- Gender and Relationships»
The wife keeping secrets?
Trust, Communication and Respect are the key foundations in any marriage. And if you don't have them, you might as well not be married. Ladies, you'd like to think that your husband is the one person on earth who knows you the best. He knows what you look like when you first crawl out of bed, the fact that you may snore louder than a chainsaw, he's seen you in your birthday suit and knows what you look like behind the makeup. But, does the man you vowed to spend the rest of your life with, really know you? Well I guess you'd like to think he does. But maybe the question should be.....does he need to know everything? Of course he doesn't. There are things that our husband really doesn't need to know. Every woman is entitled to their own treasure chest of secrets. So what are the important things you should share with your spouse no matter what? Well I'll tell you....These secrets are going to touch the core. They are the deeper secrets that involve things like money, life, and even sex. So hold on to that chair, we are in for a bumpy ride!
Do you maybe have some money issues?
Now with money issues I'm not talking about a little over spending when you go to the grocery store. Or those cute little black pumps that may be hiding in the back of your closet! Tisk tisk ladies!
I'm talking big things....Like loans or other money issues that may cripple you if something should happen?
25% of women hide purchases from their partners. And it's not even hiding purchases that can ultimately ruin a marriage. Stashing money can also have a big impact.
So if there is something you are hiding from your spouse, be it a loan or a bank account, now is the time to come clean.
Trusting your spouse to be in your corner should be at the top of your list. So open up and tell him about your money troubles.
Is your relationship going south?
Marriage is a lot different than when you two were dating. The "honeymoon" phase is over and life may seem to have gotten a bit on the monotonous side. You may face the same routines over and over again and feel a bit on the trapped side. It's OK to have these feelings. I'm sure all married couples go through the rut of monotony at a point or two in their marriages. But if you really want the marriage to work you have to open up. Again I point out the communication skills you were born with. Your spouse will never know how unhappy you really are unless you open up and tell him. There is nothing wrong with being open and honest about your feelings.
Opening up about being unhappy is a good way to express what you want, and where you want your marriage to go from here on out. And the man who vowed to love you through anything will respect you more for coming clean.
So talk about it before the distance separates the two of you for good. The key is to bring up the touchy subjects like boredom and resentment before the damage is done. And act quickly, no matter how much the subject hurts. It could resolve a lot of issues for the both of you. Thus making your marriage more open and honest in the end.
If the topic of sex is iffy with you, then move on to the next segment. But ladies lets be a little bit honest here. Faking it at times is OK. Faking it ALL the time is not. We have all done it at one point or another in our lives and even, I'm sure, with our spouses. But if your sex life is so unsatisfying that you are faking it all the time just to "get it over with" then you need to sit down with your spouse and talk about it.
The topic of sex isn't something we want to sit down and discuss, especially if it is unsatisfying. But the issues should be addressed if you are not being satisfied by your partner. Don't feel like it's your fault that you can't climax, or that it might embarrass or hurt your husbands feelings. Talk with your spouse about the possibility of introducing new techniques or positions to spice it up a bit and help you out in return.
Are you getting sick?
The topic of ones health isn't to be taken lightly. Weather you have kidney disease, develop cancer of some sort, are anorexic, bulimic, diabetic or whatever the case may be. Don't keep it a secret. Suffering in silence hurts you and the ones around you. So if something is happening to your health then you need to speak up. Your husband vowed "in sickness and in health" so trust him enough to be in your corner, and to get you the help you need. There is no better support system than the man you love.
Your body will always be your own, but once you are committed in marriage your health affects everyone around you, your spouse included. Your spouse needs to know where you stand on certain health aspects so that he can be your support system and also help you in your time of need.
Do you have a traumatic past?
Events that are traumatic, be it in childhood, college, or life before your husband, don't always affect us at the exact moment they happen. The trauma of an event could come when you least expect it. So hiding something that happened to you in the past from your spouse could come back to tear you apart later in your marriage if you don't open up about it now.
I know things like sexual traumas aren't something most women are ready to tell their respective spouses about the minute the engagement ring is on the finger. These topics are very touchy and sensitive. Often enough, the only thing keeping a woman from telling their spouse about a past abuse or rape is fear. Don't feel embarrassed about opening up to your spouse. And don't feel like you'll be judged either. Your husband is your teammate and should be in your corner no matter what. Ultimately hiding these kinds of secrets can cause undo stress on your marriage and drive the two of you apart.
If you are having trouble opening up about an abuse of some sort, consult with a psychiatrist first and take it from there. The journey reliving it will be hard, but it can lift a heavy burden in the end.