- Gender and Relationships»
The Importance of the Man in the Home
Many important aspects of society were lost in the industrial revolution and are now being rediscovered. For example, during this revolution, millions of people migrated to cities, and so now we have our major metropolitan areas. People are now beginning to discover that as people we were made to dwell in nature, rather than the concrete jungle. As a response many are leaving the cities to live in a rural setting. They realize the importance of connecting to nature. Just as important as that is, many are now beginning to realize another important aspect of society that has been lost- the role of the man in the home. Men have been missing in action for some time now. It is time for us as men to realize just how necessary we are to our wives and to our children. I am not attempting in this article to spell out the specifics of how to function in the home, as I will do that in later articles. Here, we will discuss the value of men to their families.
It has often been said that 'if momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.' As true as that can be, often our mood and outlook on life as men is what affects our family. The way we treat our wives and children more often than not affects their mood, their outlook on life, and their attitude toward us. We hold such an important role in our homes.
Why Men have disappeared from the home
On a grand scale men are missing in homes across Western culture. More and more women are raising children on their own. It is not at all uncommon to hear about or know of single mothers. These women are stretched beyond their limits as they must work outside the home, take the kids to school, and do a myriad of other tasks to survive on a day to day basis. Before we can discover the important role that men play in their families, we must first discover why men have disappeared in the home.
1. Industrial revolution
While the industrial revolution has brought many good benefits to society, such as family wage jobs and affordable means to conveniences such as cars, it also has had negative effects on society such as taking the man out of the home. Before the industrial revolution men worked on the farm or in some other capacity with the family. The whole family worked together to provide a living for the family. Now the man, and the woman, goes away to another location to work. In many cases, such as with business travelers, the man goes thousands of miles away to work. This phenomenon has wreaked havic on the home, not allowing the man to be intimately involved with his wife and children.
Another cause of absent men in the home is immaturity on the man's part. Many men have children or get married before they are mature enough to handle the responsibilities of a family. They get married with the wrong motivation or perspective on marriage, or they have children purely out of a selfish desire for sex. Because they are immature, they leave the woman to fend for herself.
3. Inability to solve problems
Many men are missing from the home, because they either lack the desire or ability to solve problems with their wife. Rather than sticking it out through the hard times, they leave. This creates a whole array of problems for both the woman and the children. This leaves women and children emotionally wrecked, and creates heartache and pain that never gets resolved.
4. Lack of understanding of their value
Many men simply do not understand their valuable role in the home. They often do not fully comprehend the role they play in the development of the children, and the role they play with their wife's emotional fulfillment. Men must be educated so that they understand their importance to their family. They must also be equipped with the tools to effectively function as husbands and fathers. There are many good resources available for men to learn how to be the man in the home.
How men affect their wives
When we were dating our future brides we treated them with respect. We tended to be gentle and caring with them. Somewhere along the way we came to believe that was no longer necessary. Somehow we were decieved into thinking that they no longer needed a caring touch from us. If we are to have a vibrant relationship with our wives, we must treat them with the care and respect they deserve. They are a gift to us and must be viewed as such. Our wives are not a punching bag. They are not a disposable piece of trash to be thrown around physically and emotionally. They are a gift from God to be treated with gentleness and love. Let's look at a list of ways men affect their wives both positively and negatively.
As men, we have a definite impact on how fulfilled our wives are on the emotional level. Men and women have an emotional tank that needs filling. We fill our wife's emotional tank by spending time with them, talking with them, listening to them, and connecting with them according to their needs. All women are not the same. Some women receive emotional fulfillment through talking, while others receive it through receiving gifts from us. As we study our wives, and simply ask them what brings them fulfillment, we can experience a connection that rarely exists between a man and his wife.
We can also affect our wives in a negative way on the emotional level. We can bury our wives emotionally. We do this through harsh words, put downs, and any other way that does not encourage and lift up our wives. As men, we can be rough with our wives. The way men talk to each other at work should not be a pattern for how they talk to their wives. We need to be careful that we treat our wives with gentleness and respect.
Men affect their wives physically as well. The way we treat our wives can affect them physically. If we are harsh with our wives, it can create sickness within their bodies. Too, if we are encouraging to our wives and bringing emotional fulfillment to them, it can have positive effects on their health.
Another way men affect their wives physically is through the way we touch them. Either we touch them in an affectionate way or we touch them in an abusive way. Men should never be guilty of physically assaulting their wives. If this is something that you are guilty of, please stop and begin the process of reconciling with your wife. Instead of abusing her, begin to use the physical touch to affirm her as a person.
In looking at the spiritual affect we have in the home, I am not referring to religion. I am speaking of the fact that we are spiritual in nature. That is, we as humans have a spiritual dimension to us. When we say something demeaning to someone, it is referred to as 'crushing their spirit'. There is an unseen part of each person that is called the spirit which is the core of who that person really is. It is the part that defines their personality, their character, their inner thoughts, and so on. As men, we must connect with our wives on a spiritual level. That is, our spirits must connect. On the positive side, as we connect with our wives on other levels we begin to connect with them on the spiritual level, which is a deep, intimate connection. On the other hand, as we distance ourselves emotionally, we leave our wives and children spiritually vulnerable and open to predetors in their various forms. We must make sure that we positively affect our family on the spiritual level.
Now that we understand how we affect our families, especially our wives, let's look at the important role we play in the life of our family.
The Importance of the Man in the Home
As men, we play an extremely valuable role in the home. So far, I have mostly focused on our role with our wives, but I want to show how important we are to our children as well. Nothing can replace you as the man in your home.
1. Our importance to our wives
As stated earlier, we play a valuable part in bringing fulfillment to our wives. When a man leaves his home, no matter how much pain is involved, the woman feels empty due to his absence. The reason for that is that there are intangibles that men touch within their wife. There are ways that cannot be defined or seen on the surface in which men complete their wives.
Too, just as a woman's strengths can make up for her husbands weaknesses, a man's strengths can make up for his wife's weaknesses. When he leaves the home, the strengths go with him.
Our wives crave our attention. They don't just want our attention, though, they also want our presence. They long to be with us. My relationship with my wife improves during the times that I simply am with her. A couple weeks ago, we enjoyed a long weekend together due to it being a holiday weekend. On Monday my wife commented on how much she enjoyed the weekend. I could tell that she was in an escpecially good mood. I began to think back, trying to figure out what we did that was so amazing. We stayed home, and did a couple things around town, but that was it. So, I asked her why it was such a good weekend. She responded by saying that it was because I was home. That blew me away. I can't do a lot of things, but I can be home. That's easy. That's simple. By that statement she was telling me how important I am to her well being. Our wives understand how important we as men are to the home, and it is time we understood that as well.
2. Our importance to our children
Not only do our wives realize our importance as men, but our children see it as well. The man and woman working together in bringing up kids help to develop well rounded children. Studies have shown that men bring certain qualities to the table in raising children, whereas women bringing other important qualities to the home in raising children. Girls tend to develop their relationship with men according to their relationship with their father. Girls who have a healthy relationship with their father tend to marry good men. On the other hand it has been observed in studies that prostitutes mostly come from homes where they were sexually abused by their father. There are always exceptions, but the trend tends towards these results.
On the other hand, while boys tend to develop their relationship with women according to their relationship with their mother, they learn how to be men according to their father. As the father treats his wife, so the boys tend to treat their wives as they marry. As the father treats the children, so the boys tend to treat their children. As men we hold such an extremely important position in the formation of the children. It is critical that we learn to relate properly to our wives, and to our children, as we will affect the next generation.
I want to close by encouraging the men reading this that you can be successful as a husband and a father. It is hard work. There are many things coming against you. Hollywood and the advertising industry are not on your side. If you are struggling as the man in your home, I encourage you to connect with other men who are doing it right, and learn from them and get their support. If you are a man who is absent from your home, I encourage you to go back to your family if that is possible. They need you. They want you. Admit where you were wrong and gain their forgiveness. Then, begin the process of healing and learning how to do it right. You can't change the world, but you can change your world. You can't change society, but you can affect the next generation through your children. You may not be a hero, but if you will be the husband your wife desires, you will be her hero. Begin today to live out your role in your home.