The Perfectly imperfect Marriage
The Imperfect but beautiful marriage
This may come as a surprise statement or even a disappointment but there is no such thing as the perfect marriage. If it is any consolation, there is the good, the happy, the ideal, the excellent, the wonderful and even the fairy tale marriage but there is no such thing as the perfect marriage but as a matter of perception or self deception.
There is usually something imperfect about most of our relationships or the capacity that we exist in as human beings. There is usually a flaw to us as human beings, imperfect beings trying to create a perfect picture for ourselves and for the world to see. One of those flaws is to try to identify ourselves or any of our relationships as being perfect. Some of our flaws make us unique beautiful individuals but none of us are perfect human beings.
I prefer the phrase and thought of the perfectly imperfect marriage to the perfect marriage. As much as we may not want to admit it, a lot of marriages like most institutions are dysfunctional functional . They are a paradox. Most institutions to society, including government organizations are not perfect but have this element of the dysfunctional to them and continue to function nevertheless. It is like having a car. In the beginning it is brand new but somewhere along the way it starts to have some mechanical issues. It still takes you to your destination but definitely has some issues and you know it does. It has become dysfunctional functional.
The great news is that organizations and society as well as marriages can still function in spite of their dysfunctional elements. The big question is why or how they become dysfunctional? If you can find the answer to that question, you find the answer to the good, happier, more ideal and wonderful marriage. The fairy tale part of marriage belongs to a happy ending. If you can find the good, the happier, the more ideal and wonderful parts to your own marriage, then you can also find the fairy tale part of the story to marriage.
The answer is people. The answer is you. Although organizations are considered to be separate legal entities they are comprised of people and run by people. They succeed or fail because of the people within the organization. They function effectively or not because of people. They become dysfunctional functional because of people. Marriages succeeds or fails for the same reason, They succeed or fail because of people, because of you.
Marriage is like an institution but it is a sacred institution. The mission is to live happily ever after but after a while and spending a lot of money on ceremony, the mission becomes distorted. What makes the institution of marriage solid and sacred is Love. What makes the mission of marriage even more powerful is love. When love is lost, the mission starts to lose meaning and the foundations to this great institution starts to crumble.
There are other things that people allow to affect marriage. They are actually things that should make the institution a happier place to be and any marriage more beautiful but such resources are somehow transformed into burdens. One of the greatest human resources to marriage are children. They are a wonderful gift to the partnership that is marriage. They are supposed to enhance love within the sacred institution that is marriage but unfortunately it does not always work out that way. If you can see the love, feel the love and give the love, rather than thinking too much in terms of responsibility, your love transitions from good marriage to good family. It may still be dysfunctional but a beautiful kind of dysfunctional.
There are other reasons why any marriage could become dysfunctional or end up as a divorce. As for your own institution, you know why and you have to decide whether or not it has a happy ending.
Review your expectations and remember that Life is no fairy tale but the fairy tale that you make it or allow others to make it for you. It is not just the wedding that is supposed to be a fairy tale. That is just the beginning of the story. The happy ending depends on you.
Remember that Love and success are the two common denominators to all fairy tales. Make them a part of your marital story. Keep love as part of your marriage.
By Jason for MMP February 2015