- Gender and Relationships
Become a Master at Resolving Relationship Problems: 5 Tips
Forcing Change is Counter-Productive
You may have heard it a millions times before-that you cannot conform another person to your personal liking no matter how hard you try. Yet, you may continue to try with every manipulative emotionally, mentally and sometimes physical device at your disposal. However, the result is disappointment, anguish and hardening of wills. Trying to change our spouses in order to meet our expectations will result in a never ending relationship problem.
If your spouse is hard to get along with due to some obnoxious habit such as inattentiveness, excessive drinking, partying too much with friends, always complaining, displaying outburst of anger or threatening violence toward you and others, you will most likely engage in a losing battle if you try to change this person with your own personal strategies.
First Allow Individuality
One of the first things to do is to allow the person to be themselves. You must be aware of your spouse’s individuality. Your better half is a person with his or her own soul, body and spirit. He has been created with a will to make decisions the same as anyone else, whether such decisions are positive or negative. Overlooking this fact will only offend others. Relationships built on control will eventually fall apart emotionally or physically if both partners don’t come to some form of agreement and compromise. Healthy relationships are built on accepting one anothers good qualities as well as faults. Understanding these facts open the door for a meaningful solution for the relationship problem.
Second Chang Yourself
Many times in relationship, a spouse who has gotten to know herself has indirectly become more interesting and influential to the spouse. The tables sometimes turn positively forever. However, there may still be many things to work out in the relationship. Another option is to seek relationship counseling if the other partner is willing to strengthen the union. The bottom line is that both partners must show a willing to work those things that weaken the oneness that once kept the relationship healthy. Otherwise, without the wiliness of both partners to change the things that can be changed, the result is separation or divorce.
Reaching Understanding with Your Spouse
Sometimes the right solution is the leave, especially if the relationship is abusive or life threatening. However, for particular pet peeves such as lack of attention, sloppiness, irresponsibility, complaining, or other issues such as lack of spirituality, sociability, a compromise must be sought. In a relationship where one partners is spiritual and like to attend church services while the other likes to hang out and drink with friends on Sunday, the drama can be quite dramatic and without progress. In such relationships, understanding must be reached.
First, you must examine your own motives for wanting your partner to change. Is it to satisfy your own needs for acceptance? Are you overly dependent upon your spouse? If so you may need to get to know who you really are as a person. One way to lose your co-dependency on your spouse is to do something that you would satisfy you alone. For instance, go back to school to do something you always wanted to do or volunteer for some form of community service. By all means pray for your spouse. But getting to know yourself is not avoiding the situation with your spouse. Instead, you are becoming a person you really admire.
Rating Your Relationship
How Strong is Your Relationship?
No Perfect Relationships
No relationship is going to be perfect. You and your spouse will both have personal faults that must be accepted. This is a part of life when two people are living together. Couples who attempt to display a spotless union before family, friends and neighbors are most likely holding deep unexpressed feeling within themselves. I knew a couple who hid the faults of their marriage for many years until it exploded with anger, violence and a nasty divorce. Therefore, if you are a spouse that is hiding your true feelings and attempting to change the other, stop and seek the advice of family and friends who may have experienced a similar situation in their relationship. You will be amazed how free you feel when you can identify with someone who has gone through what you are experiencing and survived.
Accepting Your Partner’s Fault
Life is too short to waste it trying to change your spouse. Accept the things about your partners that may be irksome but not major. Keep in mind that you have faults too. Changing yourself first just might change your spouse indirectly. If this change happens, you both win The relationship problem is resolved. However, never expect perfection from your spouse or yourself. Enjoy life with one another by considering the good things that you do for one another. This is the essence of two people who truly love each other.