottawa, Canada

      I think the secrets of a good marriage are being attentive to the other and communication. Life shouldn't become a routine; we have to renew ourself along the way but always keep in mind our partner and our family. It seems that with technology people get more distant of each other; everybody is in his or her little world and doesn't pay attention to the other... I think that's one of the breaking point!

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Vellur teamwork is another aspect that holds a marriage together thank you for commenting.

    • Vellur profile image

      Nithya Venkat 3 years ago from Dubai

      The lack of teamwork is definitely one of the causes for break up of a marriage. Making a marriage work involves a lot of give and take. Great hub.

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      ubanichijioke it is not about the wrong or the right person it is about communication and understanding people grow and change all the time interesting comment from you thank you.

    • ubanichijioke profile image

      Alexander Thandi Ubani 3 years ago from Lagos

      sad! sad! sad! However, i think the problem should not be one sided. It is problem of both sexes. I pray never to marry the wrong person. I'd rather remain single than be in a marriage that brings me pain.

      good write!

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Jodah thank you for the vote up your true words here makes a difference. Thank you very much.

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      My Cook Book thank you very much

    • DDE profile image
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      Devika Primić 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Jackwms you are so right people grow and change and find their new paths well mentioned thank you for visiting my hub I appreciate your time.

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Hi billybuc thank you for commenting on my-hubs your thoughts are welcome.

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      FlourishAnyway it is sad indeed and this couple can turn things around well said thank you for commenting.

    • Jodah profile image

      John Hansen 3 years ago from Queensland Australia

      Wonderful hub DDE, and so true of many relationships. Marriage is give and take, and mostly compromise. Good communication is the key, and as Bill said, not to stress and argue over trivial matters. I love this line, "It takes two to tango and both hands to clap and if one hand is trying to clap while the other is not in action then there is not much to play with in this game". Well done, voted up.

    • My Cook Book profile image

      Dil Vil 3 years ago from India

      A must read hub this is, thank you my friend :)

    • Jackwms profile image

      Jackwms 3 years ago

      Take this from an old man (78 years) who has been married twice for long duration. My first marriage lasted 26 years, during which we had many good times and raised 4 sons. Around the age of 45, my wife went to work to support the college expenses of our sons. She was still quite attractive and received much male attention in this new environment. Both men and women tend to go through this mid life crisis period, but, in either case, I believe one or both begin feeling their mortality and feel they are missing out on a part of their lives. In my case, my wife found another partner and decided to separate. People tend to change and go through "passages" in their lives. They develop new friends, new interests, and new directions. It's hard to take for the one jilted, but it just seems to be the way of life today/

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 3 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Your one sentence "the little things make the difference" is right on. Stop spending so much time on the unimportant matters of life and concentrate on your loved ones...seems so simple to me.

    • FlourishAnyway profile image

      FlourishAnyway 3 years ago from USA

      Very sad, but I bet many people have felt this way. It's tough knowing when to call it quits. Sometimes you might be surprised how a marriage can turn around if partners are willing.