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The Long Distance Relationship: Why it Doesn't Always Work

Updated on May 23, 2018
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Fernando is a millennial writer, natural philosopher, and Mechanical Engineer looking to reinterpret social subtleties and add social value.

Yes, it is possible, but there has to be a strong connection between the two people. For example, although this is going to sound plain, rude, and lacking of sympathy, the chances of two people, who have met online and are continuing a long distance relationship, succeeding is fairly low. I can say this from experience because I know a lot of friends that have tried this at some point. Me, included, are one of those people that have failed at this attempt. Actually, there are a lot of people that have tried this at some point. The main problem here is that we don't live forever on earth. There is no point in wasting most of our time waiting for the perfect moment to meet the other person. In order to increase the chances of success, you have to find a way to meet the other person and to get closer to that person as soon as possible. Unfortunately, the fall is usually because one of the two parties ends up moving on. They end up realizing that the distance is just too much, so they call it quits and either postpone their plans or try to find some other way to call it a complete loss.

It Takes Two to Tango

You know, our first relationship always feels amazing. But then it's also the one that hurts the most. You become so attached to that person that it feels like you're dying when the other person isn't around.

If you've ever experienced an unwanted break-up, you know what I mean.

We begin to tear ourselves down, asking, "what did I do wrong? Why wasn't I good enough? What could I have done better?" We begin to think about the future, how it could have been. We think it through pretty thoroughly, but in the wrong direction. At some point, we come to the conclusion that it just wasn't the right time, or we just weren't compatible.

Let me throw an A-ha moment to you: you were probably right assuming there was an incompatibility. If you were thinking otherwise, you are still lost.

I have always had a theory that you probably won't hear anywhere else: if we break-up, and it never works out after that, it probably wasn't me. In fact, she probably found out we were incompatible sooner than I could. If she would have learned to stick through it, I probably would have broken up with her because I would have came to the same conclusions as she did when she broke up with me!

Wow, that's a mouthful, I know. But just what does this have to do with long-distance relationships?

Easy. If it doesn't work, it just doesn't work.

There's no point in making it any more complicated than it has to be. Both of you are in a long-distance relationship, probably too many miles away from each other. I'll talk more about this in the next point, but for now, understand it takes two to tango.


Lost Opportunities

You have to be realistic with each other. Both of you are obviously far away from each other. And that shouldn't be a problem. In fact, distance should never be a problem.

My dad has always told me to not drive out so late. He has also always told me to not be driving out so far. Well, guess what: I never cared. Whether the girl is 100 miles away -- like my girlfriend -- or a million miles away, you need to make it work somehow if you are serious about her.

But that's the problem. This relationship of yours is 2X more likely to fail because now you have to rely on the other person being as loyal as you are. For example, let's say you are in love with the girl and she is in love with you. Both of you are being weighed down with the fact that you're both in a relationship, but in different area codes. Now, after years of avoiding all of the cute girls and guys around both of you, you feel like you're missing out. Well, both of you. Or, maybe just her. Or you. I'm sure you get the point.

It's only a matter of time before someone gives out. This falls in line with the other point above. If one of you gives up, it's over. But, here's the thing. Your girlfriend has now broken up with you because she has found someone around her. Now, you're stuck single and you have been avoiding and ditching girls for 3 and a half years. What now?

You have essentially wasted some time chasing this one woman that was not being honest with you. Love is more about staying loyal to the cause rather than just deciding to leave because of the inconvenience. You have to find a woman that will ride and die for you -- and you have to do the same for her -- or else I'll be right by saying long-distance relationships just don't work. It's completely up to you and her to figure things out.

Thing is, that's why I'm not attracted to long-distance relationships. It's not usually me. It's the fact that the other person tires too quickly. What I found so interesting in her is one thing. But it's not a guarantee she will be as interested in me as I am into her, especially with all of these guys hitting her up!

So, I suppose I'm not saying long-distance relationships are a bad thing. However, it's important to really understand where this relationships stands. If it's serious, you should be trying to make the move. ASAP. If it's more of a casual thing, forget about it. If it's more of a date -- and you're not entirely sure yet, but you like her anyways -- just chill out about it. Don't worry about it too much, you know?

The important thing is to find some sort of boundary in the middle. Be realistic about what you're doing, what you're pursuing, and make sure to never lose so much respect for yourself as to end up chasing for a girl head-over-heels. At least, not until you know she's That into you.

So, What's the Solution to This Long-Distance Relationship?

Easy. Do whatever the hell you want to do.

I am infamous for saying this, but there shouldn't be one person who truly understands how you feel. Not even your spouse.

The English Language does a great job of being a medium for communication, just like any other language. However, there is always a slight inaccuracy when you try to equate what comes out of our mouths and how we actually feel.

In reality, for me to tell you it's not going to work out might be completely wrong. Also, for me to tell you it's going to work out might also be off the charts. Only you will be qualified to make that decision.

Of course, there is some hope. I believe in humanity, and I'm sure it's easy and evident to notice if things are going to work out. If you see the usual signs of her staying interested, that's a good sign.

If she's being extremely distant and is all of a sudden going out a lot, run for the mountains. Run for your life and guard your heart.

I wish you the best, regardless. I never like to ill wish for anyone. Even if this article wasn't supposed to exactly support long-distance relationships. However, for the sake of having a heart and a little bit of hope, I hope it works out for someone. Maybe that someone will be you.

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    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 

      13 months ago

      No Light At The End Of The Tunnel

      You must define what is "making a long distance relationship work." Do you mean it leads to a marriage or is it just a certain amount of time as in a year, two years, or three years...marriage?

      Long distance relationships were meant to be temporary. The goal is to be with the person you love. When there is no "count down" towards the day when one person moves it's likely one of you will eventually want to throw in the towel. It’s imperative to schedule regular visits if possible. However no amount of phone calls, emails, text, Skype, or sporadic visits can cement a relationship in the same way as being together.

      At some point someone has to make a move. A long distance relationship without “a light at the end of the tunnel” is likely to fail. It’s the counting down the months, weeks, and days until you are finally done with the inconvenience of being in a long distance relationship that keeps it strong.

      To sail a ship without a course or destination eventually gets old. The only reason for being in a long distance relationship is the belief she or he might be “the one”. If you’re just passing the time with someone or dating for fun you might as well do that locally.

      One man's opinion! :)

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