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Oops, The Not So Much End of He Wears Panties

Updated on December 31, 2009

With the beginning of 2010, I've decided to stop writing about men who wear women's clothing. (Well, I had, I've slightly changed my mind, because I tried stopping for a week and it was boring, so I might just continue. I'm allowed to flip flop, I'm a writer not a war president.) Still though, the rest of this article has validness in it that you might find of interest, so read on if you're so incline.

I do have some thoughts I'd like to share with you if you're inclined to read them. My last articles were about, as I called it, 'The Lie of Femininity'. It's a lie that many people encourage, and indeed, that many men who wear women's clothing aspire to. It's not a real kind of femininity, the kind of femininity that requires a woman be painted and be clothed in usually wildly uncomfortable clothing that. It's a false parody of femininity.

Whether you're a man wearing a thong and heels, or a woman putting on a push up bra and lipstick, you're striving for a false ideal. Now there's nothing wrong with that if you have fun with it. It's absolutely fine for all genders to engage in a great game of dress up and hyper femininity. It's not fine to regard make up and clothing as the pinnacle of human achievement however.

If you are looking for a partner in life, beware of women who spend all their time in the hyper feminine zone. Yes, I know they are attractive, pretty butterflies, I know many of you aspire to be just like them. However women who are trapped in the mindset that says they must be pretty and feminine are usually, (not always, I'll admit, but I would say quite often,) looking for the man to match. See that word there? The man. They don't want a man who wears women's clothing, because they've heavily invested in being hyper feminine which means that you have to be hyper masculine.

So then, men who wear women's clothing, you have a challenge before you. Can you open your minds and embrace women who are organically, naturally feminine, women who understand dressing up and wearing make up for what it is, a fun diversion, but not the be all and end all of life? Or will you continue to be trapped in a cycle like moths to a flame, bumping up against anything in a ridiculously short skirt and silly high heels, women who seem so feminine, but are in reality terrified of not being thought feminine enough, women who trade on their femininity and therefore require men hopelessly mired in the sort of tired masculinity you men find so repulsive?

Fate, as Morpheus observed, has a sense of irony. Prejudices remain towards men who wear women's clothing, but equally powerful prejudices often exist in the minds of men who admire femininity to the point where they confuse it for being pretty face paint and sparkles and skirts. Overcome the prejudices within, and you may find more freedom than you had ever imagined.

Enjoy your lingerie, your make up, your dresses and skirts, but let them free you, do not become a slave to them and don't let them blind you to the beauty that is real femininity.


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    • profile image

      Stiubhart 8 years ago

      Please don't stop. intelligent comment on this subject is rare and needs nurturing.

    • profile image

      Sherman 8 years ago

      We need your continued--if reduced--participation in this topic. It is not backsliding to maintain friendships and nurturing even while you pursue new directions.

      Through your contributions and those of your many mentored readers/responders many of us have come to accept our personalities and preferences in healthier ways. Maturity comes through recognizing who we are as well as who our acquaintances, friends and family truly are. You have helped many of us accept our preferences for lighter, smoother, more stylish, more comfortable underwear. There are a vast number of men who have yet to discover this website for their psychological health. Couples would do well to consider your contributions as well as those of a few other mature hub hosts on related topics.

      Thank you. Keep up the good. You are promoting grace and understanding.


    • profile image

      Sherman 8 years ago

      Thanks for all your hub contributions! You are encouraging, calming, and an enlightening mature voice. Please keep helping us swim through these cultural waters.

      I began wearing panties regularly about ten years ago. I purchased sale items and loved the support and lighter feel. I added more. I realized my appreciation for 'women's' panties harkened back to my childhood when I had tried one of my mom's lace trimmed nylon pettipants. I have gotten over the quilt and decry our culture's assumption that males must wear bulky cotton with oversized elastic. I have over 50 panties (bikini, high-cut, full/retro briefs and a few thongs) as well as camisoles economically purchased from large department stores. Vanity Fair, Jockey, Barely There, Bali. It is amazing the number of males providing positive insights appreciating qualities of lingerie in the 'customer comments' of specific products on the websites of major department stores. These significant public posts I believe speak for many others who wear panties etc but who do not post. I have very nice full or half slips and pettipants in excellent condition from thrift stores on bargain days. Many of these are high quality, ornately trimmed, and originally quite expensive. I have recently also ventured in public wearing a bra--A, B and C cups with suitable padding. I have found freedom and self-confidence recognizing this quality of my personality. I am on the verge of venturing out in skirt or dress--and pursuing high heels (to fit my size 12s).

      Your contributions as well as those of your readers/responders are supportive and promote understanding. We continue loving your perpective along with others in these hubpages which nurture us.

    • Hope Alexander profile image

      Hope Alexander 8 years ago

      It was indeed, entirely shameful backsliding :)

    • profile image

      Scotty 8 years ago

      Dear Hope,

      Write what you like. It's the same as "wear what you like".

      I see that you've "backslid" the last couple days, but that's OK (and welcome as far as I'm concerned).

      Were you to write no more about guys and their panties, your hubs would still be the seed pearls for much thought and understanding.

    • profile image

      magleo 8 years ago

      Dear Ms. Alexander,

      I have been an avid follower of your writing and wanted you to know how much your column and voice of reason concerning men and lingerie has meant to me. Your columns have shown an uncanny ability that has helped put this subject into perspective. A subject that I feel is far more widespread then anyone in our society is willing to admit.

      I will miss your thoughts on the subject but respect your need to move forward with your journalism and explore new territories. Change is a part of life, so often we hold on to the past so long that our careers grow stale and stagnant. You are so right when you say that dressing is not the pinnacle of life.

      I admire you for your courage in stepping out of the mainstream and my thoughts and prayers will be with you as you move forward. I will continue to follow your blogs and I wish you well. Again thank you for your writings these past two years and good look.

    • profile image

      Michelle 8 years ago

      Thanks for all your help and encouragement! I willl miss your helpful articles and insight! Hugs and good luck in what ever you do!

    • profile image

      Hopefan 8 years ago

      Hope - your thoughts on men wearing lingerie gave me confidence and courage. I've recently shared my long held naughty secret with my wife of a dozen years and - low and behold -- she not only accepts my fetish, but she's able to enjoy it with me. Hmmm - I guess she accepts ME. Thank you for your advice; I don't think I could have done it without it.

      My thing for panties and bras didn't really make sense to me until I read your blogs and read the responses from so many of your fans. Thank you for that.

      And thank you for your fantastic writing, for your voice. Energetic, honest, smart and with just the right edge. After surfing around on this sight I started realizing just how unique your voice is - I think I could pick you out of a writing line-up any day. And yes, I'll continue to follow you into any new topics.

      Finally, thanks for writing me personally. It felt especially good to know that you're really a real person - and, if I might add, so ultra cool.

    • profile image

      Cyndie_D 8 years ago

      Dear Hope,

      Thanks for all you have said in these articles. You have a wonderfully open way of explaining that there is more than one side to a subject. So many people seem to think that it is "my way or the highway" without every trying to understand where the other person is in there life. You seem to look for the unique facets of what ever life presents to you and that is refreshing in today's culture.

      Thanks again, and I look forward to seeing what new subjects you discover in you writing journey.


    • profile image

      Mikki-Maine 8 years ago


      Like all good things, I suppose it is time for you to move on to different topics and issues. I wish you well in everything you endeavour and have confidence you will continue to shine a light into the dim spaces where most of us hide our true selves. You have offered me several things over the past year or so I have been one of your readers (and sometimes commenter): good advice on lingerie and clothing, good advice on what NOT to wear, but mostly you have offered a rational voice that helps to unwind the Gordian knot of this topic. The conundrum that is feminine expressing males is not a single issue, rather it's a complex condition with many causes and contributions and one which we can't walk away from or change for any length of time - it's who we are and part of our life. I believe you helped me to assemble these points in my mind and as a result have become more comfortable that I am not an anomoly, but just another human.

      Go forward in your life with grace,


    • bearclawmedia profile image

      bearclawmedia 8 years ago from Mining Planet Earth

      What a beautifully written farewell to a genre probably created by you, to be copied by many. It is a pity that some speak without thinking or knowing all the facts because everyone's words ripple and affect. You are a big, big star, shining brightly on the hub pages. Just my opinion.

    • profile image

      Suzy31 8 years ago

      I echo many of the comments above. I found your hub only a couple of months ago but it has been a real pleasure. I am amazed at how much you have been able to write on men wearing women's clothing, and with such a blinding regularity. As Cantsay said (isn't that a paradox?), I hope you will grace us with any thoughts you may have in the future on this subject, from a well you seem to think has dried up.

      Good luck!

    • profile image

      Bob 8 years ago

      I have only had the opportunity to read your prose the last couple of months, but I have really enjoyed it and you have been right on the mark most of the time. Your acceptance of a guy in lingerie and your thoughts and ideas about that subject have been a joy to read. I will be going back to the archives to read what I missed! Best wishes for continued growth, understanding and having a good time.


    • TIMWILLIAMS profile image

      TIMWILLIAMS 8 years ago

      Hi Hope: Merry Christ and Happy New Year: I enjoyed most of your hubs-stories your wrote on Hub Pages about men wearing womens clothing such as bras, panties etc. I will miss the stories since you decide to discontinue writing in 2010. I have made many comments in your hubs that I do wear womens panties and bras all the time and I still wear the bras and panties and I will continue too. I also wear earrings and I wear nail polish too on both my fingernails and toenails too. I recalled you wrote a couple hubs regarding these topics as well. Do you know of any good sites where I can visit about men wearing womens panties and bras and stuff like that. I like to know. I wish you would still continue to write hubs about men wearing womens lingerie. If you decide to quit like you say, OK. I do suggest to you, perhaps to write hubs about men wearing nail polish and getting manicures/pedicures and wearing jewelry like earrings. I am sure these hubs may be popular too.

      Well take care.

    • profile image

      Zeta 8 years ago

      Just another one who thanks you for your intelligent and good-humoured take on our hobby - or obsession.

      I'll certainly miss your wit, wisdom and clear-sighted observations.

    • Hope Alexander profile image

      Hope Alexander 8 years ago

      Thank you again, I am not leaving. I'll still post here, but most of the stuff will probably be product oriented, because Hub Pages just works best for that sort of material. If you want to know what else I am up to is my main site.

    • profile image

      Cantsay 8 years ago

      Maybe you can pop back on this topic once in a while and tell us your thoughts. They will be missed and have been very much enjoyed! Thanks Hope!

    • profile image

      GoneNylon 8 years ago


      You're an excellent writer and writer's write. It may seem rather obvious, but for those who don't, it isn't. You have shown repeatedly that while you address this topic better than anyone on the interwebtubes, it is far from the sum and substance of your talents.

      You also do great work critiquing right-wing authoritarianism. You are far from a one-trick pony.

      On this particular topic, you have been at your best when you address what's under the under-dressing. Those particular essays have dared go places few others do. For that, and the discussion it engendered, I thank you.

      Happy Christmas, Hope, and I'll keep an eye on the other things you produce.

    • profile image

      Melanie 8 years ago

      Thanks so much for your writings. Like many others, you have helped me feel comfortable being myself--not being defined by how I dress, but rather by who I am. I love the woman within me and will feel free to let her develop over time, due in large part to your writings. Melanie

    • profile image

      Pinehurst 8 years ago

      Miss you already.You make a lot of sense. We need to stay focused on one another and have fun with the rest when its time.Pop in now and then.

    • profile image

      allen 8 years ago

      dear hope i read all of your articles an i must say u leaving to me is very sad i will truly miss u an i hope your life is a good one you are very smart an understanding take care big hugs from a friend

    • profile image

      chevy34_00 8 years ago

      Thank you Hope for each of your articles. Have a Merry Christmas and best wishes for 2010. I look forward to the different articles which you will be posting. Sincerely, chevy34_00 (Ted)

    • Hope Alexander profile image

      Hope Alexander 8 years ago

      Thanks you guys, I hope some of you, if you're inclined to, start your own blogs and write your own articles. Your voices are much more important than mine ever was :) You've been brilliant and amazing to write for. I'll still be about the place, just not boring you with the French Fashion Revolution and how wonderful stockings are :D

    • profile image

      Deke 8 years ago

      I'll miss you and your writing.

      Thank you and take care, God Bless.

    • profile image

      Elizabeth 8 years ago

      I've enjoyed your wonderful articles. Thanks sweetie!

    • profile image

      ILoveLingerie 8 years ago

      The world is coming to an end, is it 2012 yet? ;)

      I want to thank you for all the great articles you have written for us in the past.

      This last one is truly inspiring as well. We need to value the actual people not their image.

      One more thing: I hope you will fill us in on future projects of yours.

      Thank you for everything,


    • profile image

      Phil 8 years ago

      Great post Hope. Thanks for all your writing. You have helped myself and legions of other guys become more comfortable with who we really are.


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