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The Greatest Asset That I Have

Updated on May 29, 2013
This is the perfect picture of Bev; completely free and one with nature.
This is the perfect picture of Bev; completely free and one with nature. | Source
Truly my better half.
Truly my better half. | Source
She is always exploring the facets of life around her.
She is always exploring the facets of life around her. | Source

I had originally planned on answering this question a week ago when it was first asked but I decided to give it some in-depth thought rather than write something based on a knee-jerk reaction.

Allow me to take you on a journey through my thought process as I considered answers and rejected them and then I will get down to the one true answer.

A BRIEF GLIMPSE AT THE ANSWERS I CONSIDERED

At first I broke these down to before alcoholism and after alcoholism, but that’s a bit like determining the difference in shades of gray. These assets of mine have always been there; it’s just that after I embraced sobriety they became more pronounced.

I have always been compassionate. I feel what others feel; if they are happy I find happiness in that; if they are struggling emotionally I feel their pain. I suppose that goes hand in hand with empathy. Sensitivity towards others has always been part of my make-up but it was just muted by alcohol. I was simply too busy drinking to spend much time worrying about others.

Patience was another asset I was going to say but again, before alcohol I was a patient man and after alcohol I am a patient man and I had a hard time labeling this as the greatest asset I have.

Love of others and love of life was my initial choice, especially now that I am seeing and thinking clearly. In my humble opinion this is the most important thing in life so surely it must be my greatest asset. Right?

THE TRUTH

Then it dawned on me! As I was writing another article today the truth slapped me in the face like a ten-pound hammer. My greatest asset in life is the love of my life, Bev!

http://billybuc.hubpages.com/hub/The-Woman-I-love

WHY YOU ASK?

Well thank you for asking! You see, Bev, through her love, allows me to be better than I ever was before I met her. She brings out the best in me so that all of my other assets are multiplied to the nth degree. It is as though my compassion, empathy, patience and love are all on steroids now that Bev is in my life and it has been that way now for four years. To me that is remarkable!

SO WHAT IS IT ABOUT THIS ASSET OF YOURS BILLYBUC?

Where do I begin?

Have you ever met someone who, when they walk into a room full of people, the collective mood suddenly elevates? There is an aura about Bev, some indefinable quality that makes everyone around her feel better and happier. She is best with children. I have seen her at parties where she will do the obligatory handshakes and small talk and then seek out the kids and sit on the floor and play with them for the rest of the evening. There is a little kid inside of her and I hope that little kid never grows up.

She is easily the most compassionate woman, or person, that I have ever known. We were digging in our future garden the other day and she was saddened because she had killed a worm while digging. A WORM! For the next two hours I carefully lifted each worm out of the garden, set it aside and then put it back in the garden when the digging was done. Trust me when I tell you that I have never given five minutes of concern about a worm in my life until that moment, but Bev was so genuinely upset that a living thing had died that I instantly became the GREAT PROTECTOR OF ALL WORMS! Unbelievable what this woman has done to me.

Watch her read the paper or read an article online and eventually tears will appear on her face because she feels sadness for the inhumanity of some humans. She does not understand cruelty in any way, shape or form, and I have no doubt that if we were wealthy most of our money would be given to charities and we would travel the world doing acts of service and charity for others. No doubt at all!

My greatest asset is also my biggest supporter. She is the one who encouraged me to publish my novel; she is the one who helps me promote my writing and keeps offering words of support when I am feeling like my work isn’t good enough.

http://billybuc.hubpages.com/hub/Freelance-Writing-It-Really-Is-A-Job

My Beverly is a single mother of four children, a teenage daughter still at home. Do you want to talk about dedicated? Bev re-defines the concepts of excellent parenting and devotion. Her kids all live here in town, all visit often, all love their mother and see in her what I see every single day: love!

THE MOST IMPORTANT GIFT SHE GIVE ME

At the risk of sounding like I’m writing a romance novel, Bev makes me want to be a better person. I find myself at times listening to a little voice in my head, and that voice is asking me if my actions are in keeping with the standards she has set. She is, in a very real sense, my divining rod, pointing to the true way for a human being to act.

I am still very much my own person but I have discovered that the assets I have always had are now always being used because of Bev being in my life. I find love everywhere in life now. I feel more intensely than I ever have and I want to reach out to people and help them find their way if possible. Where once there was a passive participant in life we now have a very active member of this race of homo sapiens and that member is none other than billybuc!

LONELINESS AND EMPTINESS

Bev left today for a week. She is heading to Kentucky to meet her aged mother and bring her back to Olympia to be with family. It is a testament to her that on a moment’s notice she dropped what she was doing, made the reservation and left to take care of a loved one.

She has been gone four hours now and I miss her already. Is that what love is like? A part of me is missing and that is such a strange thing for me to fathom. I have always made my own way in life, trying so hard to need no one and forge a path through life without depending on anyone. Then along came Bev and now look at me! Alone for four damn hours and missing her terribly and feeling lost without my best friend nearby.

So it is! Love will do that to a guy, hit him blindside and leave him shaking his head to clear the cobwebs. It is a slightly scary proposition and yet I can’t imagine it not being like this.

I have said this before and I will say it again to anyone who will listen. I believe Bev is my gift for finally getting my act together. I think I had to pull my head out and get things right with me before I was able to fully appreciate a woman like Bev and by extension to fully appreciate love. I had to become capable of receiving love before I was given this beautiful gift that is Bev.

After decades of not being able to figure out the riddle that is life I have finally found peace….contentment….happiness….and yes, love!

http://billybuc.hubpages.com/hub/Lifestyle-Choices-Its-All-About-Perspective

2012 Bill Holland (aka billybuc)

Do you have a Bev in your life?

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    • profile image

      onlooker 5 years ago

      billybuc, Bev is one of a kind and for her to have you makes you just as special. Beautiful and simple. Thank you.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Onlooker, that was a lovely message and I thank you! May you always be as happy as I am now!

    • Sonya L Morley profile image

      Sonya L Morley 5 years ago from Edinburgh

      I have such a person in my life too and consider myself incredibly blessed for having found him and for the life we are creating together. This is a very moving article, you know what matters and how to write about it in a way that encourages your readers to consider their own lives with positivity. Beautiful!

    • cleaner3 profile image

      cleaner3 5 years ago from Pueblo, Colorado

      what you write is the essence of what my poetry is all about , feelings emotions , love for someone that you can not describe, but you have done a very good job.

    • Sky9106 profile image

      Sky9106 5 years ago from A beautiful place on earth.

      Your sister looks like you , won't you say?

      Deserving to be so for a you brethren, your road, when the way that it is, was always designed.

      Now see how much we have truly learned ,since we found the answer.

      It's an over the top feeling, when someone you know hits life jackpot , which is the hardest to hit.

      There is always a reason that I follow someone , but that reason is mixes in with the reason they follow me , as much as I prefer them to say Join someone , that will mean that you are approved of the way they are going.

      A beautiful and as you said truth , that I know and will always follow.

      Stay great billy yours is contagious.

      Blessings to you and Bev.

      My first wife name was Beverly.

    • Gypsy48 profile image

      Gypsy48 5 years ago

      What a lovely man you are to write such beauty about the love of your life. My husband is the world to me and accepts me as I am as I accept him. We are on this journey together with love.

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Sonya, it makes my heart happy that you have found someone who gives you what Bev gives me. You deserve happiness, as we all do, and I say hooray for you.

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Cleaner, there are times when words fail me, and that is what I found while writing about Bev. I simply do not have the words. Thank you my friend!

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Sky, contagious aptly describes your working as well. We come from two different backgrounds my friend but we are brothers nonetheless. Be strong and stay on the path.

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Gypsy, isn't that wonderful, to have someone to journey with? I am happy for you and I thank you for your kind words.

    • profile image

      KatrineDalMonte 5 years ago

      Hi Billy, a wonderful hub. The primary lesson of life surely is to learn to love. If we don't have love, nothing else will be enough. Love gives us strength and courage. Love is the means by which we identify ourselves with another person, desiring that which is best for him, in any situation whatever it may be, and I can see that in Bev, for she is able to bring out the best in you. You are each other's gift. :-)

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Katrine, I love what you said. I read Siddhartha a long time ago and several times since and it resonated with me beautifully. After all the trials and tribulations of life, after all the seeking, still the most important thing is love. Without it, giving and taking, we are nothing but flesh and bones walking upright. Thank you!

    • kccamp profile image

      kccamp 5 years ago from Ontario

      I really enjoyed reading your hub. It is so inspiring! You've really written, what I feel life is about.

    • cclitgirl profile image

      Cynthia Calhoun 5 years ago from Western NC

      After 10 years, I still feel this way about my hubby. Every endeavor, every right-brained cockamamied thing I've ever done, he's supported. I *hope* I have been the same back to him. I'm actually introverted, so it's harder for me to just go out and be outgoing, but I strive to be a good person, wife, friend and daughter. Of course, there are things I could always do better, but your hub makes me feel like I can always be better to help make the world a better place. :)

    • teaches12345 profile image

      Dianna Mendez 5 years ago

      Your Bev, looks so sweet and I am happy that you two have such a great relationship. As we get ready to celebrate out 40th, I can truly say that my hubby and I are more in love now than ever. May you always know the beauty of true love between you.

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Kccamp, thank you! If you feel that then you are on the right road. My best to you and yours.

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Oh Cyndi, I don't think there is any doubt that you are a good person, wife, friend and daughter. One only needs read your work and the real you shines through. Thank you dear friend; I will always be one of your faithful supporters.

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Teaches, I only wish I had forty years with Bev, but I will make the most out of the time I have left. My best to you and your husband and may your love always be fresh.

    • DeborahNeyens profile image

      Deborah Neyens 5 years ago from Iowa

      This is so sweet. Bev is a lucky woman!

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Deborah, thank you so much. I know for a fact that I am a lucky man!

    • Pannonica profile image

      Pannonica 5 years ago

      Billy your love just shines through these words, you two are made for each other, please make the most of every minute you have together. I don't want to ruin the moment but I lost my soul mate, the love of my life, two years ago and I think of him throughout the day, every day. Time is so precious and I hope you two enjoy many, many years together. She is truly your soul mate.

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Pannonica, thank you and I am truly sorry for your loss. You are so right that time is precious and needs to be lived to the fullest each and every day. Thank you for sharing that story with me and bless you!

    • Curiad profile image

      Mark G Weller 5 years ago from Lake Charles, LA.

      You are awesome Bill, It is not easy to speak and share the way you do, but you do it so well. You and Bev are very fortunate!

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Thank you sir! Coming from a man I respect that means a great deal to me.

    • profile image

      Sueswan 5 years ago

      Hi Billybuc

      I loved reading this one. You and Bev are soul mates. :)

      Voted up and away!

      Take care

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Thank you Sue and I agree with you; I never believed in the concept of soulmates until I met Bev.

    • profile image

      Phoebe Pike 5 years ago

      This is a beautiful tribute to your other half.

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Thank you Phoebe, I appreciate that and I appreciate you visiting my site.

    • Vinaya Ghimire profile image

      Vinaya Ghimire 5 years ago from Nepal

      I loved your brave and honest narrative. You are blessed with a wonderful woman like Bev. Few people are as lucky as you are.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Vinaya, thank you so much. I am truly blessed and I know exactly how lucky I am.

    • ChristyWrites profile image

      Christy Birmingham 5 years ago from British Columbia, Canada

      What a beautiful tribute to your other half. You give those of us still looking hope and I smile at your genuine words.

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Christy, there is hope for all of us. I pray you don't have to wait as long as I did. :) Thank you for taking the time to read and comment; you are appreciated.

    • always exploring profile image

      Ruby Jean Fuller 5 years ago from Southern Illinois

      Congratulayions billybuc, I have always believed there is a special someone for everyone. You have found yours. Thank's for sharing....

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Always, I am a very lucky man and I truly hope you have that special someone in your life as well.

    • mindful mamo profile image

      mindful mamo 5 years ago from Sooke, BC

      I think i'm in love with her myself after reading that beautiful tribute. My soulmate of 36 years also encourages me to be my best self. As do my few close friends. I try to surround myself with people who challenge me to live my truth and bring out the best in me.

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Mindful, I am a lucky man...I love how you described it..people who challenge you to live your truth and bring out the best in you...beautifully stated my friend. Thank you!

    • profile image

      iamaudraleigh 5 years ago

      Bill, It was nice to see more about your life and a tribute to Bev here...very special :)

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Audra, thank you, but Bev does all the work by being the kindest person I have ever known. I appreciate you very much!

    • Eiddwen profile image

      Eiddwen 5 years ago from Wales

      Beautiful words billybuc and here's to so many more to come.

      I wish you and yours a great weekend.

      Eddy.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Thank you my friend. I didn't see a new hub by you this morning. I'll have to go back and check to see if I missed it. Have a peaceful weekend and I can't wait to read your next.

    • Tams R profile image

      Tams R 5 years ago from Missouri

      Blessed be the woman that turns a man's faith in the world to be so loved that he may protect worms.

      I understand Bev and would love to know her.

      Billybuc, if I may say so, do yourself a favor if you have not already. Remember you are as worthy without her. I do not say that to make you think of losing her, but in this life we must find our own value over and beyond what another provides us. She has allowed you and given you a gift of what you know makes a good human being. Now you own that.

      Take it and fly! If you have managed that then you've truly gotten the entire gift Bev has provided and true love will blossom more furiously than you ever imagined. With faith that it is the love of yourself you will be able to give back to her ten-fold what she has given to you.

      It is a lesson I am learning daily.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Tams, those are beautiful words and I thank you. I have found that self-love of which you speak; if I worded the hub incorrectly and gave the impression that I hadn't I apologize. I had to come to grips with myself and my worth a little over five years ago and now all is well in Bill's world. You are very kind and I look forward to following you on your journey.

    • kingmaxler profile image

      kingmaxler 5 years ago from Olympia, Washington USA

      Just so you all know, this man is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I have never felt so safe and so loved. I feel beyond lucky to have his laughter and love. I did not know this type of relationship existed. He is a gift to me. I love him with my whole being.

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      I think I'll just shut up and accept your words. I love you!

    • EclecticFusion profile image

      Lisa 5 years ago from Tennessee

      Beautiful and way up! I have a wonderful man in my life and I know I wouldn't be the same without him! Thanks for making me think!

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Lisa, it is my pleasure! There is not a day that goes by that I don't thank the gods for Bev. Thank you as always!

    • SanneL profile image

      SanneL 5 years ago from Sweden

      What a lovely tribute to the woman you love! You and Bev are truly blessed to have found each other. True love is a gift and you both have found it. Your compassion, passion and kindness as an individual, shines through in every word written here. You are truly a wonderful man! Thanks for sharing your journey. . .

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      SalleL, thank you for those kind words. I will concede that I try to be a wonderful man but like all of us I have room to grow. Welcome on board the billybuc site and I hope to see much more of you.

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      SanneL, I apologize for butchering your name; it is too early and my mind is sending the signals but my fingers have not caught up to it yet....peace and love to you.

    • Vidya Mallar profile image

      Vidya Mallar 5 years ago from India

      Lovely words which reveal the depth of your love for your Bev... Nice presentation. God bless you both with more love, understanding and togetherness.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Vidya, thank you for those lovely words. I am blessed to have found Bev and I make each day special for her and love-filled.

    • joanveronica profile image

      Joan Veronica Robertson 5 years ago from Concepcion, Chile

      Lovely Hub! So uplifting to read your thoughts about the really important things in life, especially today, as I've just come out of a very painful scanner test! You made my day with this read, it is already better than it was a few moments ago!

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Joan, thank you and if I helped you through a tough day then I am quite happy! Be blessed my friend, today and all days!

    • trish1048 profile image

      trish1048 5 years ago

      Oh Bill! this is beautiful. There is nothing I love more than a man who can share his heart and thoughts, at the deepest level. I am lucky to have a man like that in my life, albeit not as a couple. Despite that fact, he is my anchor, the person I go to with all my concerns. He has a way of grounding me.

      I have heard it said that before you can love anyone, you have to love yourself first. Throughout my life, I have loved a lot, which tells me, I must love myself, even though at times I feel as though I don't.

      I find also that I am very much like your wife. As a child, I did my best to not step on an ant. To this day, on my drive to and from work, I see dead deer, often baby ones, and I start crying.

      So now, in my sixth decade, I have found in you what I refer to as my go to person. I come here to read your words, and you always manage to touch my heart to its very core, to inspire me and to show me that there is still love and goodness in this world. To know there are men out there like you makes my life a happy place, and for that I thank you :)

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Trish my dear friend, that is one of the kindest things I have ever heard from someone. I smile and my heart soars to know that after this long journey with all of the wrong turns I have finally reached a point in my life where I an provide comfort to someone. I have tears in my eyes right now and that is a beautiful thing.

      I am so happy you have that man in your life and I promise to always be here, speaking from the heart (except when I get silly from time to time) and telling people the truth as I see it.

      Oh, the time wasted, and yet it really wasn't wasted; it was all necessary for me to reach this place, this time, this realization, that the only thing in life worth giving a damn about is love. My mentor once told me "don't sweat the small stuff and it's all small stuff."

      I greatly appreciate the person you are and so look forward to travelling this journey alongside you.

      Peace and love today my friend,

      bill

    • trish1048 profile image

      trish1048 5 years ago

      Bill,

      You truly are a comfort, not only to me but to many, many people. You're what I like to think of as a soft place to fall :)

      All the trials and tribulations we all went through definitely shaped who we are today.

      Recently, I have been watching I Survived, Beyond and Back, about people who have died and come back. I have often heard it said that when we pass, we see our life flash before us along with a great white light. I doubted that, until I started watching this show. After many episodes, every single person who has died, some not only once but twice within hours, have all said the same thing. For me, this is proof that there is life after death, and that we do meet up with our loved ones who are waiting for us with open arms. I do not doubt for one second, any longer, that the stories aren't real. It is helping me to come to terms with dying, something which I feared greatly. If all they say is true, and I do believe it is, then I have no reason to fear death. So as long as I live a good life and do good work, I will be blessed when my time comes.

      So, no Bill, the time wasn't wasted. I've often thought of my own time in terms of being wasted. Truly, it wasn't. We simply don't know that we did impact lives. All we think is we're just living life and going through the motions. I have been blessed to hear, many many years later, that I am a favorite aunt and that I brought love and laughter to so many people. It warmed my heart to hear from my nieces their rememberances of time spent with me.

      I'm grateful to have found a friend in you. :)

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Trish, I'm not sure I would ever be picked as a poster boy for religion, but on a spiritual level I am a walking, talking marketing guru. I believe there is life after death; of course it is all based on faith but it is just something I believe makes sense of it all.

      I no longer fear death but now that I have found the wonder in love I don't plan on leaving this life calmly but rather kickin' and screamin' "I ain't done yet!!!!!

      I love life today! Isn't that a wonder?

      Thank you Trish! Yes, we all make an impact and you have impacted mine with your kindness and gentle spirit.

      bill

    • josh3418 profile image

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Bill what an incredible tribute to your wife! She must have felt so honored! You are a very insightful man who is able to reach into his most inner being and relay his depth of emotion to his readers. You have been a great encouragement to me being a new hubber; I am so glad that I found you here. I pray that we can become great friends and help each other grow as people. I have been inspired to become more personal myself because of what you have written here on the HubPages. Your hubs have been a great wealth of knowledge and inspiration to me all ready. I am honored to be following you Bill!

      Voted up and few more, and definitely sharing, and you can not stop me :)

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Josh, I look forward to many months and years of following each other. Not everybody can write as I do. It is uncomfortable for many and at times too painful to even try. I tend to gravitate to those who are willing to lay their emotions on the line and take a risk.

      I appreciate you greatly; you are doing all the right things on HubPages. You are an active member who takes the time to make a connection with the people you follow and those who follow you, and as such you will find respect at every turn.

      Have a great weekend my friend and no, I will not try to stop you from sharing. LOL

    • josh3418 profile image

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Hehe, well thats good because I shared it like an hour ago; it was pretty much inevitable :)

      Thank you so much Bill for the encouragement, I love the community HubPages has to offer; and you are great asset to mine all ready(notice the play on words with your title :) )

      And by the way, I am processing an emotional personal subject that I will be writing on either today or tomorrow all because of your inspiration! :)

      Thanks for everything Bill!

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Josh, I look forward to it and you are very welcome.

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