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The Games Singles Play

Updated on December 6, 2009

A ‘charade’, according to the Oxford English dictionary, is an ‘absurd pretence’. It is also a game that people play, where they have to act out different scenarios and others have to guess what they are trying to convey through mime.

Countless singles if they were to look back on their lives as a single person, would laugh at some of the games they have played and been on the receiving end of.

People play games with themselves, their family and friends, the church, the opposite sex and with God.

Here are a few of the games singles play:


The Mastermind game revolves around knowing who will call whom first and who will give in. When playing this game it is all about control. This is where one of the parties involved wants to dominate the other, by controlling the emotions of the other person in the relationship. It is all about playing psychologist, trying to psyche each other out and not really revealing their true feelings for one another.

Emotional Games - To be or not to be

In this game, the single tries to make the person with whom they are in relationship with become jealous. They play all sorts of emotional games with their partner so that they can demonstrate that they don’t need them in their life, and are self-sufficient. I can recall the story of a single person who used to play Gloria Gaynor’s song “I will survive” whenever she had an argument with her boyfriend. The words of the song go something like this “I will survive as long as I know how to love, I know I’ll stay alive. I have all my life to live. I have all my love to give. I will survive”. The girl used to play that song to get at her boyfriend to let him know, in no uncertain terms, that she was perfectly fine even though she really wasn’t. Singles who play emotional games know the ‘Achilles heel’ or the ‘soft spot’ in their partner and when they don’t get their way or what they want, they’ll put pressure on it.

Secret Squirrel

This game involves keeping secrets from one another and not revealing important issues to each other. When people are secretive an intimate relationships cannot develop. They are not able to have any real closeness because they are hiding intimate or secret thoughts from each other. Of course, some things are to be kept for an appropriate time and perhaps not even said at all e.g. an abusive past. Some men may never be able to accept that the partner that they are with has been abused in the past, particularly if it was incestuous. Such secrets can be withheld. However, when it comes to general issues or facts about one’s life, it is important, with somebody you are preparing to spend the rest of your life with, to be able to be open up and discuss such intimate information.

The Transformation Game

In the transformation game, the single person wants to transform the person that they are involved with into their ideal partner. Now in reality, we know that no one is perfect. So therefore there is no one ideal person out there. Singles all have different issues that they are battling with, yet I have heard some very strange stories where people have tried to transform the person that they are in relationship with into someone totally different. For example, there was a story about a girl who was dating a man from outside her culture. She was very ‘English’ and the person she was dating was very ‘African’. She did not like the thickness of his accent. Yet everything about him, other than his accent, demonstrated that he was really the person that she should marry. She did everything to try to change his accent and as a result nearly lost him in the process. The relationship ended up being a very rewarding one.



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