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The Ex May Be Trying To Save You
Why Won't She Listen?
To set the record straight, there are always two sides to every story. That being said, ladies, there is something that we need to discuss. When the ex of your significant other tells you that the man you are with is abusive, selfish, lazy, addicted to drugs, and very, very good at knowing how to manipulate, please listen! Yes, there is always the chance that she is being a trash-talking, bitter, lying, jealous, you-know-what.
Then again, she may just be trying to save you the heartache, not to mention the physical pain, that she went through. When in doubt, ask around. He and his family may have hid the evidence pretty well but there is always somebody who knows. Neighbors who hear the screams, friends who know his habits, friends who have seen her bruises, co-workers, school faculty who have talked to the kids, police officers who have come out to the house, there is always somebody who knows something.
If you are uncomfortable asking around or feel you do not need to, think about that nagging little voice way back in your head. You know it’s there, you want to ignore it, you do ignore it, but it’s still there. You know you saw something there, you know you heard something else in what he said, but still, you ignore it. He has not actually done anything. He is still saying all the right things, nothing offensive or overt. But still…..
Let us explore an actual example, shall we? My ex-husband is my ex because he used drugs, got violent, and lost more jobs than he looked for let alone got. His failure to honor his commitment to me and our children made me realize that there was nothing resembling a real man in him and so I left. Since then, he has remarried. Before they moved in together, in the last house we lived in, even his parents tried to warn her. Eventually she even managed to convince them that the rehab worked and he was reformed. After a while even I began to wonder if maybe this woman had what it took to keep him straight.
The only problem was that he was still only talking to his children in radical spurts and when he did, he made promises that sounded very familiar. Also familiar, he failed to keep those promises. Various conversations with him and his parents revealed other similarities to the man I knew, the dishonorable one. My warnings of an impending rebound were dismissed. Calling him out on certain tell-tale signs and voicing my concerns was like beating my head against a brick wall; completely pointless and painful.
Recently I discovered that my instincts were spot-on, he has been using again. But he is reformed, mind you. He has been hitting her, too. But he is not that man anymore. Nope, he is a better man now. That’s why he is going BACK to rehab, AA, and anger management. That’s right, I said ‘back’. Clearly it worked so well for him the last time around. And how about that talking to his family thing? That works, too. Yes, indeed. Let us not alert the authorities about his criminal behavior, no, the family is much better equipped to handle him. These kinds of domestic issues are family matters after all, the law need not be involved. It would be embarrassing.
Now I have not had any communication with his wife to get her side of the story, she will not reciprocate since the news was spilt. If my intuition serves me right, as it has so far, she will not. I understand why, being proven wrong is not fun. Finding out your husband really is the monster you were warned about hurts. Having no other option than to admit it is painful in and of itself. The bottom line here, ladies, is that the ex-wife is not always just some raving lunatic, sometimes she is honestly trying to save you.