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- Advice & Tips for Men in Relationships
The Reasons Why She is No Longer into You
When a relationship begins, magical things happen; men are attentive, selfless, often noticing the smallest details to make sure he makes his girl happy. Over time this changes, that initial flame that sealed the deal is lost and what remains is the true essence of who you are. Men begin to feel "safe", which leads to neglecting the wife or girlfriend. Sometimes, they simply don't know how to show love in a way that is significant to their partner. As a result, a woman that does not feel tended to, will feel unloved and will lose interest in the relationship.
Below you will find some of the top reasons why she is no longer into you. These are meant to help you identify where you have failed, but does not guarantee that this is the exact problem in your relationship. However, learning about the causes of your problem better prepares you to resolve them.
Scriptures are the guide to successful and happy relationships. In Ephesians chapter 5, we find verses that shed light into what a godly relationship should look like. It defines the roles of husbands and it also gives husbands a list of things that should be provided to a wife in order for the marriage to reflect God's love.
For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her 26 to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word. 27 He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. 28 In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. 29 No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church.30 And we are members of his body. 31 As the Scriptures say, “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.” 32 This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one. 33 So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
Reason # 1 - Inattentiveness and Lack of Romance
As I mentioned before, the most likely reason for your wife or partner's withdrawal is that her needs are not being met. You are not giving her the romance she needs, you are not paying special interest in the things that are interesting to her, and you are failing at giving her comfort. Attentiveness requires that you love her the way she needs to be loved. This is why it is so important to love the essence of the person and not their looks. Love the woman for who she is, and be willing to understand that her needs change.
A woman needs a man that can make her fall in love with him on a daily basis. She is interested in honest and open conversations, and please let me add that they need to be smart conversations as well. Communication is key because this is how you will learn what it is that she likes. Don't be bothered by how much she talks, just make sure you listen to understand. Also, a woman needs to be told that she is beautiful. You need to make her feel that to you there is no one more beautiful or important than her. Her worth needs to be recognized and appreciated often. Be thankful for those special things she does for you, don't make her feel like it's an obligation.
Notice how in Ephesians 5, the Bible tells us that a man should "give himself", meaning that men need to put in some type of sacrifice to please their wives. The husband should also be aware that he alone is not sufficient for his wife, that she needs the word of God in order to be fully washed and her sins removed. There is nothing more romantic than a man willing to give up himself for his loved one.
"...He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word. He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish".
Ways you can be more attentive and romantic:
- buy her chocolate or flowers
- keep in mind special occasions or celebrations
- call/text her from work
- share the word of God
- tell her she is beautiful
- make dinner for her
- clean the house
Reason # 2 - Lack of Stability and Support
There is nothing more attractive to women than a man who can be a true leader. Women need to feel secure. If as a partner, you have not given her a safe place to be herself and to know that all will be good, then she is ready to let go. Making a woman feel secure means that you will need to support her in areas outside of romance and love making. She needs to know that if she needs help, you will be the first to jump in to help her. There should be no feeling of doubt that you are willing to fight for her if need be. You should be her superhero.
If you are used to doing whatever you want without letting her know your whereabouts, she may feel insecure in the relationship. Don't be impulsive! This is true not only with your lifestyle habits but also with money. If you spend money without control, she will feel insecure because of your inability to provide.
Women also need to feel that you support them to become a better person. Make sure that you put your part in pushing her to achieve her dreams. Don't dim her light. Helping her to become better at whatever she does, doesn't mean you can control her. She needs the freedom to make choices but also the security that if she fails, you are there to catch her.
You NEED to have an attitude of service towards your wife.
Ways to provide stability and support:
- take initiative(be a leader)
- don't make decisions on your own that you know can affect both or that you know she will disagree with
- don't spend what you don't have
- support her goals and dreams
- build a safe environment for her
Reason # 3 - Loneliness
Are you really there?
Does she find herself doing things alone because you are not present? There is no worst feeling than having company and feeling lonely. That's the case for a lot of women who are married or in a committed relationship; they have a partner but that person does not support them emotionally or does not make them feel as an important part of their life. They often feel that if they were not present, their partner would not miss them.
"...As the Scriptures say, “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one".
Are you one?
It is likely that your partner may feel lonely because the time you spend together is no longer a priority to you. It is not only about how much time is spent together but the quality of that time. When you are together, think about what your main focus is. A woman needs to feel that her man's time is devoted to her; that she does not need to compete with other things. Quality time is what will help the relationship remain strong and healthy. If you are fully aware that this is your problem, begin investing time in your relationship NOW.
Ways to give her more time:
- have Date Nights
- have a block of time set apart specially for her(do this on a daily basis)
- be involved in activities that are important to her
- make her your priority