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Independent By Default

Updated on July 31, 2014

Glorifying independence is cool... or is it?

As I sit and think about the songs glorifying the independent status of women, I can't help but think about the impact these songs have had on a generation? Lyrics from songs such as Independent Women by Destiny's Child and Miss Independent by Neyo made popular in the last decade, are imbedded in the minds of the masses. So what, if any,are the consequences of living this independent lifestyle and how will it affect a woman's chances of finding a mate?

Being independent is not always a matter of choice but a matter of necessity

Whether you're an independent woman or not, we are all trying to make it.

Statistics don't lie

According to the article above on, 70% of professional black women are unmarried. There are many theories as to why this is. But how do we change it?

Some women seem better off single

I do not know Halle Berry personally, but I'm sure she didn't plan to be a single mother much like I didn't plan to be this independent woman I've become. I don't think the majority of women I know had this life in mind during their younger years. When I was younger I dreamed of being a wife to a loving husband who provided for me, but for varying reasons, it hasn't happened.

Since early childhood, I knew I wanted things in life, so I set out to get them. I began working while I was in high school. I learned early on that I couldn't control my relationships with the opposite sex so I began to focus on other things such as my education.

I also knew that I needed and wanted things in my life so I worked hard to get them because as I saw it, no one was going to just give me the things I wanted or needed, and if they did, there would be some type of price tag attached. So I became independent by default.

Is the fact that I have attained many things on my own a deterrent for men I find myself attracted to? Does it show them I wlll not settle for less than I deserve? Or could this be an excuse we use to explain why we are still single?

There is an upside to this whole situation; apparently I can consider myself a "bad broad" because I have my own career, my own home, and my own car; this is all according hip-hop artist Webbie of course.

You remember the catchy-yet-annoying song that taught all illiterate people how to spell I-n-d-e-p-e-n-d-e-n-t? But do you know what that means?

I-n-d-e-p-e-n-d-e-n-t... apparently means "single"

Your favorite independent woman song

Which one is your favorite song about independent women?`

See results

Pursue romantic relationships like you pursue other goals

Every independent woman's story is as unique as her fingerprints. Some decided to wait until career and finances were in place first before pursuing romantic relationships while others have been waiting for the man with all the qualities on her list to appear one starry night. But what can an independent woman do to improve her chances at finding "the one"?

It's simple. Apply the same aggressive and necessity based attitude you used to obtain your career, home, and other goals to the search for your mate. It can be frustrating to have the ability to work hard and obtain all the things you want, except for a quality man, so maybe a change in tactic will do the trick.

Either you will change the way you look at your independent nature and use it to your advantage, or just wait for a miracle to one day change your facebook status from "single" to "in a relationship".

But ain't nobody got time to just sit back and watch things happen! You are an independent woman. And whether that is by default or by choice, you can make it work for you.

Bey got him to "put a ring on it", so can you


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    • Melodie Yarber profile imageAUTHOR

      Mellenium Wins 

      4 years ago

      Ditto scorpio

    • dashingscorpio profile image


      4 years ago

      You're welcome! I look forward to reading your next hub.

    • dashingscorpio profile image


      4 years ago

      Voted up! Very well written article.

      One of the major issues rarely talked about is a many pregnancies of unwed mothers are NOT by accident. In many instances young girls who feel they are "in love" will have sex with boys/men without using any birth control.

      While it is true that ultimately both are responsible for the conception legally only the woman can make the decision if a birth will take place. No matter how much a man begs a woman to "have my baby" it is still (her) decision in the end.

      Naturally some would argue "It' against my religion" to terminate a pregnancy. However if they looked closely it's probably against their religion to have sex out of wedlock. Nevertheless my point is there are no "accidental births". A woman has a child because she wants to.

      Some mistakes made during youth are extremely difficult to overcome. Chief among them is having a child before: completing one's education, establishing a career that will support him/her, and making sure you have chosen the right person to marry and co-parent with.

      We also have an issue where there are still many women in the black community who do not have (career) dreams for themselves. Several years ago I overheard two women in store talking and one said to the other: "Girl, I need to hurry up and find me a man to pay off my bills." followed with laughter. It's important to have big goals to strive for.

      Each of us chooses our own friends, lovers, and spouse. Another obstacle for a lot of black women is (they choose) to limit their options when it comes dating. In another incident I heard a woman once say; "I like a man who has some (thug) in him". Truth be told not many "thugs" have a stable work history, a 401K, or good credit. Most likely they have been arrested at least once. These types of men usually do not make the best husbands and fathers in the world. You are responsible for your choices. Another hot topic deals with the resistance of black women concerning dating outside of their race. There are over 7 Billion people on this planet! If someone says they're only open to dating a black person they could be eliminating over 6 billion people sight unseen! Naturally the fewer options one allows for them self the more difficult it will be for them to find a good mate. All of these things come down to personal choices and decisions. People have a right to make bad ones.

      Rumor has it Bey and Jay are headed towards divorce court. Allegedly he has been cheating on her with multiple women.

      I apologize for the length of this comment but it's a very interesting topic!


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