- Gender and Relationships
The Science of Love In A Relationship
Love at first sight...
One of the great scenes in the play, “Fiddler On The Roof,” by Joseph Stein, finds the main character, Tevye, asking his wife Golda, “Do you love me?” She responds, “Do I love you?" That question speaks to what may be the deepest hunger of the human soul - Yes you guessed it, to love and be loved. In psychology we call it “being attached,” or “attachment.”
Acoording to Dr. Hattfield, there are two basic types of love: compassionate love and passionate love. Compassionate love is characterized by mutual respect, attachment, affection, and trust. Compassionate love usually develops out of feelings of mutual understanding and shared respect for one another. Passionate love is characterized by intense emotions, sexual attraction, anxiety, and affection.
Falling in love can be a great or even bad experience for some people. Someone might feel as if they are on cloud nine and some may feel that they are just not there yet. Love does take time and it does take a lot for it to develop. But once that moment comes you have to let yourself go of all things and feel the greatest feeling on earth...Love. As you may know and from my studies during Literature class, I know that the Bible clearly says " Love is always patient and kind. It is never jelous. Love is never boastful or conceeded. It is never rude or selfish. It does not take offense. It is not resentful.."
It's not just what you say..
Scientists have researched a lot on this topic of love and logic. Psychologists have shown it takes between 90 seconds and 4 minutes to decide if you fancy someone. Research has shown this has little to do with what is said, rather: 55% is through body language (Actions speak louder than words), 38% is the tone and speed of their voice, Only 7% is through what they say.
To me there are 3 stages of love and relationship. Lust, Attraction and lastly Attachment. The first stage lust is mostly driven by sex hormones, testosterones and estrogen. Love, real love, is about commitment and communication. These two important components lead to stability within a relationship. Of course, fire can be part of the equation, but when there’s lots of drama, chaos and more emotional gut blows than butterflies - This is the lustful situation!
The next stage is - Attraction. This is the amazing time when you are truly love-struck and can think of little else. Scientists think that three main neurotransmitters are involved in this stage; adrenaline, dopamine and serotonin. Adrenaline! The initial stages of falling for someone activates your stress response, increasing your blood levels of adrenalin and cortisol. This has the charming effect that when you unexpectedly bump into your new love, you start to sweat, your heart races and your mouth goes dry and oh yes the butterflies in the stomach! The chemical Dopamine stimulates ‘desire and reward’ by triggering an intense rush of pleasure. It has the same effect on the brain as taking cocaine! It is shown that couples often show the signs of surging dopamine: increased energy, less need for sleep or food, focused attention and exquisite delight in smallest details of this novel relationship. And finally, Serotonin. One of love's most important chemicals that may explain why when you’re falling in love, your new lover keeps popping into your thoughts.
...Love and Be Loved...
Hormones, the brain and everything else..
Oxytocin, or otherwise known as the love hormone is released on several occasions. The hormone's influence on our behavior and physiology originates in the brain, where it's produced by the by a structure called the hypothalamus, and then transfers to the pituitary gland which releases into the bloodstream. The first thing is that pregnant women with higher levels of oxytocin during their first trimester bonded more strongly with their babies after they were born. According to Dr. Ellison, she has mentioned that "For people who can really get into the sensualness of hugging and cuddling, that is the hormone released in this process. For people who don't get into it, maybe they're not releasing the oxytocin. It may be a circular thing." It probably deepens the feelings of attachment and makes couples feel much closer to one another after they have had sex. The theory goes that the more sex a couple has, the deeper their bond becomes.
The other hormone that we have to mention is called Vasopressin, this is another important hormone in the long-term commitment stage and is released after sex. Vasopressin (also called anti-diuretic hormone) works with your kidneys to control thirst. Its potential role in long-term relationships was discovered when scientists looked at the prairie vole. Ironically, high cortisol levels can interfere with the normal production of both testosterone and oxytocin, hampering both men and women from their attempts at stress reduction.
When a man’s testosterone level is adequate, it allows him to become the “emergency man” in urgent situations where he needs to focus keenly, step up, and solve a problem. In fact, solving problems is so satisfying that it may cause some men’s testosterone levels to actually rise, while stress hormones like cortisol come down.
Now looking a little bit more in depth for " love at first sight". Some people might argue that there is no such thing but at the same time there are couples who says that " Oh it was love at first sight." Well let's take a closer look today. First, love at first sight as a concept still survives and is the basis of many a modern romantic comedy film or romance novel (and yes I was thinking about Romeo and Juliet - Shakespeare), but it has also been given credence through scientific research. A number of studies carried out in recent years conclude that it is in fact physically possible due to the release of chemicals in the brain that affect the intellect and cognitive functions - producing a feeling of euphoria. And to gives you a clear explanation of what Euphoria is, it pretty much means the state of mental and emotional condition in which the person gets a feeling of excitement, happiness and well-being.
Why Do We Fall In Love?
Falling in love
There are special feelings like the ones of protecting that one special person from all worldly sufferings. To be able to stay awake for the consecutive nights to nurse your bed ridden husband or boyfriend or fiance. That sinking moment when your wife cries profoundly on your shoulder. And that rejoicement of the heart when you’re finally able to see each other after a month’s long wait. Oh the beauty of falling in love! Some might fear the possibility of rejection, which overrides their enjoyment of falling in love. Others may be scared about committing to the relationship, or be needy and clingy, and as a result, it pretty much drives their lover away. Some may dive in straight to the relationship, secure in their hopes that this might be the relationship that lasts for a life time. These patterns are thought to start in the early stages of development, and reflect the parent and child relationship.
Love, Trust and Joy...
TAKE A VOTE!
Are you :
Helen Fisher - The Brain In Love
"Love is always patient and kind..."
In love or not? - Conclusion
Well, overall it can be said conclusively that love is one of the most delightful feelings of our lives. It makes us feel great or even sad. But we should never give up. It is quite true about the saying “love is blind” because you never know when your brain will encounter love and the person it will have stuck in there . A significant number of chemical reactions are involved in instigating lust, attraction, attachment, and love between couples. When love happens it's a great feeling that no one wants to let go.
Thank you, M
Love & Relationships
© 2015 Mahsa S