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The Handsome Thug

Updated on November 29, 2009

When your self-esteem fails you

Have you ever wondered what’s going on in the minds of many women? I have. I wondered what is up with many of their actions, a lot of what they do and how they function in the world of relationships. I am a man of average looks and I have friends, male of course, who are quite handsome, and they talk. Yes, they talk about women and the women that they have had relationships with and there is always the one or two or three, who hover around them, star struck and love dizzy.

These women are not uncommon, and I see them as chasing after the “Handsome Thug”.

What do I mean about the Handsome Thug? Well, he is, at the very least, quite handsome, stylish, and slick. He dresses well, takes care of himself, well groomed, flashy and has women hanging off him, making him even more attractive to his…dates? No victims. Moreover, that’s where Thug comes in, the dictionary definition of a Thug is: a cruel or vicious ruffian, robber, or murderer, goon, hood, hoodlum, punk, strong-armer. These terms are appropriate because these so-called gentlemen are typically misogynistic largely because of the number and type of women that they find attracted to them. There is such a thing as contempt for something in abundance, like we show for water, usually running the tap mindlessly, not caring about the amount that we waste. It’s this same vacant attitude that the Handsome Thug has towards women.

These women do not seem to realize that they are the playthings of these insincere individuals, typically sexual playthings, never becoming anything more. Never being introduced to his friends or relatives, always having sex with them and sex in the most unusual places, like cars or alleyways, and more than often one-way sex, such as fellatio or anal sex. These women are used like toys to a child and are quickly put to the side. In the light of day, they are ignored, discounted, walked by as if they don’t exist.

Yet they return to the Handsome Thug more and more for more and more abuse until it becomes a game to the Thug. Just how far he can get her to go? Just how degrading can he make their relationship, how deeply he can wound her self esteem? Still, she is star-stuck, loving the attention that he gives her, no matter how slighted it can be. She is under the classic impression that the next act, the next sex, the next level, she will somehow take hold of his heart and he will change his view of her, and elevate her to lover, showering onto her more attention, more affection. Even say hello to her in general company, validating her existence to her friends and others.

This is far from the truth, and no matter her excuses for its occurrence, it is still a classic response that has been proven over time. This is what they are after: recognition, love, attention and affection, everything that the Thug has no intention of giving. Realize that men talk to each other, men brag to each other; men try to outdo each other. Men prove their prowess by outdoing their friends. This can be in sports, being the better ball player, his conversation constantly on sports statistics, fast to know some of the most obscure facts. If he’s into body worship, he is quick to show off his physique to men and women, besting his brothers in this fashion. Mostly, for the Handsome Thug that is, his prowess is over women, women whom he conventionally calls hoes, chicken heads, tramps or bitches. His power over women is legendary, his confidence is skyscraper high, and he is always moving, always looking for the next female delicacy.

Case in point, my friend Robert, a fiercely Handsome Thug who is presentable overmuch. He is considered a god among men. When a group of us guys was flying to Cincinnati for pleasure, Robert, Clarence, Ricky and myself, the rest of us average guys, were on a flight that was delayed for two hours. We ended up going to a bar in the terminal and Robert was behind us doing his thing. He had run into a blonde who was on the same flight and invited her over to the table for summary degradation. After several drinks to loosen her up, Robert has his tongue far down her throat, and his hands up her blouse, while the rest of us chatted to each other about sports. Robert made no pretext in hiding his talent for soon, he ordered her to sit next to Ricky and played a game. See if Ricky was handsome enough to kiss. First, she pecked Ricky on the cheek, but Robert was insistent and we at the table stared in awe as she was coaxed to give Ricky deeply penetrating tongue kisses, accepting his ardor and his hands on her bare breasts.

To add to the injury, Robert left the table and soon returned with a brunette. Let the games begin!! This one too he warmed up with kissing and fondling until it was time for our airplane to leave. Robert, after fingering the Brunette at the bar, takes her number and we leave with the Blonde whose stint is not over yet. The plane is not full, we move seats about in coach, and Robert engineers a game of musical chairs when the Blonde sits next to him. He instead puts Clarence in his seat and the game continues until he has her being mauled by Clarence, legs up in the cramped space between the seats. Robert, the Handsome Thug comes to me and promises me that my turn is next, because as he puts it, she’s a ho.

Was she really? Was the Brunette? Or were these women just lonely who fell for a package? They found themselves drinking to lower their inhibitions and doing whatever he wished just for his attention, his approval. I wonder about this. I wonder what these women are looking for. When putting it to the final analysis, I can only come up with the classic response: they are after, recognition, love, attention and affection, everything that the Thug has no intention of giving.

Trust me, it doesn’t stop at these playful make out sessions either. It gets darker, the abuse cutting deeper, and the impuissant nature of these women more apparent, no matter what their excuses are, which are always slanted towards showing or exhibiting power. They actually believe they are in control and not being drawn by their own weaknesses. They feel that they can ‘pull’ a Handsome Thug on their looks, their attractiveness, their beauty, and not be held subject to his whims to keep this so call ‘pull’.

Charles is another Handsome Thug, one that women are always on a quest for. Women get up in the mornings dreaming that they will find a Charles to pay them attention, to worship them, to be drawn to them. Charles sleeps with many women in a given week, and has grown calloused to sex and women in general. His thrills have become extreme, to the point where he is cold and detached unless summarily aroused.

For some time, Charles has been toying with Irene at the local bar, having odd sex with her here and there, but not addressing her in public, neither introducing her to his friends as anything. She is basically there for sex and little else. For her, she thinks that this is some form of clandestine relationship where they, behind the backs of all others, commune in some strange partnership. Unfortunately, to his friends, she is a chicken head and a ho.

On one drunken night, with three of his friends, the idea of running a train on her with his companions pops into his head. They laugh. He doesn’t have that kind of pull over a woman to have her allow three men to have sex with her, especially two men who don’t know her from Eve. Charles actually thinks this over, and decides that he does have the very prowess that it takes to have her do this. He has that control over her. He tells his friends that when he gets them laid tonight, they owe him. Everyone at the table laughs, but he’s serious.

Charles calls Irene over from a table with her friends and invites her to meet his friends, and actually introduces her. She is stunned to meet such gentlemen and over the evening they buy her drinks until Charles floats the joke, and then the idea. Why don’t she come to his place and the three of them have some fun? She stares into Charles’ eyes, searching for something there, and is lost in his baby blues.

Sometime during the evening they stop at a drugstore, buy a box of condoms and over two six packs of beer and three hours, turn her into a human fingercuff. Irene is not allowed to stay the night but has to go with the guys when they leave, and they are nice enough to drive her home. The ride is silent, neither of them knowing the other enough to sustain a conversation.

She refuses to feel used, but instead dons a cloak of power, how she wanted to experience sex with three men simultaneously, it being a personal best. The question stands, if this was something that she wanted, why have someone else engineer it for her? Once again, this falls on the face of the classic response, She is under the impression that the next act, the next sex, the next level, she will somehow take hold of the Handsome Thug’s heart and he will change his view of her, and elevate her to lover, showering onto her more attention, more affection. This is something that the Handsome Thug has no intention on doing. She is in fact lowering herself in his estimation. She is a plaything and will be nothing than a Barbie doll that he turns its head to see how hard he has to pull before it comes off the shoulders.

The interest in the Handsome Thug is interesting. It seems hardwired in women to gravitate towards these piranhas, and are devoured depending on their level of self-respect. Some women avoid the trap of their gravitational pull, and these difficult ones to get are the ones that they struggle to attain, and will build a lasting relationship, with a moderate level of infidelity. There is nothing that can actually reform a Handsome Thug. Eventually he will cheat. Don’t fall into the trap of thinking your ‘pull’ will last longer than when he grows tired of you.

That is the failure of finding these shallow men, and the loss of chasing them, which is that they are like rocks in the water, they are out there ready to do harm. Your search for love should not be conditional, and there should be love involved. Love does not demean, but instead builds up. It does not attack the self-esteem but rather adds to it.

If you find yourself engaging in these acts, don’t cater to the delusion. It is not empowerment, but the opposite. If you feel hurt if the Handsome Thug doesn’t acknowledge your existence in public, if you’ve never met his friends and relatives outside of the bar, if you’re not going on dates with this man, and if there is no real interest, your reasons are classic.


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