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The Man vs. Sex Without Commitment

Updated on March 1, 2013

Not wifey, just another jump-off

Double Standard, But True

A single man who has multiple women is similar to a basketball coach. He has his star player who is always reliable in the tough situations (ex. need to borrow money, need some sex, etc.). He has his role players that don't show up every night, but every now and then they step up to the plate and play a good game (lonely Friday nights when the star player is with her boyfriend). Then he has his bench players that don't necessarily play in the game every night, but they're ready to come in soon as their name is called upon, and have the potential to one day become a role player (basically the women that barely get texts). Some coaches have more players than others, but some just maintain that one star player that plays the game well enough that no other teammates are necessary.

Some women believe that it is OK for them to also have a team. They feel as though if a man can do it, why can't they? A woman may say, "We have needs just like men, so why is it so wrong that we like to have a little casual sex every now and then without commitment?" Let's answer this question head on.

Although some men juggle multiple sex partners at a time, they don't feel that this is appropriate behavior for a woman. First of all, it is easier for a woman to accept a man's past than vice versa. Men have egos which are boosted by things such as the car they drive, the amount of money in their pockets, and the women that they keep. If every man had the same cars, women, and amount of money then no man would be special. A man's ego is what sets him apart from others. If a man has a woman who has had multiple partners without commitment, then he looks at her as "just another girl." Other men have already experienced this woman without a relationship, so he doesn't feel that sex with her is a privilege. He just feels that he just so happened to be the next in line.

Many men don't feel the need to build a committed relationship with a woman who has "jumpoffs" because it feels like extra work. Why buy the milk when you can get the cow for free? If the previous men she had sex with didn't have to establish a relationship with her in order to get the sex, why should he? Its like a college degree. Let's say you were enrolled in school and it took you 5 years to obtain your bachelor's degree. It was a long hard journey, so once it finally ends, you have obtained the prize and you feel more completed. Now how would you feel if someone else enrolled in the same school and achieved the same degree, but it only took them two days to get it? They simply walked into the university, filled out some paperwork, and got the hard work at all. I myself would feel like I wasted all my time working towards something I could've gotten in two days. Now let's transfer this concept to that of a woman. You have developed feelings for a woman and it took you five years to finally have sex with her. You later come to find out that before you, she had sex with a man that she had only known for two days. Do you still feel accomplished? Do you feel like you earned something even though it only took another man two days to earn the same thing? To the average man, NO.

Making a woman who believes in casual sex a girlfriend can be dangerous for a man. Every time he comes in contact with someone she has previously had sex with and a commitment was never involved, he feels less of a man. He doesn't feel that her body is a "gift". He's looking at that other guy as if he did the right thing by "hitting it and quitting it." He's saying to himself, "If I would've known it was that easy, I never would have put a ring on it." Men also have EXTREMELY vivid imaginations. After a man has built a connection with a woman who has had "jump-offs" in the past, he thinks about all those other men she's dealt with. When coming into contact with those men or just achieving knowledge of what they look like, the imagination just runs wild. He can see his woman doing everything to that man that she has done to him. He's asking questions like, "How long did were they having sex?" and "Who's better at or him?" Sad......but true.

To all of the women that read this, understand that this wasn't written to stray you away from sex. If you are single and have no intention of finding a relationship, then by all means live life. But if you claim you are seeking a relationship and just giving it up to whoever and whenever, understand that men pay close attention to this. It is your responsibility to show that man that you are worth way more than just being his next, "jump-off." It is your job to show that man that you are a potential asset to his life, and you don't give up those goods to just anybody. When a man accomplishes a long-term goal, it brings about a feeling of self-fulfilment, which boosts the ego. Make sure you be the best woman you can be by only giving the goods to those who have earned it so that your next man can say, "I worked hard to get this woman, and I gotta be the best man I can be to maintain that privilege of having her in my life."


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    • calhounn2 profile image

      The Rude Gentleman 4 years ago from South Carolina

      Very well said. Timing is the issue for most men, and some men are ready much earlier before others. I have older friends in their 30s who still have yet to settle down. On the other hand, I have a couple of friends who are under 21 who have already made that step. It just all depends if that man is ready or not.

      And I like that statement, "One man's booty call is another man's wife for life" true :).

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 4 years ago

      Voted up!

      When a man is "into" a woman he treats her one way and if he is NOT he will treat her a different way. I honestly believe a "booty call" like "beauty" is in the eye of the beholder.

      One man's "booty call" is another man's "wife for life". :-)

      The main reasons why men don't "commit" are "timing" (not ready) or they don't feel she is "the one." Since (most men) eventually (do) get married I would say "timing" is the main issue.

      Had I met the "perfect girl" in college I still would not have gotten married at age 21 or 22. That is the "adventure phase" for most men. The last thing they're thinking about is getting married, paying a mortgage, and having children. Not many guys are in a hurry to become their parents! If a woman in her 20s is "ready" to get married she might do better to date men in their early 30s. Awhile back I wrote a hub on this topic.