- Gender and Relationships
The Greatest Asset That I Have
I had originally planned on answering this question a week ago when it was first asked but I decided to give it some in-depth thought rather than write something based on a knee-jerk reaction.
Allow me to take you on a journey through my thought process as I considered answers and rejected them and then I will get down to the one true answer.
A BRIEF GLIMPSE AT THE ANSWERS I CONSIDERED
At first I broke these down to before alcoholism and after alcoholism, but that’s a bit like determining the difference in shades of gray. These assets of mine have always been there; it’s just that after I embraced sobriety they became more pronounced.
I have always been compassionate. I feel what others feel; if they are happy I find happiness in that; if they are struggling emotionally I feel their pain. I suppose that goes hand in hand with empathy. Sensitivity towards others has always been part of my make-up but it was just muted by alcohol. I was simply too busy drinking to spend much time worrying about others.
Patience was another asset I was going to say but again, before alcohol I was a patient man and after alcohol I am a patient man and I had a hard time labeling this as the greatest asset I have.
Love of others and love of life was my initial choice, especially now that I am seeing and thinking clearly. In my humble opinion this is the most important thing in life so surely it must be my greatest asset. Right?
Then it dawned on me! As I was writing another article today the truth slapped me in the face like a ten-pound hammer. My greatest asset in life is the love of my life, Bev!
WHY YOU ASK?
Well thank you for asking! You see, Bev, through her love, allows me to be better than I ever was before I met her. She brings out the best in me so that all of my other assets are multiplied to the nth degree. It is as though my compassion, empathy, patience and love are all on steroids now that Bev is in my life and it has been that way now for four years. To me that is remarkable!
SO WHAT IS IT ABOUT THIS ASSET OF YOURS BILLYBUC?
Where do I begin?
Have you ever met someone who, when they walk into a room full of people, the collective mood suddenly elevates? There is an aura about Bev, some indefinable quality that makes everyone around her feel better and happier. She is best with children. I have seen her at parties where she will do the obligatory handshakes and small talk and then seek out the kids and sit on the floor and play with them for the rest of the evening. There is a little kid inside of her and I hope that little kid never grows up.
She is easily the most compassionate woman, or person, that I have ever known. We were digging in our future garden the other day and she was saddened because she had killed a worm while digging. A WORM! For the next two hours I carefully lifted each worm out of the garden, set it aside and then put it back in the garden when the digging was done. Trust me when I tell you that I have never given five minutes of concern about a worm in my life until that moment, but Bev was so genuinely upset that a living thing had died that I instantly became the GREAT PROTECTOR OF ALL WORMS! Unbelievable what this woman has done to me.
Watch her read the paper or read an article online and eventually tears will appear on her face because she feels sadness for the inhumanity of some humans. She does not understand cruelty in any way, shape or form, and I have no doubt that if we were wealthy most of our money would be given to charities and we would travel the world doing acts of service and charity for others. No doubt at all!
My greatest asset is also my biggest supporter. She is the one who encouraged me to publish my novel; she is the one who helps me promote my writing and keeps offering words of support when I am feeling like my work isn’t good enough.
My Beverly is a single mother of four children, a teenage daughter still at home. Do you want to talk about dedicated? Bev re-defines the concepts of excellent parenting and devotion. Her kids all live here in town, all visit often, all love their mother and see in her what I see every single day: love!
THE MOST IMPORTANT GIFT SHE GIVE ME
At the risk of sounding like I’m writing a romance novel, Bev makes me want to be a better person. I find myself at times listening to a little voice in my head, and that voice is asking me if my actions are in keeping with the standards she has set. She is, in a very real sense, my divining rod, pointing to the true way for a human being to act.
I am still very much my own person but I have discovered that the assets I have always had are now always being used because of Bev being in my life. I find love everywhere in life now. I feel more intensely than I ever have and I want to reach out to people and help them find their way if possible. Where once there was a passive participant in life we now have a very active member of this race of homo sapiens and that member is none other than billybuc!
LONELINESS AND EMPTINESS
Bev left today for a week. She is heading to Kentucky to meet her aged mother and bring her back to Olympia to be with family. It is a testament to her that on a moment’s notice she dropped what she was doing, made the reservation and left to take care of a loved one.
She has been gone four hours now and I miss her already. Is that what love is like? A part of me is missing and that is such a strange thing for me to fathom. I have always made my own way in life, trying so hard to need no one and forge a path through life without depending on anyone. Then along came Bev and now look at me! Alone for four damn hours and missing her terribly and feeling lost without my best friend nearby.
So it is! Love will do that to a guy, hit him blindside and leave him shaking his head to clear the cobwebs. It is a slightly scary proposition and yet I can’t imagine it not being like this.
I have said this before and I will say it again to anyone who will listen. I believe Bev is my gift for finally getting my act together. I think I had to pull my head out and get things right with me before I was able to fully appreciate a woman like Bev and by extension to fully appreciate love. I had to become capable of receiving love before I was given this beautiful gift that is Bev.
After decades of not being able to figure out the riddle that is life I have finally found peace….contentment….happiness….and yes, love!
2012 Bill Holland (aka billybuc)