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The Evolution of a Marriage

Updated on February 28, 2015

Our Love

kisses in the fall
kisses in the fall
murder / suicide
murder / suicide

Winter 2015

Marriage is hard. This is not a revelation. This is not a new concept.
It's not all hard. It's not always hard. But make no mistake, it is HARD.
Some days it is, "I'm annoyed at the sound of your voice" hard. Other days it is, "I want to punch you in your throat" hard. And even some days are the, "Why did I get married?" hard. Maybe these thoughts or feelings don't last for the whole day, it may fall upon you in minutes or moments. But I promise you that if you are married, you WILL experience the "hardness" of it.
This does not mean you do not love your husband/wife/family. It means YOU ARE HUMAN.
The person that you are; the people that you and your husband or wife are on the day that you are married, are NOT the people you will become in one, five, ten, or twenty years. You will expand your family... or not. You will find a new home, or job, or lifestyle... or not. No matter what you do or do not do, you will evolve into a different person. You may be far off from where you started, or you might just be a couple shades off where you were on the day you said "I Do."
I completely love my husband. We have been married now for over 7 years. I cannot picture my life without him... wether this is due to our fated, divine destiny of married existence together, or my lack of imagination, I am not always sure. But for better or worse, he is my heart. We re-met ten years after graduating from high school and our love just clicked. Like sappy movie, kissing in the airport like no one else in the world exists, falling asleep with each other on speaker phone from states away (only free nights and weekends of course), goosebumps at the thought of his face and dampness at the thought of his touch, clicked.
This is not to say our marriage is not hard in the ways I have indicated previously. We had the obligatory honeymoon period, the adjustment to the "real" world period, the infertility and miscarriage years, the med student who is never home years, the we just got a puppy (now 100b dog), the disconnect unless we are having sex period,... oh wait we haven't had sex in months, and many other lovely, crazy periods.
My husband and I had times after our second child that we were not just on the same page, we were not even in the same book!
We have lived and loved one another when life was shit and love was sparse. But when you get down to the real love that envelopes the lives that we lead, it is not about the picture perfect moments that we can tag on a facebook page; it is about the unexpected kisses, the deep chuckles that our kids evoke, and the instances when I/we acknowledge the crazy, beautiful life that surrounds us and drink it in...and breathe it in...and savor the goodness of our every day existence. At the end of it all, if the kids are still alive and reasonably happy, if we can look at one another and find the roots of our love, if we can forgive ourselves for not being who we thought we'd be or where we thought we'd be... then we are doing good.
Marriage is the hardest, greatest, most annoying, sexiest, most beautiful adventure I've embarked on in my 36 years of life on this planet. It constantly redefines my assumptions of self and others. The tiny people created from my union with my husband create and re-create my existence on a daily basis. I strive to be a better version of my old self, a sweeter, stronger, more passionate woman who is worthy of the person who swore his life to me, and of the beautiful souls my body somehow created.
I have compromised who I am and who I thought I wanted to be...but life has redefined both of those expectations for me.
I love and am the end of the day, is there a much better feeling than that?


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