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- Advice & Tips for Men in Relationships
Women in Relationships with Borderline Personality Disorder
Your girlfriend picks fights with little or no provocation. She acts irrationally over the most trivial reasons. She lies constantly and you don't know why. You say she's just overly stressed from work. It's time to wake up because you may be dating a woman with BPD or Borderline Personality Disorder. This personality disorder occurs more frequently in women than men, and because this is a personality disorder, it is difficult to treat; however, one of the best things for women with this disorder to do is receive Dialectical Behavior Therapy and possibly medication. In the meantime, you can protect yourself and learn about certain traits or red flags that will tell you whether your significant other has BPD.
1) She will be overly sensitive- borderlines will cry at almost everything and will take offense to almost everything as well. Even if you try to save yourself and say that you meant no harm, they will cry and complain that you were trying to hurt them. borderlines sometimes display paranoid behavior. Beware of that too.
2) She will manipulate you- The reason for the manipulation stems from a great desire to have their emotional needs met, but they don't know how to ask to have their needs met in a healthy way. They feel that people are no benevolent enough to simply offer unconditional love so the only way to receive love is to manipulable their environment and the people in it.
3) They tend to create drama- Borderlines tend to create drama, discord, and arguments. It's not that they necessarily want to create drama, it's just that they don't have the necessary coping skills to deal with life's stresses, and this can come out in the form of arguing and dramatic displays of emotion.
4) Borderlines fear abandonment- Within a borderline, deep down, they fear abandonment above all else. If your girl has expressed this to you or wrongfully accuses you of abandoning her, look out. This leads me to my next point.
5) No concept of object permanence- What is object permanence? Basically psychologists say that a healthy person understands that when a person cannot observe a particular object, that person still knows the object will not change. For children object permanence takes time to develop; that is why you will see some children cry when their parents leave the room. Borderlines, like these children, still do not understand that lovers can remain the same even when the lover temporarily leaves. This is a deeply pathological way to view relationships. If you catch yourself defending yourself about going to the store, seeing friends, or spending time alone, lookout.
6) Borderlines feel tremendous emptiness- This feeling usually leads them to form unhealthy attachments. As a result, they become clingy and obsessive. A classic example of a borderline is Glenn Close's character in the movie "Fatal Attraction."
7) Suicidal Thoughts- Borderlines will often threaten suicide and will cut themselves. If your girlfriend talks about suicide at all or cuts herself, seek professional help immediately.
8) Splitting- To a borderline everything is black or white. A person is either all good or all bad. Psychologists call this splitting. One minute a borderline will love you with an all consuming passionate love because they worship you, and in a split second they may hate you with a consuming passion because they view you as a bad person. Admittedly this is confusing behavior and one of the reasons borderline usually don't sustain long-lasting or satisfying relationships.
If you are in a relationship with a woman who has BPD, understand that help is available. More importantly, she must recognize that she has a problem and is willing to seek help. You alone cannot change her; she must decide to change on her own. If she is in denial about her mental health, you may want to consider moving on. If you decide to call off the relationship, try to be as delicate as possible, because borderlines have severe abandonment issues. Otherwise seek professional help for her and hope that DBT or Dialectical Behavior Therapy and possible medication help improve the quality of your relationship.