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The Highlight of a breakup

Updated on June 24, 2014

Welcome Everyone!

If your reading this article and currently experiencing a breakup with someone who you casted into your future. I must say this, I know how you feel and I'm so sorry. This article is not about pity or feeling sorry for yourself though. This article isn't about placing blame on anyone for what was done. This is about the benefits of a breakup with someone! Now with all that your feeling and going through surely most people over look the benefits surrounding them. So let this article be an introduction to the better parts of a breakup. Before we get into the benefits, lets start with how your feeling. Now naturally no matter how "civil" your breakup was or how "crazy" it was let me point out that it is natural for you to be hurt. Before you do anything, you need to be honest with yourself. Its natural to respond to that hurt with anger. I mean when someone you had plans to be with just goes completely opposite its only normal to feel like what the hell is their problem? The point I want to make here is that no matter what happened, no breakup is peaceful because someone always gets hurt. With that said lets move on to those benefits shall we? Let me just state for the record that I am not a medical professional. My advice comes from behavioral science, observation, personal experience, and basic human behavior studies. It is not to be used over the advice of a medical professional or treatment.


New Priorities

Lets talk first about the most important benefit, once you officially have dissolved your relationship with someone. Suddenly your starting to see things differently. Meaning that you start to make new priorities for yourself. Those things that you normally wouldn't have invested so much time into now suddenly becomes your main priority. For example, you may have been wanting to get a new job because you want to rejoin the workforce. When you was in a relationship it wasn't really your main focus because at the end of the day you enjoyed spending extra time with your partner. When your in a relationship with someone it is natural for your rational judgement to be clouded by your strong emotions. Now that it is over, you land the job you always wanted because you really put 1000 percent into getting it. It was your new priority instead of a thought. Another example is you start rebuilding relationships with people that you might not have sort out before. Or mending old wounds with people. Simply because your new priorities in life are to find happiness in someone instead of chaos. When you seek happiness and reach for it by doing something positive for someone else that you normally wouldn't have cared for. Suddenly you start to see people start to respond positively back towards you. Your change can influence other people's feelings for you.


Finding joy in unexpected places

Now that your actively pursing your new priorities, you will start to find that your breakup gets less and less hurtful. Until you almost never think about it anymore. Why? Simply because you start to enjoy whatever your pursing so much and your reaping the results of your new pursuit. What is really happening comes back to basic human behavior. You can't enjoy life if your living someone else's. Meaning that when your in relationship you become so deeply invested into the other person's feelings that when you dissolve that relationship you feel as if you lost apart of yourself. Once you allow yourself to stop being consumed with those feelings and allow yourself to actually enjoy your own life. You start find things that YOU like to do. You start to feel value, appreciation, and respect because the things your pursing is paying off. For example, you might find yourself hanging with people you wouldn't normally spend time with. You might even find people who can relate so much to you that they enjoy your company instead of trying to spend your company. It also comes back to change. A breakup is an extremely negative emotion or feeling. So if your putting out those negative emotions and feelings or carry them around with you. Then you can't reap positive results. You will only attract or worsen your negatives. Once you start to change your feelings from negative to positive you will get positive uplifting results. Which results an overall positive feeling and well being. At that time when you think back to your breakup, you will not want to stay trapped in those emotions as much anymore.


Love blooms in strange ways

Once your able to get back to feeling overall happiness and your breakup is so far back in your rear view mirror that you can't even see it without a telescope. Your feelings will attract someone who can value who you are as a person. Now when I say love blooms in strange ways..what I mean is that person might be closer than you think. That person might be the person who was there when you felt crushed. Or simply assisted you when you reached for a hand emotionally. You probably didn't see their small gestures as anything serious. Or you probably was so afraid that they had bad intentions upon helping you. Although you start to see that this person is a person who can really handle a lot of different emotions. Remember love starts with the smallest gestures. Love is not always grand gestures or flashy over the top feelings. Love is sometimes a whisper, or a touch of the hand, a squeeze or a smile. Love can bloom in strange settings or strange ways that no one really understands. That is why love will always be the one thing nobody can ever explain. Because it happens to each of us differently and in different ways. So take a moment and look around you. What do see? Take a moment and listen to what you hear. Do you hear how valued and respected you are? If you do than don't respond with fear because that is the killer of love. Respond with openness and joy.

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Expect the unexpected

With all this being said, most of us when rebuilding from a breakup put up a lot more expectations for the next person. That is not always a bad thing by any means. Sometimes it really is necessary to protect yourself. Although sometimes those expectations can be unrealistic. You CAN'T predict or control a relationship with someone else. Why? Simply because we are human and our will always be our own. If you go into a relationship with the intent to break someone's will or destroy what they want to accomplish. Guess what? You already failed your relationship. Even if you do manage to do that you will have to deal with the resentment, bitterness, anger, jealously and hostile feelings this person will grow for you. Especially because you are completing what your will wants too do. That will make person your with feel not valued. Which ultimately will come to a boiling point and will be the very reason your relationship failed. When you try to predict when, how, and where your going to fall in love, or when your going to married, or how your marriage is going to be, your setting yourself up for a disappointing failure. Why? Your time line will never happen that's why. Emotions are uncontrollable. You can't say in three months I'm going to be in love. That doesn't make sense right? Love doesn't happen on a time line. It doesn't happen by routine, it just happens. Who is to say who marries and who doesn't? Just because someone doesn't marry you in two years doesn't mean they don't plan on it ever. If you set a time line you will be disappointed. Now when I say expect the unexpected, I mean you must not misjudge anyone. You NEVER know what someone is or isn't capable of. You only know what you experience and you must be wise. Learn to listen instead of judge...who knows what you might start to understand. You could have the person your going to spend the rest of your life with in front of you. You could learn to stay away from someone who doesn't love for the right reasons. Or even at all.


Breaking up isn't easy!

My final advice is to you my readers is stop looking at the negative parts of a breakup. Under the worse situations is a lot of wisdom, experience, happiness, and joy. You just have to be willing to live for YOUR own happiness and not someone else's. Who gives a damn how they feel? Seriously did they think how you felt when things got ugly? Nope they still did what they wanted to do or you will still be together right? Exactly, I know how hard it is to face the fact that it just isn't working out. I know how much harder it is to walk away and not look back. Although, what doesn't kill us makes us stronger. As long as your living you will find love again. The question is will you be prepared for it? Will you accept it without limitations? Will you make it work if it is meant be? The most perfect marriage, or relationship isn't because their perfect people. It is because they are two not perfect people who refuse to not give up on each other! I'm not saying by any means to go right out after a breakup and fall in love with the closest random person you can find. I am saying work on your own happiness and then look around you. Love could be there all along. Now I will caution that you USE extremely good judgement because this is YOUR life. If your not ready don't force yourself to be, if it is meant to be it can wait a couple of moons until your ready. Just don't expect anyone to be perfect because it will not be. They will have some dark things about themselves that is crazy. Just like everyone else including yourself. The point is, are you strong enough to walk into the darker crazy side of their life? You must always remember that no matter how dark it is, if their is love there will be light again. It is a balance, sometimes it will be good times and sometimes their will be bad times. The question is does the good out weigh the bad? Focus on yourself and lastly let the good times roll!! Thank you for reading my article if you would like to leave a comment at the bottom of the page please do so respectfully. All hateful rude comments will be deleted, all comments done in a tasteful manner are respected and appreciated. Until next time readers ciao!


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      Stone 3 years ago

      Pleasing you should think of sohtmeing like that